Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Be the Westley

The reason I didn't come back last night is because I threw a tantrum.

I was cooking dinner when it started. Meat and potatoes, actually. Not the food for thought kine, the food for body kine. My hub walked through the door from work and spoke. It wasn't rude, or mean, or chauvinistic, what he said, and yet it gave me the overwhelming urge to chuck the spatula in his general direction.

I didn't do it of course because I'm disciplined like that, but I did get huffy. And puffy. And it's a good thing our house is made of brick!

You see, dummies are harder to lub than regular folks, on account of our stone cold hearts--all that crash testing takes it's toll--but we're even harder to lub when we get all grumpty dumpty up in your grill.

The whole scenario reminded me of a story.

My first semester as an English teacher at BYU-Hawaii I taught this novel by Anne Tyler called Ladder of Years, which opens with a family on vacation. They're all sitting on the beach when suddenly the mother just gets up and walks away.

She walks and walks and walks until she sees a bus, then she jumps on board and disappears.

She wasn't even wearing shoes.

She just up and left her family. Just like that. Without any shoes.

How weird is that? (Even weirder, they didn't come after her.)

But that's exactly what I did last night. I got up from the dinner table and walked away.

I walked and walked and walked. And walked. Until I reached my bedroom door. Then I closed the door behind me and threw myself across my bed.

I wasn't wearing shoes either.

Then I just waited, while my eyeballs perspired, to see if anyone would come after me. Something I haven't done since 2001 while staying at the Kona Hilton Waikaloa. I don't know what I yelled at my hub, probably something like, "Well, you must not lub me then!!!!" before I stormed out of the room and down to the beach where I settled into a hammock and pouted.

I pouted and pouted and pouted, but my hub never came to sweep me into his arms and tell me how sorry he was for being a man.

A few hours later I slunk back into the room with my tail between my legs. Sports Center was on and my hub was sprawled across the bed, sound asleep.

I slithered into bed and whispered, "You were s'pose to come after me."

Isn't that's what Westley did when he met Buttercup? Isn't that what Harry did when he met Sally? Isn't that what Shrek did when he met Fiona?

But about last night. Have you ever noticed how slowly time goes when you're pouting and perspiring? Luckily it wasn't long before my oldest son came to the door.

"Mom, is the laptop in there?" he said.

An hour later one of my twins came to the door.

"Mom, is that scope thing we borrowed from Adam in there?"

An hour later my hub came in an sat on the bed so I pulled the covers over my head.

"You okay?" he said. (He's not great with body language.)

"Not really," I said.

He asked me a few more times what was going on and I didn't answer because really he should already know without me having to spell it out.

"Wow, it's really hot in here," he said. And then he got up and opened the bathroom window before retreating downstairs to watch Sports Center.

True story. Except I added the Sports Center part. He could've been watching America's Got Talent for alls I know.

An hour later I got bored so I snuck out of the house and went for a walk. Course I took Lulu with me because there was a higher probability of being missed that way.

When I returned my youngest boy exclaimed, "Mom, where have you been? We needed you!"

My heart started getting all melty. Then he finished. "We can't find the laptop charger anywhere!"

It's so nice to be needed, don't you think?


Please don't ask me if I'm on any punctuation marks or letters of the alphabet, because I'm not. I'm just learning stuff and feeling stuff. About stuff. And watching other people I lub learn and feel stuff. About stuff. And anyway, I'm much better today, even though I mortally wounded my pinky finger with my new kitchen slicer this morning and then had to go to the dentist to get two cavities filled this afternoon.

Fer reals, I'm forty freakin' three, and still getting cavities and having tantrums!

There's a moral here. There's a definite moral here.

Sometimes you have to walk away. Without your shoes. And if nobody comes to get you, gosh darnit, go get yourself.

As Gandhi would say, be the Westley you want to see in the world.

P.S. Tomorrow I pinky promise (with my mortally wounded pinky) that I will finish my BRB post.

P.S.S Do you hate me now?


Just SO said...

