Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Universe and I (and the purple feather)

AlooooooHA everyone!

I have two stories on my mind today, one that proves I'm a dummy, and one that proves I'm a smarty.

Hmmmm . . . which side of my complex persona should I show today?

How's about my smarty pants side.

But first, allow me a moment to put on my mad scientist hat.

heh heh heh

Now picture me rubbing my hands together like a couple of adverbs. Gleefully maybe. Or triumphantly.

You've all heard of The Secret right?

The theory that the law of attraction is as real as the law of gravity or relativity? The belief that we are all just big stinkin' magnets that can (and will) (and do) attract to us the things we think about and believe?

Well I've skimmed the book and fast forwarded through the movie, so I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the 'Secret'. (Don't ask me why I use single quotations rather than double.)

You guys have all heard about my apostate brother right? The self-proclaimed Mormon cynic--a handsome, funny, pleasant-to-be-around Mormon cynic, but a cynic nonetheless.

Let's just say if I were Nacho Libre, he would be my trusty side kick.

Last week I clicked onto his blog and saw that he was putting the 'Secret' to the test. He did two tests actually, both of which failed. One had to do with a coin toss and one had to do with attracting a purple feather into his life within 48 hours.

(HELLO! Did he not skim the book or fast forward through the movie? How did he miss rule #1: You can't put a time limit on attraction.)

Such a silly goose.

I myself have done my own 'Secret' test, and it worked, so my faith in the Universe was not shaken by his own failed tests.

I didn't give the purple feather a second thought.

He, however, must have really really really wanted to be a purple feather magnet because on the very same day that I read his blog I took a drive to Tawilla, UT (or Tooele, as the hicks like to call it) to visit my twins who were at Hemophilia camp.

I found them in the craft cabin making masks. The craft lady asked my daughter if she too wanted to make a mask.


That's when I noticed it . . . . . . drumroll, please . . . you guessed it . . . the purple feather.

Course I snatched it up. When I see an opportunity to be a conduit for the Universe I take it!

I planned on putting it on my brother's windshield wipers that night, but the sky opened up and dropped a bunch of hail the size of marbles onto my head, making me say all kinds of Mormon profanities like "YEOOUCH! GOSH DANGIT! DAGNAMIT! That SMARTS like the dickens!"

I decided to wait until the next day to make my delivery, but apparently the Universe was anxious to get that purple feather into my brother's hands (being as it was given a time limit and all).

NO KIDDING, my brother NO JOKE pulls up in front of my house FER REALS the very next day.

I almost fainted.

Course I grabbed that purple feather and against a sea of opposition tossed that purple puppy into his front seat.

Hee hee hee

How sneaky are we? The Universe and I?

The next day I read this on my brother's blog:

About a week and a half ago I ran a couple of tests, testing to see if The Secret could truly attract things into your life. The coin toss test failed and the other test was to attract a purple feather into my life with in 48 hours. It also failed, BUT it serendipitously arrived yesterday.

So does The Secret work in a supernatural way, or was it Secret sabotage?

I went by my sisters house "Crash" yesterday to give her a deposit check for our next years family reunion, and the purple feather "magically" appeared in my truck.
So it was either my superstitious wife or my creative sister who thought it would be fun to intercede on behalf of the law of attraction. It certainly was a good laugh.

Secret Sabotage? Interceding on behalf of the law of attraction? A good laugh?

DUDE!!!!!!!! Alls I can say is come 'ere so I can poke your eyes out. (Maybe you'll be able to see the Universe better that way.)

Hee hee hee

Hey, I'm just the humble messenger! I didn't have to lift a finger to get that purple feather into my brother's hands. It came to me, and then HE came to me.

The rest was magic.

Don't it just give you chicken skin, though!? How much the Universe cares!?


Connie said...

It shouldn't matter how it got long as it gets there! Right? You are a Crash Test Genius!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Connie, that's what my daughter said while I was scheming giddily on the way home from camp. "I hope he doesn't find out it was me," I said.

She said, "Mom, the Universe is not going to drop purple feathers from the sky. That's not the way he works. He works through us."

She's so right!

T said...

so... when are you sharing the Dummy story? (not that I didn't enjoy your smarty story - especially the P.S. where your daughter is such an insightful little offspring)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Tomorrow, girlfriend. Tomorrow.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Cant wait, although I love both the dummy and the smarty all the same.

katie t said...


Martha said...

Yeah for purple feathers.

So I was over at the Jenson's today (you know Aaron and Julie). Aaron is like a grown up Zach. I mean for real that is exactly what Zach will look like in 10 years.

Stephen said...

Next time I will wish for a million buckaroos and when it passes through your hands on the way to me, I give you permission to retain half. hahaha

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hahahahaha Stephen. I accept your offer. Let's try it. At least we'd be wishing for something we both WANT. No wasted energy.

Martha, is it Aaron the new PA? He does look like Zach. He's a cutie. I always thought so. But isn't his wife Jenny?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Stephen, just curious to know if you've ever read The Secret?

Stephen said...

I watched the video 5 years ago. Esly swears by it. She claims to have received almost everything she has ever wished for. She claims the wishes that haven't come true(yet) involve wishes for her kids(damn freeagency).

Stephen said...

By the way Esly laughed for 5 minutes straight over the picture you put up that said I only believe in science. She loved your post.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You need to read it to really get the gist. I'm with Esly on this one.

Ha ha I'm glad Esly liked the science joke. ha ha She obviously knows you well.

Martha said...

Yeah, it's Jenny and she had a baby boy last week.

They are also like a young Al and Deb. He's really tall and she's petite. He plays basketball and she's a smartypants. He's a PA and went to school out east while she worked on her master's degree because they didn't have kids yet. Now they have a cute litte one year old girl with brown hair and a dark haired little baby boy. I told them that next they will have twin boys!!!

And yes, I swear he looks just like Zach. It's weird.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

That's so weird, Martha. But is Jenny a dummy too?

I always thought Aaron was a cutie patootie. Maybe that's why. haha

Annette Lyon said...

Like Connie said, it worked for him--doesn't matter HOW the feather got there. It came to him.

In. His. Face.

Garden of Egan said...

I have gotta read the Secret cuz I gots no idea what yer yammerin' about.
Maybe this blog is truly the blog for dummies and I'm one of the geniusez or somethun'
Now I gotta go and hunt down a purple feather.

IWA (e - va) said...

Love the post, I'm so tempted to write down my own list of wishes now, not that I would ever try and challenge the universe.....

Hey I got pics of Aaron from high school if you ever want to compare!

Martha said...

Ok, look at this pic of Aaron:

What do you think?..Zach senior.

Vern said...

My MIL bought me the movie and I turned it off halfway through, so I think that makes me even more expert than you. It's all about one-upping.