Monday, March 21, 2011

Peanut Butter Facials (and rain checks)

I finally get why they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. It's because when you're in Vegas you do things that you're not proud of.

Things you would never do outside of Vegas.

Things you would never want anyone outside of Vegas to know you did while you were in Vegas.

You break commandments.

I broke the one that says, Thou shalt not eat more than one all-you-can-eat buffet in a single day.

UGH! I can't believe I actually said that out loud.

Yes I dined, against my will, at not one, but two all-you-can-eat buffets within an eight hour period.

(You don't respect me anymore, do you?)

(Me neither.)

I felt like I was on a cruise. If you've ever been on a cruise you know what I'm talking about. I once went on cruise with all of my in-laws and after eating eight hours a day I started hallucinating. Fer reals. It was a lot like my freakiest Disney moment ever--Pink Elephants on Parade--only with shrimp scampi and pink salmon and prime rib and roast beef and veal cutlets and chicken teriyaki and lobster tails and crab legs.

And that was just the first entree.

Did you know you can order two entrees on a cruise?

The morning after eating two all-you-can-eat buffets in Vegas I woke up early and did yoga. Then I did 100 Hail Mary's and took a hot bath. Then I started making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast. Then my hub woke up and bolted upright in bed.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he shouted.

"I'm making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, what does it look like I'm doing?" I told him.

"But my dad wants to take us to another buffet!" He yelled.

That's when I gave my hub his first ever peanut butter facial.

Needless to say we had peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast.

His parents couldn't finish their sandwiches. I KID NOT. They said I gave them way too much. WAY, WAY too much. They said there was NO WAY they could eat a WHOLE peanut butter sandwich for breakfast.

They too got their first ever peanut butter facial. Compliments of Crash.

Was that rude?

You guys, I have sooooooooooooooooo much more to show and tell you about Vegas. And about Jimmer Fredette during March Madness, and the biggest full moon in decades during my daughter's soccer tournament, and the guy who caught his wife cheating in the hotel room below us at 6 a.m. during my yoga workout.

But I'm so darn, stinkin', fetchin swamped, and bogged down, and wound up because my life is sucking the life out of me right now. (Isn't it ironic!?) That goes double for my kid's lifes and my church lifes. I swear they're all like little Dyson vaccuum vampires, sucking the life out of me.

If only I could figure out how to plug a cord into my brain and download the contents of my head into my diary.

Until then, I'll have to take a rain check?

I gotsta git me to bed.



Martha said...

Is your computer not on Hawaii time anymore? Because it's not 11:56 pm. It's only 9:56pm. Something is goofy there.

Did you guys have spring break yet? Glad ours is over, except the kids get Friday off for Kuhio day and then Monday because a 4 day weekend is way funner that a 3 day weekend after we just had an 8 day weekend.

I tried to call you the other day to tell you the Duerden's news, but then I remembered you were in Las Vegas. Glad you made it home alive.

You do know that BYUH made it to nationals don't you. They were ranking 7th out of 8 and won the whole Pac West. Can you believe it?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No, I finally changed it into the right time zone. SNIFF!

I still haven't changed the car clocks though. ha ha

Woohoo for BYUH making Nationals. I didn't know that. That's awesome!

We were looking at Joshies prom pics yesterday. Soooo cute. We're scrambling because we just found out Tatum's dress won't be here before Saturday. Now we have to go find a plan B.

I'm so excited for the Duerdens. Good for them. How exciting. I can't wait to come see their place. I miss them so much. I miss you all so much.

I'm laughing about your 8 day weekend. ha ha Now that's what I call Hawaii time.

Becca said...

So, when life sucks the life out of you, how do you unplug it? Because I could use a step-by-step tutorial about that. (Usually my version - ineffective, but charming - is to stand behind the locked bathroom door, chanting "Mothers who know, do less. Mothers who know, do less. Mothers who know, do less..." and then choose to do less cleaning.)

robin said...

I can so relate to doing things in Vegas that you would never do anywhere else. I'm terrified of heights and yet I found myself on the Drop Zone at the top of the Stratosphere. The Drop Zone is at the very top of the Stratosphere on the outside of the building. They belt you into a seat and you are looking out over Vegas feeling like you could fall to your death at any moment when they shoot you up in the air suddenly. I was so scared - my mouth was open and I was TRYING to scream but no sound was coming out. And WHY was I doing this???? Because my brother bought me my ticket. Apparently a free ticket was all it took to get me on this thing. Am I that cheap? don't answer that April!

I think I may have peed myself a little. But we'll keep that between us.

Barbaloot said...

Are you kidding? I respect you more for knocking back two all-you-can-eat buffets! Not everyone can handle that:)

T said...

only a true woman of the world can eat at two buffets in one day!

tell me though - is their skin uber soft from the PB facials? the older I get the more I'm willing to try anything... maybe I should be heading down to Vegas myself :)

(and, as you can tell by my blog lately - I totally get the "life sucking the life out of you" thing)

Vern said...

Quite the contrary, I respect you even more!

Martha said...

BYUH plays today (Wed) at 8:30 Eastern against Bloomberg. It may be online live somewhere, but I have to go.

Martha said...

Ok, found it look for DII MBB Quarterfinal No. 4 Mar 23, 8:30pm MassMutual Center Springfield, Mass.


The Crash Test Dummy said...

Martha, I was at New Beginnings all night, but I HEARD they WON!!! And they play tomorrow at 6:30 p.m. on CBS. WOOOHOOOO! Can't WAIT! If they win, the old team is flying back to watch the finals. Even BIG AL!


Martha said...

What! Al's going to the game. So cool. So lucky.