I've had days like that. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'm glad you had Lulu to walk with. And no I don't hate you. It's posts like this that make me love you even more.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

How could we hate a dummy with such a squishy stone cold heart.

Sandi said...

how do stone cold hearts become squishy anyway?
Tomorrow is definitely another day and I hope you give yourself a big honkin hug and eat some chocolate and maybe even have a code red. That never fails to make a girl feel better :)
Just for the record - I SOOO would have come after you!!

Anonymous said...

I love this post.

And, I felt the same way yesterday.

Lara said...

I love how real you are. I have tantrums like that sometimes. And my husband never remembers that he is supposed to come after me. Sigh.

I'm glad you're better today. :)

sarahlynn said...

Hello! I've missed you so much! My fault, been too busy.

Anyway...I was settled in all nice and cozy to get all caught up with you. Oh, I expected to be thorougly entertained. Definitely, I expected some chuckles, maybe a few tears when you were so charmingly honest and vulnerable.

I certainly was not expecting to be smacked with a thunder bolt. You hit me right upside the head, you did.

Sucker punched me, really, if I have to get technical.

You snuck in one of the most profound statements (a moral, you called it) I've ever heard.

"Sometimes you have to walk away. Without your shoes. And if nobody comes to get you, gosh darnit, go get yourself."


P. S. Of course I don't hate you. Even though you sucker punched me with profound morals. You really should be careful with those, you know. :)

P.S.S. Now I have to go find where I left myself. Drat. (Oh, my sweet Westly!)

P.S.S.S. Thank you for this post. xoxo

IWA (e - va) said...

I too married the husband who would never come after me. And the many times that i walked away and then walked back all pissy and irritated he looked at me as if he had no idea what the heck was going on..... and then i start the conversation with something dumb like, "uh, are you going to apologize?"

Funny cause i've always told him that he could never leave me, but i've never asked him to come and get me........OMG you just gave me a light bulb moment!

God bless Lulu!

Vern said...

I thought Gandhi said, "When Harry Met Sally he was just really desperate for lovin'."

DeNae said...

We've been married for 25 and a percentage years. In the beginning, my husband always came and got me. Then for the next 23 and a percentage years, I had to get myself. But guess what? He comes to get me again!

But we had to have a talk first: I had to say, "I don't have as many drama queen moments as I did during those 23 and a percentage years. So when I do, and they involve you, one of two things has happened. Either you've been a goon and you really do owe me an apology, or something else is going on with me and I need you to rescue me and help me feel safe."

So, yay for me! I have a Westley again!

Barbaloot said...

I bet that mom regretted leaving pretty quick. As soon as she stepped on the bus barefoot, I bet she wanted to go back. But she was too prideful. Bad idea.

Your family is lucky you didn't take your shoes and leave. But I guess they should thank Lulu since she's the one who ate your pretty shoes and I'm sure you wouldn't have left without those.

Kazzy said...

Lol, DeNae! Sometimes it feels like my husband is the one who walks off without his shoes and I need to chase him down. And I am 46 and still have major dental and tantrum issues. You are not alone, friend!

springrose said...

I'm 35 and I have weekly tantrums. I blame it on my parents. Of course if you know me I blame most things on my parents. And again if you knew me you would know why! I think I may have to take DaNae's advice and just sit my husband down and lay it all out. If I am having a walk away moment, needing to throw a tantrum then by darn he better follow after and make me feel safe. That is part of his job after all!
I have only had one cavity in 15 years. That's because most of my teeth are filled with lovely silver fillings because my parents never made sure I brushed! See I blame my parents for every thing bad in my life. And they ARE responsilbe!
Go get yourself a huge bag of Dove chocolates. Not only will the chocolate help your mood but they have the lovely thoughts in them as well.

The Nash's said...

My hubs and your hubs must have missed the Westley lesson, because I too have spent some time tantruming alone and no one came to get me EITHER!!!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

That made me laugh that you said your husband isn't good at reading body language. Mine isn't either. Is there actually a man out there that is?

Isn't that the good thing about having a dog? Even when you're being pouty and wanting your family to show you you're needed, your dog will still lick your face and accompany you on a walk.

