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Saturday, August 14, 2010

Where in the world is the Crash Test Dummy?

Hey ya'll, I'm in Panguitch, Utah, taking advantage of Subway's eat fresh with free wi-fi offer. Pretty cool place, even though you have to flush the toilets and turn on the water and pump the hand soap and grab the paper towels yourself.

There's a Help Wanted sign on the door, but I counted eight employees working hard behind the counter. One of them has a ginormous hickey so obviously they play hard too.

ba dum bum

I'm practicing for my Blog-Across-America tour by blogging across Utah. Starting with Southern Utah.

It's my first ever field trip all by my very own self. So much fun. I can stop as many times as I want to go to the bathroom. And I can deviate. And detour. And listen to whatever music I want. As loud as I want. And I don't have to interrupt myself every ten minutes to scream at my kids.

So far I have done all of the above.

My first pit stop was in Santaquin at the Kars gas station. What a lovely bathroom. The mirror makes you look super thin. I recommend it.

Then I hit the road and pumped up the jam with five CD's I checked out from the public library for my road trip. Lady Sings the Blues soundtrack. AWESOME! Ella Fitzgerald! Two thumbs up. Sarah McLachlan. I used to totally dig her, but my my my, she's depressing! Cheer up Sarah. And finally, The Sons of Provo soundtrack. The movie was heelarious, but trust me, those dudes are annoying on the road.

I detoured in Kanosh for my second pit stop, but Kanosh is seven miles from the freeway. And nobody drives in or out of Kanosh. It's an island unto itself. I had the whole entire road to myself for seven whole miles. By the time I reached Kanosh I felt muy awkward. Like an alien from outer space. Like an F.O.B. Like a freak of nature driving a silver Honda Pilot. Silver Honda Pilots are on the radar in Kanosh.

There's only one gas station in Kanosh. It ain't no Maverick neither. It's one of them little places where the old men sit on the front stoop in their overalls and you have to ask for the key. At least I think you would have to ask. I didn't stop to find out. I just drove into town and then turned around and drove out of town. Then I pulled over and did my bizness in the wilderness. I wasn't prepared for it though and alls I had was an old Costco receipt to assist me.

hee hee (j/k peeps! I was a girl scout so preparedness is my middle name.)

But fer reals I wasn't prepared. I didn't even have a Costco receipt. I only had a google map to Usana ampitheater.

You never know when a google map will come in handy.

I lingered on the road to Kanosh for a while just soaking up the sun and silence. Not a single sign of human life for the whole of thirty minutes I was there. And all that silence made my eyes sweat a bit.

I picked two wild flowers to put on my dad's grave.

Do you know I've never put any flowers on my dad's grave? I have, however, stolen flowers from his grave. Two roses. When they were lowering him into the ground. And then I dried them and laid them in a blue box with a silver latch.

It's about time I paid him back, don't you think?

I'm on my way there next to have dinner with him. Philly cheesesteak on Pita bread.

I haven't had dinner with my dad since I was eight years old when he took me out for my baptism and I spilled my Sprite in my refried beans.

I'm looking forward to it.

And then I'm going to visit my grandma and all my dad's siblings at the Mt. Carmel house on Tait lane. They're having a big yard sale today. I hope I get there in time to capture some photographic evidence.

Well, I best be hitting the road, Jack.

Hey, speaking of which, I still need to tell you all about the Jack Johnson concert last night.

It was sooooo good to see JJ again and he did not disappoint. He sounds exactly the same, maybe better live.

But you know what? People are freakin' weird. Especially concert people.

Especially old concert people.

Especially old, drunk concert people.

I'll be back with all the stories and the photographic evidence as soon as I make restitution with my painful past.


Hasta!



Wait, what does hasta mean again?



12 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

Dummy........you live such a charmed life! I mean seriously.
You could have NOT had the Costco receipt and then where would you have been?
Charmed I'm tellin' ya!

Hope you don't get a hickey.
Not everyone should have that kind of fun.

T said...

I've been so out of the blogiverse since school started that I forgot all about you having the time of your life with your lovely JJ and his Eagles...

glad the hickey we hear about is on someone ELSE - otherwise we'd have to reprimand our little dummy.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

My daughter loves SONS of Provo. She has it on her IPOD, she and her cousins did a lip sync to the word of wisdom song. prety funny. have fun on your road trip. I love road trips by myself.

DeNae said...

Hey! I thought we were blogging across America together! Hmph.

I think you need to write about putting flowers on your dad's grave. And how neat to spend time with his family.

Sandi said...

man, that DeNae is kind of bossy huh? I hope the concert was the bomb diggity- can't wait to hear all about it! Glad you got to replace the stolen flowers. Hope that all went well!

SWIRL said...

{{hugs}}
I can't wait to hear about YOUR concert experience...I only have been to one {this past summer-- DAVE MATHEWS... }and we were in the sitting area... with a bunch of OLD people too! and drunk! Since everyone was taking the METRO home..I guess no one thought to drink responsibly...
The Metro- that was a ride I wish I could forget! We were sardine packed into a train.. and I was pressed up against Brian-- when two more fellas think they can fit in ... right before the door closes... so I am "spooning" with a complete stranger... for a good 20 min. {ugh} I need to go take a shower... just the thought makes me feel "dirty"... eewww.. that was the only draw back to the whole.. "concert" experience..some/large portion of fans are... less than savory.But I thought JJ - all of Curious Georges friends would come too!?

惠奇 said...

雖天地之大,萬物之多,而惟吾蜩翼之知。..................................................

Cherie said...

Dang I have not seen a hickey on someone forever!
I'm loving your travel log, especially your detailed bathroom stops - ha ha!

katie t said...

you are hilarious!!!!

enjoy the alone time :)

Martha said...

Swirl's description of her ride on the Metro reminds me of trying to go to Temple Square on the Trax last Christmas. We were jammed-packed in there and remember the lady with the baby missed her stop and totally blamed us because she thought the door didn't open because we were in the doorway. Or maybe because she didn't pull the wire thingy.

Hey Panquich is where Bart Chidderster is from. Do you know him? He was Perry's buddy and his dad was a bball coach here.

Sounds like you are having a great adventure. I can't believe you are doing it all by yourself. Don't forget to get gas once in a while. I won't be there to rescue you!!

Jami said...

Girl Scout training--you never know when it will come in handy.

Sounds like a fun trip with a sharp emotional edge to it. Hugs!

Vern said...

I went on a date to Santaquin once - we played pool at a bar and our waitress's name was "Flo". It was awesome!