Things you would never do outside of Vegas.
Things you would never want anyone outside of Vegas to know you did while you were in Vegas.
You break commandments.
I broke the one that says, Thou shalt not eat more than one all-you-can-eat buffet in a single day.
UGH! I can't believe I actually said that out loud.
Yes I dined, against my will, at not one, but two all-you-can-eat buffets within an eight hour period.
(You don't respect me anymore, do you?)
I felt like I was on a cruise. If you've ever been on a cruise you know what I'm talking about. I once went on cruise with all of my in-laws and after eating eight hours a day I started hallucinating. Fer reals. It was a lot like my freakiest Disney moment ever--Pink Elephants on Parade--only with shrimp scampi and pink salmon and prime rib and roast beef and veal cutlets and chicken teriyaki and lobster tails and crab legs.
And that was just the first entree.
Did you know you can order two entrees on a cruise?
The morning after eating two all-you-can-eat buffets in Vegas I woke up early and did yoga. Then I did 100 Hail Mary's and took a hot bath. Then I started making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast. Then my hub woke up and bolted upright in bed.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he shouted.
"I'm making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, what does it look like I'm doing?" I told him.
"But my dad wants to take us to another buffet!" He yelled.
That's when I gave my hub his first ever peanut butter facial.
Needless to say we had peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast.
His parents couldn't finish their sandwiches. I KID NOT. They said I gave them way too much. WAY, WAY too much. They said there was NO WAY they could eat a WHOLE peanut butter sandwich for breakfast.
They too got their first ever peanut butter facial. Compliments of Crash.
Was that rude?
You guys, I have sooooooooooooooooo much more to show and tell you about Vegas. And about Jimmer Fredette during March Madness, and the biggest full moon in decades during my daughter's soccer tournament, and the guy who caught his wife cheating in the hotel room below us at 6 a.m. during my yoga workout.
But I'm so darn, stinkin', fetchin swamped, and bogged down, and wound up because my life is sucking the life out of me right now. (Isn't it ironic!?) That goes double for my kid's lifes and my church lifes. I swear they're all like little Dyson vaccuum vampires, sucking the life out of me.
If only I could figure out how to plug a cord into my brain and download the contents of my head into my diary.
Until then, I'll have to take a rain check?
I gotsta git me to bed.