Saturday, September 3, 2011

Thinking things through logically

My hub is on this crazy kick right now of thinking things through logically (except when it comes to raising chickens).

He keeps saying, "You know, if you really think things through logically, nothing makes any sense!"

This all started last weekend while spending time in St. George with his parents.

Not to be rude, but my MIL, bless her heart, is not a particularly logical person. I mean, she's fun, she's entertaining, she's a sweetheart, but sometimes she doesn't make a lot of sense.

Just sayin'.

Like, for example, when she does things like knock on our bedroom door at 8:30 a.m. to tell us not to worry about getting up yet because they are still sleeping.

"That doesn't make any sense, if you think about it logically?" My hub's eyeballs said to me.

During breakfast she tried to teach us how to stand so that our insides don't fall out. What you do is you cross one leg in front of the other--like you do when you have to go shi shi--and squeeze real hard.

"They say this keeps your innards from slipping out," she told us, while simultaneously demonstrating.

I won't repeat the specific innards they say will not slip out if you squeeze your legs together, but I will say that my hub looked his mom right in the eyeballs, like Eminem recommends, and said, "That doesn't make any sense! And you're grossing me out!!!!"

See my MIL believes everything they say. That's her problem. Especially if they have witnesses.

"It's the truth!" She declares. "There were witnesses."

There were always witnesses. Like the time one of her ventriloquist relatives was being attacked by an Indian. He threw his voice into the plants so it sounded like the plant was speaking, and by darn if that Indian didn't high tail it outta there.

"What did the plant say that frightened the Indian off so quickly?" I always ask sincerely, because honestly, I'm sincerely curious. I want to put myself in that Indian's moccasins and walk a mile with him. Back to his tribe. I want to see the whites of his eyes when he tells his buddies in the teepee, "You would not believe what this plant said to me today!!!"

But the witnesses didn't write that part down because it wasn't important to the story. The important part was that one man's mad skillz saved his scalp.

"That doesn't make any sense if you think about it logically!" said my hub at The Olive Garden in St. George, after his mom told that story.

But my hub has heard that story a million times. He even told that story in one of his primary talks. Why all of a sudden he's thinking things through logically about a talking plant is beyond me. If his mom says there were witnesses, there were witnesses. Even if they didn't write down the direct quotes.

There were witnesses in other stories we've heard before too. Like the one about little Sarah, who walked 5,000 miles across the plains, singing all the way. All of a sudden this does not make any sense to my hub logically, just because there are only 3, 492 miles from coast to coast, and no one in his family likes to sing.

(Except you, Miss Shelby!)

There were witnesses in the story about the ship that hit an iceberg too.

"Was it called The Titanic?" I always ask. But nope, this ship didn't sink, even though they found a hole the size of Vermont below deck. This ship was carrying two Mormon missionaries and the captain had never lost a ship that was carrying Mormon missionaries.

"Well how many ships did he lose that weren't carrying Mormon missionaries?" Asked my hub.

A seemingly logical question, but apparently there were no witnesses to that.


wendy said...

But here is the really important question
were there THREE witnesses.

Stephen said...

Thinking logically is a slippery slope. Try to have him avoid it. Sometimes it's just more fun to believe in Santa Claus.

Records show there was only one member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonlly called the "Mormon" church) onboard the Titanic. The following is from a Mormon 'Mythbusters' website:

"Irene Colvin Corbett is a known member and Titanic victim. Irene was married to Walter Corbett and had three children. She had traveled to London in the winter of 1911-1912 to study nursing while her children stayed with her parents.

Irene's parents received a letter from her on April 15th in which she said she would take passage on the Titanic. She said several Mormon missionaries were taking passage on the ship. Irene Corbett boarded the Titanic in Southampton.

After the sinking, Bishop Colvin telegraphed New York to find out what had happened to his daughter. He received in answer a telegram: "New York, April 19, Levi Colvin, Provo, Utah. Now find name of Mrs Irene C. Corbett is on the list of passengers having sailed from Southampton, but regret is not a survivor on Carpathia. WHITE STAR LINE."

Irene Corbett was one of 14 second class women who perished in the sinking.

The Mormon missionaries that Irene reassured her family would be on the boat ended up not boarding the Titanic. Elder Alma Sonne was one of the missionaries that had plans to return to the U.S. on the Titanic. Held up else where, he got word to his fellow missionaries to go ahead without him. They did not want to do that, however, so they waited for Elder Sonne to join them and passed up the opportunity of sailing on the maiden voyage of the most luxurious ship of its time. Elder Sonne, who became a general authority in the LDS Church, spoke and wrote of this "near miss" several times."

just an interesting tidbit.

Vern said...

Can I please, please, PLEASE come to lunch with you and your MIL sometime? I would like to meet both of you IRL.

Annette Lyon said...

There's nothing to say but, Hahahaaaaa! Oh, my.

(WV is TERVE, which means "hello" in Finnish. Fer reals.)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wendy, HAHAHAHAHA Goood one!

Stephen, whoa,that kinda gave me chicken skin. Fer reals. If you look at that logically you can't help but think if only they had boarded the ship maybe it would have missed that iceburg. On the other hand, you can look at it logically another, and say the whole hold up was divine intervention. Wow! there are so many ways to look at things logically so that they don't make sense. :) Can you imagine the chills that ran down those missionaries spine when they heard about the sinking!?!? Makes me shudder.

Thanks for you tidbit. I always enjoy your tidbits.

Vern, YES, I would love to take you to lunch with me and my MIL. You seriously need to bring a video camera. And we HAVE to go to Chuck-a-Rama.

Annette. Hee hee LY!

Garden of Egan said...

I always learn something when I come here.
Take me with Vern when we go to meet your MIL.

Oh, let the hubs get chickens.
After a year of begging and pleading my hubs is actually building me a coop. Fer reals!
I live in town.
I'm so excited it's better than waiting for santa.

Martha said...

Wow, I've missed three posts. I gotta catch up. Say hey to your MIL for me.