Monday, September 19, 2011

What not to wear

Well for starters, if you're a dog, please don't wear a chastity belt when my daughter's homecoming date comes to pick her up.

My daughter made this very clear. Several times. And by that I mean, she made it VERY VERY clear. In no uncertain terms.

In other words, she felt exceedingly strong about not wanting her date to see anything resembling this upon his arrival:

But poor Lulu is in heat right now so I insisted that her chastity belt remain intact. (I just have this thing about morally clean dogs.) However, I did oblige my daughter by chaining Lulu up behind the house for the big arrival.

Then my daughter started in on my son who was mowing the lawn. "Put a shirt on!" she called to him from the kitchen door. "Or at least take your necklace off so you don't look like a gangsta rapper!"

Then she noticed my hub's t-shirt, which, heaven help him, he somehow keeps finding at the bottom of his drawer in the pile marked, "Emergency use only."

"Honey, please!" I said. "PLEASE change your shirt. We want to make a good impression now don't we?"

"Yes, we do mom," my daughter jumped in. "So you need to change your shirt too."


Once we were all sufficiently dressed, or chained up behind the house, her date arrived and we learned what you can wear.

A piano belt. And suspenders. Suspenders are all the rage this year. I don't know if piano belts are all the rage, but I didn't hear my daughter ask her date to change so I'm assuming it is socially acceptable attire to meet the rents.

So while we were taking photographic evidence of her date's piano belt, Lulu began making a joyful noise from behind the house. It sounded something like "Hey, I want to see the piano belt too!"

I ignored it, but I guess my hub didn't get the fervent memo about chastity belts as opposed to piano belts, or maybe he wanted to give an object lesson, but unwittingly or not, he let Lulu off her chain.

Oh my! What happened next happened in super slow/fast motion.

Lulu came bounding towards my daughter's date, diaper and all, and you should have seen my daughter's face . . .

Her date, who's favorite movie happens to be Nacho Libre (he now has permission to marry my daughter (as long as he doesn't wear his piano belt to the wedding)) thought it was heeelarious, but my poor daughter could not stay in super model character after that.

Although I think she and her date would make surprisingly good animatronic-car-models.

I must say she looked loverly riding off into the sunset in that sleek black Lexus.

As did her date.

Long live the queen!

Ah heck, they all just looked loverly.

The End.


I did her hair my very own self, btw.

But I can't take credit for her eyelashes.

Those were a genetic mutation.

(Either that or a gift from the Barbie Doll gods.)


Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Ha! Awesome. And it's true, suspenders are all the rage.

Which is funny since my father-in-law's been wearing them for over 40 years....

Anyway, very cute pictures!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I normally just blog-stalk you, but I had to say that I agree: Her date DOES look like Justin Bieber. :D

Sandi said...

omgoodness I bet she wanted to die when that diapered dog appeared! ha haha looks like they had a great time, and you are right, they do look like super models. I don't think suspenders are all the rage here, but you know we are wayyy behind the utards.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

High five on the hair style. Great job. Looks like quite the enchanted evening.

Vern said...

I'd like to borrow that piano belt. And the lashes. Lulu can hang on to his...stuff.

Garden of Egan said...

I love his belt.
He looks like a keeper for sure. Didn't run from Lulu when she was all "belted" up.

The daughter is her mama.

Maybe your daughter should be an eyelash model along with the rest of her cute self model.

DeNae said...

You know I love you, and I'm always prepared to have fun over here. But as a coldhearted humor writer myself, I have a pretty high standard for "funny." And my friend, I'm wiping the tears right now. Ho. Lee. Crap. That first picture of Lulu defies description. Just writing about it has me laughing all over again. Well done, Deb! Perfect 10!

(Did you tell that cute boy that sometimes Lulu wears her stretchy pants...just for fun?)

Martha said...

I saw that piano belt on facebook. that is way cool. We need to get Dan Bradshaw and Scott McCarrey one of those.

So when is Lulu going to be allowed to be a mom? Has she not found any dog worthy of her yet?

Mariko said...

Cutie patootie! You can do my hair. Too late for the eyelashes though. Did they study her for Latisse?

Braden said...

I love it! I have missed your blog! Laughed out loud as usual. Good stuff. So did your daughter's date know he was signing up to be featured on a MAJOR LDS BLOGGER's blog?