Martha said...

Nan read your post just now for SFA. I don't think she quite gets all the references, but she does know who Westley is. I thought it was super funny. Reading this makes me feel sorta proud of myself for not having a meltdown lately. It's not a good time for one. I guess I kinda did right before we moved. I just announced that I didn't want to move into this tiny dumb house. I then got scolded that I had to be the strong one. Dang it.

Anyway, things are starting to look up for us. We got our studio finished and 4 rent-paying boys in there. They are all nice and don't bug me.

The first week of BYUH's semester is over and I survived.

And Adam got his mission call!!! Our boy is going on a mission!! So for the readers who don't know he's going to Anchorage, Alaska. He wanted something different and boy is he getting it. (Although I'm thinking it going to take hundreds of dollars to get him outfitted as he has no suit, no shirts, no shoes, no boots, no parka, no raincoat, no sweaters, no nothing except short sleeve stuff.)

Our 14's (Rachel's)tennis team won on Sat. They are looking pretty sharp. Nan and Jim's team lost, but it was close. Coach P helped us yesterday. A tennis team girl is doing a project on our team so now he has to help her with the project.

Ok, I need to go to work.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh goshers, Martha. Poor Nan, having to read about my tantrum for SFA. I need to write something cute and light for her. About the boys. :) I'm glad at least it made you feel better about yourself. ha ha YAY for your finished studio and your four paying renters who don't bug. YAY for your tennis team victories. YAY for Anchorage Alaska and for spending thousands to keep warm. I hear ya.

I have a secret to tell you. I will FACEBOOK soon. And I'll tell the rest of you soon. And no, I'm not preggers.

Thank you all for your words of consolation. I'm glad I'm not the only one who hasn't grown up. ha ha

Aly is right about dogs. They always come and get you too.

Ashley, high five. ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm kinda glad to know that even bee-U-tiful blonds have the same problems as plain ole' dummies.

SPringrose, ha ha I lub those Dove chocolates and all their sweet sayings. And you're so right about everything being your parents fault. ha ha

Hi Sarah! I have missed you. I always wonder how you are.

Sandi, mahalo for promising in retrospect to come get me. That's what friends are for I guess.

DeNae, gee wiz, I never thought of actually talking and communicating my needs and feelings.

Oh wait, yes I did. Does yelling count?

Iwa, hmmm, I like that. Never thought of that either. Not leaving is only half the agreement, eh?

val of the south said...

Love this post! I linked and quoted you...I hope the old "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" fits here...sorry :( Hope it's ok :) Your moral was just too fabulous and I shared without thinking to ask first.

wv: aughtu
Perhaps someone aughtu ask before linking!!

Braden said...

Oh dear. What to do? Be empathetic as a friend or give the male perspective on such things? Hmm, maybe a safer choice would be to discuss Twilight or politics, possibly religion and politics. I would probably give less offense. So, I'll take the safe road and say that I am glad you are feeling better!

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

"I walked and walked and walked. And walked. Until I reached my bedroom door. "

I am jealous of your large house.

So when I was a kid, I'd have a tantrum and yell that I was running away and I'd just run to the car and hide, waiting for someone to come after me.

Nobody ever did.

Dolly said...

When I don't keep up on the Dummy Diaries I really miss out!!!

I lub this post. I lub you and your hub. It's such a great survival technique for me to tune into your life.

Once when I went in to get meds from your hub... I gave him my schpill about why I wanted RX for XYZ and I really wanted to 'splain myself like Lucy Ricardo because I don't usually behave XYZ. Just sometimes when life gets the best of me and I need a bridge over troubled waters.... and you wanna know what your hub said to me?

He said, "hmmm, that makes sense. My wife feels that way." Then he gave me RX and I went away.

I think he really does get you! Maybe he just has too many tantrums to manage at work during the day that the sports center is where he keeps himself centered.

P.S. I am dying to come and visit you now. I'm finally getting settled. Not actually settled but I'm finally getting around to starting it. : )