Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Creative Genie

My apostate brother Stephen made a good point in my comment box yesterday. He said he hopes that my lack of angst doesn't hinder my creative genie.

This immediately conjured up images of my creative genie with writer's block, lounging around on a red velvet couch eating Thin Mints and reading inspirational romances.

Oh dear. I gots ta get me some angst, pdq. (pretty darn quick) (that's and acronym from the 80's)

Where's my tortured soul when I need it?

But then again, I could always write cute little stories about rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.

And puppies.

I know a sweet story about a puppy who overcomes a sock fetish and an eating disorder to find religion and become a princess.

Or I could write little moral-of-the-story analogies. Like how good it feels to finally make a commitment to your house after living with it for a year. If you like it then why don't you put a ring on it. That's what me and Beyonce always say. But I learned a valuable life lesson while I was playing the field all year. It's hard to find a house that looks good on the outside and still has a great personality on the inside.

Oh, oh oh, here's another one: You know how when you break a tooth your tongue can't stop touching it, no matter how hard you concentrate? It just automatically darts to the empty void to feel the jagged missing piece? Over and over and over. Until it gets all raw and sore?

And then you go to the dentist to get it capped, which covers the emptiness, but takes a while to get used to because it's doesn't feel real. And it doesn't look real. And your hygienist, who also happens to be your visiting teacher, almost gags you to death while she's giving you the v.t. message from behind her Plexiglass mask?

Well, with the help of modern technology, and shorter v.t. lessons, there are other options. The dentist can now pay $136,000 for a machine that will take an exact imprint image of your empty places so he can use his mouse to draw a whole new tooth for you. Alls he has to do is stick a wedge the size of Vermont into your mouth to keep it open while he snaps the photos.

He then photo shops an exact replica of your old tooth onto a 3D computer model. Only without cavities or fillings or decay.

And then he prints it. On porcelain. With a printer made of diamonds.

And then he stretches your face and smashes your face and stretches your face some more until you think you might give birth, and then he pulls out his glue gun and BAM, sticks the new tooth inlay into your mouth. And it fits perfectly. Your tongue doesn't even have to check over and over and over because you can't even tell it's not your original tooth.

There's a moral here. There's a definite moral here.

I think God has a diamond printer.

If I don't feel like writing cute puppy stories or moral-of-the-story analogies I can always share my emails with you. I get emails from some pretty important people. In fact yesterday I got an email from Success.

Allow me to share:

Hey am success, i came across your email now when i was brousing the
internet, and you really got me intrested, My dear, i decided to contact you.
i really want to have a good friendship with you. I will be very happy,
If you can get back to me with my e-mail address so we can get to know each other
better,and i well give you my pictures and also tell you more about me
ok, maybe we can start from there,Beside i have something i want to discuse with you,
that i can write and send it to you. Have a nice day
Best Regards


What do you think Success wants to discuse with me?????

If you guys get tired of my emails, my creative genie can just share some linky lub. In fact, if you haven't already read Kristina P. today she is so stinkin' heelarious (as usual).

Also, remember Iwa? She was my 1st counselor in the R.S. Presidency when I lived in Laie. She is such a dang cute writer. And she has recently moved to American Samoa so it's a treat to read all about her new adventure. You can catch it here at A Wise Man Once Said.


Cherie said...

I'm all for some good "angst" especially with chocolate on top! But a new tooth - see me running and screaming!

Heidi said...

I have a chipped tooth--a seriously chipped tooth, way in the back thank goodness--and I'm wishing my dentist had equipment with more bling like yours.

Kristina P. said...

That puppy with the crown is looking like a diva!

And thanks for the linky love.

Susan said...

I'm totally asking my dentist to show me his machine. I have a broken tooth right now. I'm so cheap it's been broken for months, and my dang tongue moves over there a hundred times a day.

♥Georgie♥ said...

ammm so lovin the puppy with the puts all my divas to shame

Stephen said...

"Success doesn't come to you? you go to it." Marva Collins

If Success comes looking for you, beware!

Stephen said...

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes."
Benjamin Disraeli

If OPPORTUNITY sends you an email, then you should respond.

val of the south said...

How cute and wise is your bro!

No worries about finding fodder to write about...'cause you are ENUFF!

I have one of those fancy teeth! They cost a lot - probably so they can pay for the fancy machine, but it sure was cool!!

val of the south said...

Oh and DEFINITELY on the Tooele road trip - I would love that! I'll get with ya soon on that!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY for the Tooele road trip. Val, they made me pay $250 before I could leave the dental office.

Stephen, DANGIT! Too bad I didn't get an email from opportunity. Great use of credible sources by the way. I LUB both Benjamn Disraeli and Marva Collins. I LUB LUB Marva Collins. Read a whole book about her teaching philosophy.

Thank you Susan for validating my analogy! ;)

I still think Miss Heidi is naked in that profile pic.

Homer and Queen said...

Who knew dentistry had come so far!!! I still think you have plenty to write about. And I think Heidi is nekked too. And I'm talking smack about you today in my post. And I heart you. But not in a prison movie kind of way.

Garden of Egan said...

Enjoy your success! I didn't know it came in the mail.
We had a patient come into the ER with angst the other day.
He got an enema.

Mary said...

Oh man! I hate going to the dentist--even more than giving birth.

Martha said...

Speaking of teeth. Jim lost two yesterday. Oh, shoot, I think the tooth fairy forgot to come. I don't think he even looked under his pillow so maybe it's not too late and I can sneak some dinero under there still.

Rach has to get a root canal on Monday because she banged her mouth and front teeth on a rock at 3 tables last month (the same teeth that she injured in her skateboard accident 4 years ago)and her front tooth was turning grey. It would've wrecked her modeling career had the tooth died.

I was reading Iwa's blog too and thinking about our time in W. Samoa. So fun.

Good luck with home ownership and I wish you success.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

LOL, nice. I'm thinkin' that maybe my creative genie sneaks out to lounge with your creative genie.
I'm cheering for you and success!

IWA (e - va) said...

Love the letter, but before i came here, i made peace with success and we parted ways!

and the analogy... i totally felt like that yesterday, but its a wonder what sleep and a bunch of cold showers can do for you! hahaha! (btw, if dentist can really do that now, thats amazing!)

thanks for the love!

Braden said...

Lulu's crown looks a lot like the one I like to wear sometimes. I had a BYU prof suggest that the reason there isn't any great Mormon art (besides Twilight, I mean. This was before Twilight got lit) is because we aren't angsty enough and so there's no good, fertile ground for art to grow from. Interesting thought. But then, what did he know? Clearly being simultaneously gassed and vtd is enough to give lots of angst.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH Braden, you totally pulled a spoiler in a comment a few posts back. AAAHH! I'm not that far in Mockingjay yet. hahahahahaha

Hey, we must have had the same BYU professor. (pre-Twilight). ha ha

I think there is something to that.