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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Told ya so


Today I'm going to prove to my peeps, once and for all, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm both dumb AND dumber.


Real dumb. And real, real dumber.


So you know I just got back from trek, right?


Well, the theme this year was: Tell your story, tell your story, TELL your FREAKIN' STORY!


In order to make trek more meaningful, we, as fearless leaders, asked/encouraged/pressured/bullied each trek participant to trek in honor of one of their pioneer ancestors. We challenged our youth to become super duper familiar with their ancestor's story so they could share it with other trekkers along the way.


The stake even came up with a brilliant bead system where one could swap colored beads with other wards every time one told one's story. The one who secured the most colors won. (Well, they didn't actually win, per say, because there are no winners or losers, but they WON, if you get my drift.)


Besides pelting each other on the bus, this bead system seemed like a lame idea to the youth, but it made for incredibly competitive leaders who scrambled around interrupting conversations in order to unload their story and secure colored beads.


To go along with the colored bead system, and the tell-your-freakin'-story theme, each trekker wore a laminated necklace bearing the name of the person for which they were trekking.

Lucky for me I just so happen to have a very interesting set of pioneer ancestors who were part of the Martin handcart company. There is a painting of them hanging in my grandma's home in Mt. Carmel.


Hee hee


J/K peeps! J/K. No, I'm not a descendant of a famous painting.


Here are my real pioneer ancestors--my great great great grandparents, Elizabeth Xavier and William Tate:


Somehow, due to extenuating financial circumstances and the fact that Elizabeth was pregnant, they had to take separate boats to America from England after they were converted to Mormonism. Elizabeth ended up traveling across the country with the Martin handcart company and William ended up being part of the rescue company that saved her.


He didn't glisten or suck blood or howl at the moon, but it was a romantic gesture nonetheless--except for the part where his newborn baby had passed away by the time he arrived.


Unfortunately I only have one set of romantic pioneer ancestors that I could think of off the top of my head so, being the unselfish mom that I am, I allowed my daughter and son to trek in their honor.


But then I forgot to find names for me and my hub. You know, because I was busy and stuff. And because I never think about myself, you know. I'm always thinking of others.


Needless to say, my hub and I were still nameless when the laminating lady called me and said I NEED YOUR PIONEER NAMES RIGHT NOW!


Fortunately I had just checked out a DVD at the library called Handcart: One Man's Journey With the Martin Handcart Company.



Not only was the story full of romance and sacrifice, there was faltering faith and redemption and conversion and a dramatic rescue at the river.


It was perfect.


So I innocently gave the laminating lady the names of the two main characters, Abigail Shipe and Samuel Hunter.


According to my hub I might as well have given her the names Isabella Swan and Edwardo Cullenson.


At least that's what he said on the phone when he called me the day before trek shouting:


"I AM NOT GOING ON TREK!"


He'd been doing some research about our names. And we all know what research does. It proves everything that we assumed to be true false.


"WE'RE TREKKING FOR FAKE PEOPLE!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

oops. sa. daisy.


"I'M NOT TREKKING FOR FAKE PEOPLE!!!!!!"



He has his integrity after all.


Guess I shoulda woulda coulda checked into that before laminating their fake identities across our tags.


tee hee


My hub demanded that I get new name tags laminated hours before take off, but our fearless leader said, "Too bad, so sad."


But first he said, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"


I assured my hub that no one would notice. How would anyone know? I mean trek is all pretend anyway, right? We're not REALLY pioneers. Why not trek for pretend people who are also pretending to be pioneers. Pretend people represent real people, don't they? huh? huh? huh? Life is just a big friggin' lie anyhow. Our little lie is just a microcosm of the bigger, grander lie.


These are the things that spew forth from a brain that is both dumb AND dumber.



It goes without saying that we didn't win the bead contest. In fact we didn't secure a single bead.


But if they ever swap beads for being the biggest losers . . .




(I still contend that it wouldn't have been that hard to play off had the bus driver not popped in that stinkin' Handcart: One Man's Journey movie for everyone to watch on the way to Wyoming!)



