Sunday, February 21, 2010

Church Chat

Well I spoke in church today. Again. Is it just me or does it seem like I just spoke in church?

The thing I hate about speaking in church is all the opposition I face during the week prior.

This week my hair faced the most opposition. I left my curling iron in Mosquito, Nevada and then my Chi broke in half so alls I had to work with was a cheap back-up straightener. You can always tell a cheap straightener if it has a turbo boost setting.

So, yea, I turbo boosted my hair for church.

The last time I spoke in church I got called to be the Young Women's president so I figured this was my big chance to get released.

The topic was prayer and promptings so I suggested to everyone that if they are facing tough dilemmas they should simply turn on the radio until the answer comes. I told them it will usually come through a John Mayer song. And then I told them to skip over the country stations because the universe would never send a message through a country song.

Am I right, or am I right?

The Church Lady didn't think so. Yes, she's in my Sponge Bob ward and yes, she gave me this look.

But spilling the beans about Country music wasn't the only faux pas I committed on the stand. I also wore a mumu. With riding boots.

I'm pretty sure that's against the word of wisdom.

Especially with nylons.

I might just be the first person in the history of the world to wear a mumu with nylons.

To top it off, remember this look?

Well, he didn't get it from strangers. Picture that face in a mumu with riding boots.

And turbo boosted hair.

I'm pretty sure I'll be back on the activities committee soon.


The Garden of Egan said...

Now I'll go back and read!

The Garden of Egan said...

I always love Sunday when you've been to church, cuz your Sponge Bob Ward sounds like the most fun ever.
I would really like to have photographic evidence of your bad hair and moomooness, cause you may be setting a new fashion trend. However, your son with those rags stuffed up his nose better NOT be starting a new fashion trend or I'm gettin' off this planet...or maybe start listening to Country music.

Good luck in your new activities committee calling!

sarahlynn said...

I'm trying to pick myself off the floor and type at the same time because I'm laughing so hard! What a great image. You are really the best. I can tell I am going to have so much fun tonight getting caught up on your blog. Thanks for the treat. I love it and I NEEDED it! Hope everyone is doing better. Please say "hi" for us.

sarahlynn said...

P.S. Did you hear we have some Kahuku transplants in our ward now? I saw the boy's lava lava and it made me homesick...Pretty sad when I've never lived there, eh?

Jillybean said...

Can you even do the "Superior dance" to country music?

April said...

What are you talking about??? It took me 20 years to embrace country songs and the meanings they were sending me.

Now I know that it's 5 o'clock Somewhere and Earl's Gotta Die, perhaps at 5 o'clock, (I'm not sure), but if I Can Still Make Cheyenne, then I know I'm Living and Living Well. But I'll never just Give It Away, cause then I Feel Bad. Me And My Gang know that much!

Martha said...

Why do they keep picking on you in your Sponge Bob ward? Don't they have other people with turbo boosted hair? We've been our ward 9 years and have spoken once.

OldBoatGuy said...

Crash, it's time to alert Martha's Bishop. HeeHee

Amber Lynae said...

The activities committee should be fun.

Sorry to hear about your curling iron, I'm sure you are are still stunning.

I agree that the universe doesn't speak through country music; it much prefers rap music. :)

Migillicutty said...

Hey, what about that 'Hoedown Throwdown' on your playlist? Does that count as country music? (Does it count as music at all? ;)

T said...

I'm not saying a thing about the last time I spoke now that I know that OBG has a bishop hotline!

and you're right, the universe will never send any message of worth through country music. backward, forward or sideways...

Sandi said...

Well I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking Carrie Underwood might be whispering sweet words of inspiration just in case you find your man know with that Louisville slugger smacking around that souped up 4-wheel drive. And such as. haha.
As for your sponge bob ward..I can't believe you keep telling them Y.E.S. Tell them to go pick on someone else already!!

Sandi said...

p.s. I agree that photographic evidence of the muumuu/riding boots outfit is in order :)

Sandi said...

p.s. did I spell mumu right...or did you? I'm confused.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Garden, are you kidding me? You know you get your hands slapped by Gad if you take photos in Sacrament meeting. I've seen it happen. When I lived in New York, one family sat on the front row and snapped photographs of their daughter while she was at the pulpit giving a talk. Funniest thing ever. Until that bolt of lightening came out of no where and struck them down.

And, OMGOSH! I could tell the funniest stories about the people in my Sponge Bob ward. I hope I get the nerve. They are so much fun.

Sarah, ALOHA, girl. I heard Montana is in your ward now. How ironic. Must have been weird for Jared to meet someone who knows Tatum. wink wink Hey, you are so nice to me and make me feel so good. Are we going to Disneyland. I haven't heard back from Meals on Wheels. When is your Spring Break?

Jillybean--hahahahahahah LOLOLOLOL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! That was the perfect comment for me today.

April, yours cracked me up too. I hope I don't FULLY embrace country music in 20 years. I am softening to some and it FREAKS ME OUT!

OBG, look to it. And while you're at it, alert T's bishop too. ;)

Amber, I LUB your new profile pic. I don't know if the universe speaks through rap music, but I know it speaks through hip hop music when it wants to tell kids these days how to get jiggy with it.

Migillicuty, ha ha My kids were just listening to my playlist yesterday and they said, and I quote, "why do you have the hoedown throwdown on your playlist? That song is so old!"

I guess the universe makes exceptions for Hannah Montana. That song tells me that I am going to be a ma on trek this year and I have to wear a bonnet and bloomers. AND, AND, AND . . . we are actually having a hoedown in May to prepare for Trek.


Sandi, I think you can spell it anyway you want. Technically it's probably spelled mu'umu'u, shortened to muumuu, shortened to mumu, or moomoo, if you live in Ideeho. ;)

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

OK- first of all. WHERE in the helk is a picture of you in a mumu, cowboy boots and turbo boosted hair?!?! Sounds really cute to be honest. I LOVE it!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

awww shucks! My sweet cousin Emily. Thanks Em! But I would have to do a recreation at this point. Although my nose is much redder today so it could be even more entertaining.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Well go for it woman!! I mean it's not like you have nothing better to do right? :-)

DeNae said...

Oh my. We used to have a woman in our ward who wore muu-muus every week. She also sat on the second row, right in front of the speaker, and read Harlequin Romances. Her husband, a Lt. Col in the US Army, came to church every week in full uniform, and slept at full attention.

I am not kidding.

I'll see your SpongeBob and raise it one Twilight Zone.

Sandi said...

Wow. I think DeNae may have trumped you.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha DeNae, that kinda sounds like a cross between me and my MIL. And my hub can sleep at attention AND on command.

Take that!

And Sandi, DeNae could trump me in her sleep. No joke!

Martha said...

Your comment about sleeping in church reminded me of just two days ago. My hub was telling Nan to wait until after the sacrament was passed to draw pictures and took her notebook away. Nan looked at me to defend her and I whispered, "Don't worry, he'll be asleep in 5 mins and then you can draw"