Thursday, May 20, 2010

Here's a riddle for you . . .

Why did the chicken cross the road? It's an age-old question, and everyone thinks they know the answer. To get to the other side, right? But why does the chicken want to get to the other side? That is the true question.

Fortunately, I, Crash Test Dummy, was in the right place at the right time this morning to unravel the mystery. The answer, my friend, is no longer blowing in the wind.

There is a bunny on the other side of the road.

Of course! Duh! Why didn't anyone ever think of that?

See for yourself.

My son captured this image on the way to school with the point and shoot camera I started keeping in my purse after a recliner chair, full of children, rolled past me on a skateboard. I lie not, peeps. Truest story ever told. My kids can testify in a court of law, with their hands on the Holy Bible and everything. We were stopped at a light at the moment a young mother pushed a recliner chair skateboard across the street in front of us, and I'll never forgive myself for not having a camera to capture photographic evidence.

But I did capture this Chicken Little/Bunny Foo Foo reunion, through my son, and my dirty car window, going 15 mph.

You're welcome.

Luckily the crossing guard wasn't wearing corky wedges, because she successfully navigated the chicken safely through all the morning traffic to get to the other side, where the cute little bunny, probably a friend from the Cartoon Network, was patiently waiting.

There's a moral to this story. There's a definite moral. You never what motivates chickens.

And you never know what's waiting for you on the other side of the road.

Okay, okay, here's another riddle for you:

What adds years to your life, but takes hours from your days?

That's right! A new puppy!

Would you believe that one day I actually sat and watched Lulu chew on a bone for over an hour? Cutest darn thing I ever did see.

(BTW, have I told you lately that I lub my magic puppy sooooo dang much!)

Well, technically she's not magic yet. She's still in training, so to speak--kinda like Harry Potter. If I were writing a Rick Riordan novel about k-9's, I would say she's a Demi-dog. (hee hee hee) (Get it? Demi-DOG?)

(Sometimes I crack myself up).

But anyways, my point is that raising a magic puppy takes a lot of time out of each day. It's much like raising a magic hub. There's a lot of lovin' and fussin' and goo goo ga ga-in', but there's also a lot of work because if you don't supervise them closely from the very beginning they might develop bad habits down the road--behavior problems, as the Dog Whisperer would say. He says you must communicate with calm, assertive energy so your dog/hub knows who's boss. He also says you should never yell at your dog/hub when he does something frustrating. Instead use a sound like "tsssst" to communicate your disapproval.

If that doesn't work, make your hand into a jaw claw, grab him behind the neck and take him down into submission.

We've owned our Demi-dog for almost two weeks now and we've spent countless hours training and teaching and tssssting her. She now knows where to go shi shi and doo doo, and how to fetch, and how to walk beside us on her leash. She also knows how to shake and give high five and do the shaka.

You wanna see Lulu doing the shaka?

Coincidentally, I can do the shaka in my sleep too.

But seriously, she lubs to hang loose. Especially on her beach towel.

Magic puppies in training need a lot of down time.

(They also need a lot of up time.)

Since I'm already boasting, can I just tell you that when Lulu greets us, she gets so excited, but instead of jumping up on us, she stops, drops and rolls over. Then she wags her tail and wriggles around until we rub her belly.

Cutest thing ever!

She's not without her vices, however. As Shakespeare says, "Roses have thorns and silver fountains mud." And Lulu has a wicked Kleenex fetish.

And not only does she speak the primary lub language,"Words of Mastication," she speaks it fluently. And with vigor.

I just can't tolerate that kind of language in my house.

My mom says that when a puppy starts chewing on something, it's a good idea to make a loud noise to let her know that's not acceptable. So yesterday Lulu was unraveling the carpet at the bottom of the stairs with great gusto when I picked up my soup pot, with it's accompanying metal lid, and pretended they were symbols.

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! She hasn't chewed the carpet since. In fact, if she starts chewing anything too enthusiastically alls I have to do is act as if I'm going to pick up that pot and she freezes in mid-air.

Do you think my soup pot could be magic too!

Now Lulu just nibbles. Here she is nibbling on my new summer toes that my mom gave me for my birthday.

Don't even try to tell me you're not breaking the 8th commandment right now!


Sandi said...


Sandi said...

Love the dog/hub comparisons...hahahaha!
And I'm also very glad to hear that you were actually driving 15 mph in that school zone. Those Utard cops have trained you well :)

Sandi said...

If you are wondering why I am not showering your magic pup with complements is because I am at work where your pics don't show up. I'm pretty darn sure the pics are adorable though!

T said...

thanks for clearing up that whole chicken/road thing... could you solve the chicken/egg one next???

you have a cute little DemiDog there :)

WV says "humina" - is that as in "hey batter batter humina humina SWing"?

Living the Scream said...

that's so funny about the chicken! also when you started talking about your puppy I was hoping for pictures! I was glad you posted them. Puppies are so adorable!!!!

Garden of Egan said...

That is the cutest dog EVER! I am pretty sure Lulu is magic!
I feel lucky just gazing at the pictures of him!
I lub your toes that your mama gave you too. That gives Lulu pupose in chew on your toes rather than the carpet.

