Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Eagle Powers, baby! (and ape powers) (Oh, and black cat powers)

Yesterday I was soooooo tired. Soooooo tired that when I took Lulu for a walk around the duck pond I actually closed my eyes and let her pull me along with her leash.

The sun was bright and warm and I tilted my head back and pretended I was on the ocean . . . drifting slowly out to sea . . . slowly . . . slowly . . . slowly . . .

When I opened my eyes there was a man in an ape suit in front of me on the path.

FER REALS! He jumped out, growled and waved his arms in the air. Like he just didn't care. That there were perfectly sane people sleep walking on the path behind him.

What are the chances?

At first I thought it was a sign from the Universe telling me that I need to stop going through life with my eyes wide shut, or that I need to stop letting Lulu lead me and guide me, rather than walk beside me, or that I need to stop pretending I'm drifting slowly out to sea when I'm actually hurdling headlong through middle age.

But then I saw the camera rolling and realized that I was just another sane person sleep walking through someone else's reality show.


Maybe it was the timing that threw me off. If I had been walking down the streets of New York City with my eyes wide open I wouldn't have thought twice about seeing a man dressed up in an ape suit growling at me. But I was walking through the mountains in Utah. Alone. With my eyes closed. Why would I cross paths with an ape man at that exact intersect of time and place?

You get me?

A few months ago I was sitting at my computer writing a research paper sample about Edgar Allen Poe for my grad school application when suddenly I heard a noise behind me. It sounded like someone was tapping on the sliding glass doors in my kitchen. I turned to find a pitch black cat perched on my back porch, peering at me through the glass. I have seen this cat before because it belongs to my neighbor and frequently crosses my path as I round the corner, but it has NEVER entered my property, let alone made eye contact with me from my back porch. WHILE I'm writing about the mysterious EDGAR ALLEN POE!

The next day I was sitting at the computer again, finishing up the SAME paper on EDGAR ALLEN POE, when the SAME black cat strolled into my front yard and peered at me again through my front window.

I haven't seen this cat since.

You still get me?

There's something fishy about life. It's random. Suspiciously random.

And yet . . .

After I got rejected from grad school, my friend Dana gave me an inspirational fridge magnet which says, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Do you think that American proverb applies to little things, like men in ape suits and stalker cats, or just to big things, like rejection and moving to Utah?

Inquiring minds want to know.

For the record, even though I've done my share of grieving shmieving over moving to Utah, it definitely happened for a reason--many reasons--and I'm so happy to be here. The timing was impeccable. For one, it forced me to stop taking flight and hiding from the past and start fighting for and facing the future.

It was the only way.

Over the past 18 months I've had to take the advice of The Eagles and GET. OVER. IT!

EAGLE POWERS, baby! I've gotten over everything from my stereotypes about green jello to my prejudices about country music to my abandonment issues about . . . abandonment.

All without prozac.

You know you're over it when March 1st doesn't make you tremble. It doesn't even make you blink twice.

Ides of March, I am NOT afraid of you!

You also know you're over it when you spend the whole day making magic blankets with your friend Dana, and you don't shed a single tear when she tells you how she recently called her dad and told him she needed him so he hopped on a plane and came running the very next day.

Those kinds of things used to cause me to break the 10th commandment. Fiercely. In fact, when I was in college, I once burst into tears at the sight of my math teacher rushing across the floor at a basketball game after his cheerleader daughter fell off a pyramid and broke her ankle.

I too can call my dad and tell him I need him. Only difference is he doesn't have to hop a plane to come running.


T said...

years in Utah - and I still can't stand country music...

have I mentioned lately that I love the way you write :)

Momza said...

and your journey continues to come full circle...thanks for sharing it with us.

Barbaloot said...

It's entirely possible that the gorilla suit man was related to me... My brothers and cousins have an affinity for dressing up in gorilla costumes and scaring people.

Garden of Egan said...

I'm so glad that Lulu didn't pull out all her doggy instincts and go after the ape man. He coulda been without a limb or something.

I am not sure I wanna go visit Utah anytime soon with apes running wild.

I think your full circle was perfectly round.
You needed round.

Sandi said...

I love it when you get these random messages from the universe. Makes you seem so wise. The cat story kinda freaks me out....but it would be even worse if you had been writing a paper on Alfred Hitchcock!
I am glad you are glad you moved to Utah, but I gotta say I still kinda miss the Hawaiian in you.

NO FREAKING WAY: word verification:CATSY

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I miss the Hawaiian in me too, Sandi!!!! I think it's lying dormant there somewhere, just waiting for me to GET.OVER. a few things so I can fly back and live happily ever after.


NO WY, CATSY? ha hahahahah

Ha ha Barb. That would be kinda cool if that gorilla man was related.

T, Thanks. Just thanks. I need to hear that every so often. ;)

Heidi said...

I am also superstitious about the ides but only because of Ceasar. And Shakespeare or else I wouldn't have heard "Beware the Ides of March". I am very obedient. I was a bit sad to see that I didn't post a comment on your year ago ides of March post. Has it been that long since I have been majorly absent from blogging? One day, I'm going to have a little home decor/antiques/collectibles store and I am going to sit and blog all day long. Wouldn't that be lovely?

wendy said...

Everything happens for a Reason.....I often wonder about that.
I mean, does it??? some things just happen, cause they JUST HAPPENED. No reason really, just random crap?
I wonder.

That is very very cool that your friends dad...just hopped on a plane cause she needed him. Wonderful.
and I am very glad that you can "call your dad" anytime.

Ya know,without getting all gooey, it was a year ago tomorrow that I had my last telephone conversation with my son Matthew. It did not go well....and he never took my calls from then on out. Then he died.
SO............I HOPE NOW, he is not ignoring them.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Oh, how I love to hear that your move to Utah has helped you face everything and grow! So amazing. And as someone who also has daddy issues, I totally get where you're coming from. It's hard to mourn not having that family or father that everyone else seems to have and bear their testimonies about at church.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wendy, Aly and Heidi--some of my favorite people. All three sensitive souls with a lot of experience with grieving. Heidi, I was reading your book as your comment came in. I lUB IT! You go, girl.

Aly, I hear you, but yours is much more painful. MUCH. MORE. PAINFUL.Because he's still here. And he didn't protect you. And still isn't. My stone-cold heart goes out to you. HUGS.

Wendy, your comment broke my heart. BROKE. MY. HEART. You have such a positive vibe, but your pain must be excruciating. I'm so sorry. Was he upset with you about your new marriage? Oh, I wish we could have a girls night.

We need a retreat.