P.S. Good thing I'm YW Prez, eh?

23 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

I can't believe that you would lower your standards to trek for fake people. You should be ashamed. But it doesn't sound like I need to mock you further cuz your hubs already put in his two cents worth.

I'm looking for the show "the biggest bead loser" to come out this fall.

Living the Scream said...

This was so hilarious! This was so funny it could be in a sitcom it would have to be a mormon sitcom lol lets start writing it HA

cfoxes33 said...

Oops! Sounds like something I would do.

Martha said...

I have to put in my two cents. So doesn't your hub's family have any pioneer stock? You already gave away your two best ancestors to the kids. Couldn't his side come up with any?

springrose said...

Did your bus driver actually put that movie in for all to watch? If so that is SO FUNNY!!!! And I agree with Martha. Have the Hub come up with some pineers from his side of the family!!!!!!

DeNae said...

I had an ancestor in the Martin company, too. AND the Willey, because my bad karma has a long and proud history.

I actually have a really cool story about trek and finding ancestors and ancestors finding you. But I'll save it for when I can collect a few beads for the telling!

Katherine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LKP said...

i. cannot. stop. laughing!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Katherine, am I to understand that Elizabeth Xavier was in the Willie company?

hahahahahahahah

It's official then, beyond a shadow of a doubt, not only am I dumb and dumber, I'm dumbest too!

As for the rest of you, my hub did find some relatives in the Willie company that he trekked for after he REFUSED to trek for Edwardo Cullenson. ;)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Martha, I DO see the likeness. Wyatt says NO WAY though. ha ha

Stephen said...

Very funny and with a couple disguised philosophical gems.

T said...

bwah haha... seriously, as sweet and romantic as the first story is... I think THIS is the story that your great great grandchildren will be sharing on their own trek.

Donna said...

I so love this....I mean I have always believed that some (half) of the stories were made up anyway...so this is perfect. Since my ancestors sold whiskey and noshes to the Indians...I have always been snotty about pioneer stories...I am the freakin' pioneer!! I am the first, I am the one with the sad story....
I love the treks...but this blog post is priceless!

nevadanista said...

Sometimes you make me cry - fo reals :D

Jillybean said...

I had an ancestor in the Martin company.
Or at least I think I did, now I'm beginning to wonder......


Edwardo Cullenson?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Kazzy said...

How brilliant to give people a purpose in their struggle at trek. I love that!

Katherine said...
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The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, Katherine! Hahaha

Martin Willy, same dif. They were only a few weeks apart. ;)

I must read Melanie's pioneer story book so I can know my ancestors as well as you do. ha ha

SWIRL said...

The pressure!
Whenever my husband tries to motivate me about "remember the pioneers and how they persisted against all odds..." {yadda yadda yadda} I quickly remind him.. I'm not from Pioneer heritage.. I am from the one brother who DIDn't trek to Utah. (His 7 brothers and their wives did..)
But it just goes to show... you can resist all you want.. .but sooner or later.. we'll get ya.
Generations later- my mom was baptized and went back and did his geneology.
loved your story..

Sandi said...

too many funnies to comment on. Lets just say you made me laugh :)

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I have no problem with competitions, as long as they don't involve people trying to best each other. So there.

And do you know that at LDS.org you can go to a place that shows the lists of all the hand cart companies, even the ones who made it across the plains without the need of vampires or warewolves.

It is kind of interesting. I found out that some of my ancestors crossed the plains with Eliza R Snow, and some others with a Henry B Eyring returning from his second mission. He described it as a blissful stroll each day. Now doesn't that sound like someone else we know ie his great great great grandson or something like that? Of course it might have helped that he was courting his future wife. So how many beads do you owe me now, hmmmmm?

偉曹琬 said...

老天爺賦予了強者的能力,就是要他比弱者多擔待..................................................

iMaLLheaRt said...

oh that is the funniest thing ever! You are so awesome!!