Is Lulu coming to CBC?

DeNae said...

OK, I'm totally in love with your demi-dog. So what I want to know is, what are your pot and lid symbols of? Are they like runes? Heiroglyphics? "Oh, look Sir Geeves! It's the ancient symbol of 'if you eat the carpet again you're going in the soup'! This lady must have had a magic demi-dog that required invoking!"

Hee hee. And you can't go back and change it now because then my comment will just look stupid.

My favorite laugh (and there were like, 93 bazillion) came with the recliner full of kids. Oh my gosh, I'm actually wiping tears over that one!

You are so much fun! I can't wait to see you next week!

Love you!

Barbaloot said...

But why does the chicken need to get to where the bunny is? What are they doing? And why doesn't the bunny come to the chicken?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Barb, I almost added that same comment because, think about it, we haven't solved the riddle at all. But the reason the bunny doesn't go to the chicken is because the no one cares why the bunny crossed the road. It's not one of the great mysteries.

DeNae, ha ha ha you're so punny. I thought of that too. The pot and lid are symbols of cymbals. I thought all musicians knew that, girl. And that recliner story is dead on true. Craziest thing I ever did see.

Garden, I wish Lulu was coming to CBC.

Living the scream, I'm going to call you scream. Your profile pick makes me want to come check you out. I just might have to do that.

T, ha ha how random are you? That whole humina humina thing . . . . LOLOLOL.

But I don't get it. ha ha ha ha

Sandi, hee hee about both your Utarded jokes today.

Kazzy said...

That is one cute dog!

And dontcha just love the way camera phones are changing the world? :)

SWIRL said...

oh-- I can see the green glow in my sons eyes... they want a D-O-G so bad!!

lulu is adorable! definantly not helping in our cause - of trying to be a dog-free home.

miss you all!

Jillybean said...

Oh, your magic puppy is SO cute! I love puppies, however, someone in our house (not me) is allergic to fur, so no puppy for us, which actually works OK, because I'm pretty sure that I'm allergic to puppy poop ;0)

DeNae said...

Oh, I forgot to mention that my golden retriever (who is full grown but still little cuz she was the runt that lived, like Harry Potter) ALSO does the Shaka!

At least 8 times a day -- whenever another student walks into the house. First she warms up by running her imaginary figure 8 racetrack between the family room and the living room (three laps) then the rubs both ears on the rug (because she knows how much I love vacuuming that fur up) and then she rolls over and Shakas til someone rubs her tummy.

She's 8 years old but still acts like a puppy. And she's flunked three obedience schools. But how can you not love that golden retriever face??

Anonymous said...

A good medicine tastes bitter. .............................................

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee hee Now there's an ancient Chinese secret riddle for ya. But we all know what the Brits say about a spoonful of sugar. ;)

DeNae, three times? Really? ha ha ha ha She sounds so cute too.

Jilly, how's your boy. When should we go to Ikea?

Swirl, I wasn't about to get a dog in Hawaii either. NO SPACE!

Martha said...

Hey, did you miss me? It's been like a week and I'm reading your last three posts. I'm in Elkhart now at the folks' house. My conference was.... well a conference, not super fun, but not bad. The best part was that I got to see my sis Linda and my bro Dan because they both live 2 hours from Indy in opposite directions.

I am so tired. It's 6 hours different and I can't get to sleep until like 3 am (which is 9 pm HI time). Then I have to get up at 7 ish and the next night I still can't sleep. So my dad just gave me some sleepytime tea and that's going to help. My mom is back in the hospital with a fast heart again. She was telling me something you wrote about slippahs. Maybe that was on facebook. I'll go check.

So what is up with the guy at the park picking a fight with Al? Was he drunk or something. It reminded me of that one game at Laie Park and the crazy lady in the tan tanktop screaming at Z and our team.

My hub is going crazy and says I always leave him at the worst times. I hope they are working hard at our house and when I get back it will be beautiful and all done. Can magic Lulu make it happen?

OldBoatGuy said...

Did you ever see a horse reaching thru a fence, because the grass is greener there? Well, a chicken crosses the road because the grain is yellower there. Hee Hee

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Old Boat Guy, you're such a know-it-all. ;) I'm sticking with my bunny story. hee hee

Martha YES, I totally missed you. I lub that you leave your hub at the most stressful times. Makes him appreciate you. I can't wait to see your new house. You really should post photos of the before and after.

Old Navy has slippahs fr $1 tomorrow? I'm going shopping, fo' sure.

I mean fer sure.

I'm so sad for you mom. Give her a big hug from me.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

hahahaha @ picture with chicken! Hilarious.

Your magic dog is precious. I need to come see it in real life! :)

Thanks for the lesson I learned through your post.

Mariko said...

Can't believe it's warm enough to wear slippahs!

Do you miss the chickens? Do ya? I'll send them all to you.
Almost as much as you miss the cane spiders, I bet. I used to live in a cane-spider infested house. It was just one near death experience after another. We moved. Too exciting for me.