You know what I lub about dirty dishes? They're always there for you. Rain or shine.
I made that one up at 4:15 this morning when I got up to get a drink.
Maybe that's why I don't clean the dishes more often. Cause they're always there for me. Get it?
I usually have a really good reason for not doing the dishes, like I'm tired and stuff, but last night I didn't do them because I was at my daughter's parent teacher conferences from 4-7 p.m. And then I went laser tagging with my Young Women from 7-9 p.m. (Can I just say that I lub my young women so gosh darn much! And all them leader ladies too. It's so cool to be me.)
But about my daughter's parent teacher conferences. I didn't go last year. My daughter is a straight A student. Plus all her teachers knew her name. So I figured, why bother.
But this year was different.
My daughter changed schools this year. Again. She did it of her own volition, (which means free will and choice, Nana) and it wasn't because she had a bad experience last year. As Tony the Tiger would say, she had a Grrrrrreat experience last year.
I'm of the opinion that people are people. Wherever you go. When you take them case by case, they're almost always cool and interesting and fun. Almost. But as a collective group, people can be weirdies. It's called culture. But that's a whole nother post.
Teachers are just the opposite. Lump them all together as a group and teachers are awesome--they're laying the yellow brick road to the future. But take them case by case and some of them can mess with your head.
I just needed to see for myself. So I went to parent teacher conference.
There were several surprises. For instance, my daughter got a 97% on her last biology test, her seminary teacher is only twelve years old, and her math teacher said he teaches AP Calculus.
"No daughter of mine would be taking AP Calculus," I told him. "I barely passed pre-algebra in college." But then he showed me her name and grade on the roll and gave me some smelling salts.
There were other things I was more prepared for, but needed to see for myself. I knew her Computer Lit teacher was a Pittsburgh Steelers fan and had a football helmet the size of Vermont on his wall. But that was just one wall. Holy sports paraphernalia Batman!
It turns out her Spanish teacher is related to my MIL, which explains her zest for life, but doesn't explain her desire to have her students tell their favorite Chuck Norris jokes in Spanish.
Can you even think of one Chuck Norris joke in English?
Her Honors English teacher. She looked right at my daughter on the first day of class and told her she would sue her pants off if she ever posted video footage of her teaching on Youtube.
Do you think that includes her annual Pride and Prejudice costume ball at the end of the year? And what if I just post in on my blog?
The aerobics teacher thinks my daughter's name is Slowpoke. That's what she calls her anyway. Unless my daughter speeds up. Then she calls her Cheater. And sometimes she just calls her Hey-you-in-the-red-shirt.
She's this little bundle of adrenalin who works their guts out. In fact one day she was working their guts out so hard that her own guts started coming up, in chuck-like fashion. Do you think she stopped? Nope. She just kept on keeping on. While chucking up in between.
My daughter is on the SAT list because of this teacher, which means she has to stay in for lunch because she has an unexcused absence. From the 2nd day of school. This school takes unexcused absences very seriously. But so does my daughter. She never misses the 2nd day of school. But the teacher accidentally marked her absent. My daughter has talked to her about it--asked her to correct it, so she can eat lunch and stuff--and the teacher tells her she's working on it.
I decided I should probably work on it with her. Because I like it when my daughter eats. The teacher told me my daughter would need to do some aerobic exercise on her own to make up for the absence.
"Well she wasn't actually absent," I said,"but hows about two hours of tennis a day? Does that count? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
She told me she would prefer it be exercise outside her normal exercise routine, because routine exercise shouldn't count.
I guess it doesn't get the heart rate up like unroutine exercise.
Long, trivial story short, I ended up forcing her at gunpoint to research and then admit that my daughter was indeed in class on the 2nd day of school.
She even filled out a slip for the office to excuse her absence, but she wrote Krista on the Studen't Name line.
"My daughter's name ain't Krista," I told her. "It's Slowpoke."
And then I slow poked her eyes out.
Hey, I thought of a Chuck Norris joke:
Q: Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
A: To get to the other bride. LOLOL
(Wait, did Chuck Norris get married a lot or not?)
(That probably would have been a better Brigham Young joke, huh?)
(See, there's nothing funny about Chuck Norris.)