Today I got on-line and signed my twins up for baseball. The fee was $90 each. For those of you who are computationally challenged, that's a grand total of $180.
Unless you don't sign up to be a parent volunteer. If you don't sign up to be a parent volunteer, the grand total is $220.
They don't tell you this until you're finishing up all the paper work and trying to pay. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a little after-thought box pops up and says, oh, and by the way, please check here if you want to be a parent volunteer this season.
My first thought was Why would I want to be a parent volunteer? Isn't that why I'm paying you 90 bucks? So I don't have to volunteer another hour of my day in the service of my child?
But then I read the NOTE:
NOTE: If you do NOT want to be a parent volunteer, you will be talked about behind your back for not serving God, your country, and your fellow man. Plus there will be $20 added to your fees.
What I meant was, of course I want to be a parent volunteer! Isn't that why I had children in the first place? So I could spend every hour of the day serving them in whatever capacity they so choose to pursue?
But wait, they're coercing me, ain't they? And falsely advertising their fees! And isn't it kinda like taking away the free agency of the poor and downtrodden who are busy working their fingers to the bone to pay the $90 fee in the first place so little Johnny can play some stinkin' baseball?
Now the poor and downtrodden will also be exhausted and downtrodden because they will be in charge of the team uniforms committee meetings, in between ward welfare meetings and board meetings and traffic court meetings. And little Suzy's soccer tournament meetings. And little Bobby's basketball fundraiser meetings.
Plus little Suzy needs a prom dress meeting because EEEEEEEEeeeeee she got asked to prom today!!! By a cute boy!!! Who's on the honor roll!!! And the soccer team!!! (Thank you, Facebook!!! My apologies for ever calling you creepy.)
But anyways, if I were in the coercion biz, I would advertise the fees at $110 each. Then I would say Psst, anyone want a discount? I'll give you $20 off if you help out this year. How does that sound, huh? huh? huh? That way the poor and downtrodden will think they're saving a buck and they'll volunteer with a grateful smile.
Not rocket science, eh peeps?
P.S. Did I tell you I'm a PROM MOM!? Wooooohooooo!