Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My door


It's me Crash, coming to you live from St. George. I've been very very busy here practicing my acceptance and/or concession speeches for the big announcement today.

My acceptance speech was going to be concise and to the point--something along the lines of:


My concession speech is going to come from a more humble, tearful place:

I didn't win. It's not my turn to be rich and famous. And perpetually blissful. Maybe I can get rich and famous by being Grumpty Dumpty instead. Or maybe I'll try out for America's Next Top Model. Or Survivor. Or The Amazing Race. Or The Apprentice. Or The Mole. Or Dancing with the Almost Stars.

Am I disappointed? Yes! Do I feel like I have a big scarlet letter L on my forehead? Yes! Yes! Yes! But I take comfort in the fact that there are more losers out there then winners in this world, so at least I'm in good company. Which makes me more endearing to all the rest of you losers, right?

(Maybe I should have cheated!)

But anyway, I've still got my health. My perfect health. And my dog. My perfect dog.

Oh, and my kids. I've still got my kids.

And my traffic ticket. I've still got my traffic ticket.

I go to court on January 5th and I'll probably need to change my strategy from "DON'T MESS WITH ME! I'm RICH AND FAMOUS!" to "PLEASE, please, pretty please, don't make me pay that traffic ticket! And btw, do you have a payment plan?"

But fer reals, it's not all gloom and doom over here. Good things are happening too. I saw Thurl Bailey at Costco. When I bragged to my twins about it they said, "So! We see him all that time at basketball practice!"

"He touched me!" said my oldest twin.

"He zipped up my jacket for me," said the other.

"Oh."That's all I could muster. Just "Oh!"

Another good thing is that I'm learning new things. They say you're never too old to learn and it's true. During the drive to St. George my twins taught me that there are various uses for knitting needles. Not only can they make scarves and hats, they can also be used as light sabers, as well as pimple poppers.

My hub taught me that the rumor there are no dumb questions is a myth. There is one dumb question and my hub revealed it to me when he called me from his parents car and said.

"So, do you know how to use the windshield wipers?"

"Ummmmm." That's all I could muster. Just, "Ummmmm."

So anyways, it's all good. Over here. In my world. Yes, my eyeballs got sweaty. But I was just using SAM-e anyway. To get rich and famous. And to further my agenda to heal the world.

As my friend Dolly always says, "If not this, SOMETHING BETTER!"

There must be something better around the corner.

Which reminds me of a lesson I learned when my twins were born. It's was an extremely stressful, dangerous and emotionally draining birth. I'd been in the hospital for two weeks imitating a human incubator after my water broke at 27 weeks. The docs told me that every day I kept those babies in the womb was priceless to their future well being. They weren't fully developed and the risk of physical and mental disability was HUGE.


My full time job was trying to grow some healthy babies so when one of them (my hemophiliac) slipped into the birth canal I kinda panicked. His head was too fragile to withstand the pressure and he was at risk to sustain some serious internal bleeding in his brain. The thought of it kinda freaked me out a little tiny bit.

So my hub put his hands on my belly and said a prayer, asking for divine intervention to prolong the pregnancy until our babies were out of danger.

I was instantly completely calm, cool and collected. I thought I knew why.

"It's okay," I told my hub. "They are not going to be born tonight."

Within 10 minutes they were prepping me for an emergency C-section and my twins made their grand entrance into this world. They spent 6 weeks in NICU and came home hooked to monitors and weighing less than 4 lbs each. They were sick every other week for 2 years and kept us up all night long on several occasions. They had breathing issues and more than once we rushed them to the hospital. On one occasion the hospital rushed to us. (Remember that Martha?)

But you know what? They are just fine. Completely fine. Perfectly healthy normal boys, with slim to none physical or mental issues from their early entrance.

We were so darn lucky. Or blessed. (Tomato/Tomahto.)

My point is, I misunderstood my complete calm as an answer to MY wishes--that the babies would be born according to my desired time frame for their own good--when actually it was just a comforting confirmation that everything was going according to plan. And I was entitled to a little extra help from the universe to get me through it.

Sometimes our prayers are answered, not as the answer we want, but as the extra help to deal with the answer we need.

You get me?

I felt that same complete calm throughout the whole second phase of the Good Mood Blogger race. I couldn't get myself to feel stressed about it if I tried. I told my hub, it either means I'm going to win. Or I'm going to lose.

And If I lose . . .

Well, let me just quote Katy Perry's Firwork song:

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

There's a perfect road for me. And for you, for that matter. I thought the SAM-e gig was my road, when actually it was just my door.

LY, peeps, for escorting me to my door!

Hugs and air kisses to all of you for your incredible support and encouragement during this whole ordeal. I'll not soon forget it.


Dana Lyman said...

Debbie!!! You are just the best!!! And the secret word I have to type in for this comment to post is "gugstab" which reminds me of "gangsta" which reminds me of you in your gangsta hat!! I think it is a sign!!

Mariko said...

If that wasn't the prize speech for a good mood, I don't know what is.
You're a classy lady, and now you can just concentrate on your future bestseller. Who needs 30K when you're going to get a 6 figure advance?

LKP said...

lub u.
i still think you should've been given the job, but i'm proud of you & your outlook. sam-e's loss. :)

Martha said...

Yes, I remember that. I remember being very worried for your little W.

It's was fun talking to Z the other day. He gave me a lot of good advice. Just make sure he doesn't fall in love in high school (like you did) because he needs to wait for R. ha, Wait I can't write that cuz she might see it and die. I'll erase it tomorrow morning before she sees.

You ran a good race and something else will come your way. Lucky you aren't here freaking out about grading papers like everyone else here. Perry is going for CFS and working over the whole break to get a portfolio done. I'm wondering if he'll get a 3 year trip after this is over.

Adam leaves on Sunday. Crazy!!! It hasn't really hit me yet.

Martha said...

Hey Mariko, So you'll finally get to meet my Rachel when you come back to school. She can't wait for you to start. She says Ms. B hates her big time. So can you please like her?

IWA (e - va) said...

It was a good fight.. and if there was anyone to lose too, she wouldnt have been my second choice, but she was up there! And i cant wait to see what is in store for you! Happy Christmas to you and your family!

Susan said...

I am sorry. I got the rejection of my life this year too. Like you, I felt the Spirit, only I didn't have that peaceful feeling, I was full of joy.

And then I got the dreaded letter.

I think I learned that publishing companies, whether they be owned the church or not, are run by people. That's all. They are not divine. Or divinely guided. (Or maybe they are and they know something I don't.)

Go get, em' Crash. You'll get this thing, I have no doubt. You're too good not to.

Kazzy said...

Your attitude is always so terrific, sweaty eyeballs or not. But I am sorry for their loss, missing out on getting to work with you.

You and your twins are blessed indeed. I hope you have a fab holiday season and keep remembering those good things.


Barbaloot said...

I don't know how someone that can get life lessons from a Katy Perry song wasn't an automatic shoe-in for that job!

Kristina P. said...

I am so sorry! You would have kicked butt over anyone else. Even if they rode unicorns and had a Hoff tattoo, you would have been even more awesome.

Momza said...

Of course it's something better--SAM-E ain't a big enough GIG for YOU!
Like the rest of the Universe, I'm excited to see what that will be!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

THey have no idea the talent they turned down... but you are right, something better is around the corner and hindsight is 20/20 or so they say. :)

Glad you could come down to our rainy abode down here!

Ly! And Merry Christmas!

Vern said...

Dang. Dang. And Dang.

Can't wait to meet your perfect road!

Jami said...

Well, my dear, I'm sorry you are not rich and famous. It would be fun to know and love someone rich and famous. (To know someone rich and to love someone famous?) My kids are convinced the SPAM shot killed your chances and keep shooting me dirty looks for sending you SPAM. Sorry about that.

Anyhow, I just want to let you know that I love you and I am sure that God has a grand and glorious (though perhaps not rich and famous) plan for you life. Also please don't send me any hand-knit gifts. Luv ya!

lori said...

Love you! Sorry that Sam-E didn't see your greatness. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Yes have you ever read John Bythway's book called horrible start great ending, or something like that. It is based on your very premise that sometimes when horrible things happen it turns us in the right direction and makes everything turn out better. I love the line from Fiddler on the Roof "It's all for the best and couldn't possibly be any better."

But still I am sure that it is hard not to relate to Shrek and feel like it is a big bright beautiful world for everyone but you.

Crazy how I can relate every situation in life to some song from a musical.

Martha big hugs for sending your son off. You need to read the poem I have on my blog about giving your son to Christ for Christmas.

Amanda said...

I'm not sorry that they didn't get you because I'm not sure I could go to such a nauseatingly (sp?) happy place to read your stuff :)

There are bigger and better things for you, maybe not bigger and better money, but your talents are not and will not go to waste.

God bless and have a Merry Christmas! I'm going to visit Lila tomorrow evening, I'll send you a little update on her when I can.

Lots of love,

Sandi said...

I find it funny that nobody has even asked who won. I bet nobody has even gone back to Sam-E to check because really...who cares? we only care about you and I for one, am glad we had the opportunity to show you (by voting every stinking day) how much we appreciate you sharing your thoughts and talents with us on your blog- you had lots that means A LOT huh? You are indeed Pop-u-lar :)

Sandi said...

that was supposed to say you had lots of votes....not just lots.
and p.s. thanks for sharing about the birth of your boys...a reminder about whats really important!

Martha said...

I was listening to aol Christmas music and there was a commercial about
you can get paid for your writing. So go check it out.

I gotta check out NHC blog.

lunch box lowdown said...

You should have won and I am not just sayin that b/c you are my friend, I am saying that b/c your video was SO much better than the others. :)

Heidi said...

I was a bit worried about you but I can see that you are going to be all right. Better, even. This just stretched you for a better purpose. Merry Christmas, Deb!

Sandi said...

p.s. Am I supposed to know who Thurl Bailey is- because I don't. George Bailey? Yes. Thurl Bailey No.Guess I better go google him

Sandi said...

Not only do I now know who Brother Bailey is, I also know that there is a mormon wikipedia! weird!

IWA (e - va) said...

What? there is a Mormon Wikipedia? Im going to go google it... is there a mormon google too? haha!

The only reason why i know who thrul bailey is because he was a Jazz player... but we all know how i feel about them jazz!

Sandy.. How was Hawaii? are you still there.... are you in TVA amongst all my peeps?.. and my sister? (Q building).. and my cute little nephew?(He's the loud cute baby). I was jealous of you and thought about being there all weekend.. and then the storm hit.. and i was still jealous! I hope you have the best time there! really! and i hope you love it!

Sandi said...

Hey Iwa...we are home from Hawaii and you know what? I even talked about your blog while I was there--I told my daughter to read it and enjoy your adventures with me. I did spend some time at TVA, but not building Q. The weather was pretty good, no rain until the day we left. We had a great time....ready to go back!

T said...

you know what - if they see this post they will know that you are the consummate good mood blogger and they made a mistake - you have a way of putting life in perspective girl!!!