Tuesday, February 15, 2011

All I really need to know about lub I learned from Lulu

So yesterday was Valentines Day, and we all know what that means. It means my daughter has been pulling double and triple shifts at the flower shop.

On Friday she spent four hours stripping all the thorns from the roses, which is false advertising if you ask me. Roses have thorns, peoples! Deal with it!

Why should a rose, if it smells the same by any other name, have to pretend it doesn't have thorns?

Go figure, my daughter really digs the hustle and bustle of the flower shop during the Valentines rush. She calls it "exciting" and comes home every day with entertaining stories about the type of people who buy de-thorned roses. I would tell them, but go figure again, I can't tell them half as funny as she does.

But I can give you the moral to her stories. And, I can draw you a metaphor:

People want harmless roses. Wrapped in sparkly ribbon. And they want it discounted.

You get me?

They don't want to pay full price for their harmless, sparkly roses.

That ain't reality though, is it? If you want to roll the dice (with a rose bush), you have to pay the price.

I learned all this from Lulu.

Remember when I got Lulu last May? And she was so cute and tiny and perfect.


And I lubbed her so so so much that I thought I might explode?

And then she developed an eating disorder.

She wouldn't eat dog food, but she would eat socks.

Remember that? And then she would up-chuck those socks. Once she up-chucked six socks in a single day.

And then she went through a diva phase, where she would only eat dog food out of the palm of my hand.

And then she developed an identity crisis and copped an attitude.

And then she found religion, and started hiding her sock addiction by sneaking socks under the bed.

And then she chewed up my How to Train a Perfect Puppy book. Twice.

And then she started barking at people and chasing cars until my neighbors started giving me the finger behind my back. In their minds.

And THEN. She started shedding. OH GLORY, THE SHEDDING! She shed and she shed and she shed, until I started buying jumbo lint brushes by the bushel from Costco.

And then I had to buy a Dyson vacuum, (but that's a whole nother lub story).

I brushed her and I bathed her, and then I vacuumed up after her. And then I did it all again--and again--and again. Brush, brush, brush, vacuum, vacuum, vacuum.

And then I started vacuuming her. My son would hold her down while I sucked all the hair from her body.

And then we would wrap her in saran wrap.

Sounds terrible and horrible and no good and very bad, doesn't it?

And yet, I still LUB HER GUTS!

I have no idea why.

For some inexplicable reason she makes me smile.

Sometimes she's the only thing that makes me smile.

She makes me laugh too. I don't know why. Maybe it's the way she keeps me company. The way she rides shotgun in the car. And the way she reaches out with her paw while I'm driving, until I take it, and we drive off into the sunset, holding hands.

Or maybe it's the way she misses me when I'm gone. The way she runs to me when I come home, and wags her tail madly, and then drops to the floor and rolls onto her back and wriggles and wriggles and wriggles like she's having a seizure. She groans too, like she wants to tell me how terribly she's missed me.

Maybe it's the way she lubs me. No. matter. what. And she doesn't hold any of it back. No. matter. what. She nudges me and curls up at my feet and snuggles me and nuzzles me. And without fail, she always greets me at the door with a present--an offering--usually a stick or a bone, but sometimes she surprises me. Once she came tearing down the hall to bring me a hanger in her mouth.

So peeps, there's a moral here. There's a definite moral here.

Roses have thorns. But roses are bee-U-tiful!

And they are worth the price!


2busy said...

I lub, lub, lub your dog. Oh my gosh, I am in doggy lub.

I would disagree, Roses are not worth the overly inflated prices on Valentine's, but I'm kind of scroogie.

(on a side note, my visual verification is "dumber")

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You're probably right. I should have said they are worth the metaphoric price. ha ha

Dumber? Really? ha ha My verifier is sooo in. tune.

Garden of Egan said...

I know why you lub your Lulu!
She's absolutely adorable!
You love adorable stuff.
Even roses with thorns.

Anonymous said...

Not on topic, but in my dream last night, I went to your house to help "life coach" your daughter (a different, red-headed daughter) (p.s. I'm not a life coach...) and I went to your house, and you were about 6 ft 4 in. tall--taller than your hub. So weird. (It's not weird if you really are that tall. Then it's just prophecy.) :)

Martha said...

Lulu is just the best. How did you guys ever survive without her before?

First tennis match tomorrow for Kahuku. Katherine is sorta hurt. Rach says she is way better than Kylie, but she'll probably play #2 singles because she's a freshman. Josh is playing so good!!!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am very happy for you having Lulu. It kinda makes me think I am the worst mother ever for depriving my children of such experiences. But oh well I would rather pay for therapy than clean up dog hair. And besides I am allergic. How sad, huh?

Heidi said...

Fun, lovely pictures! And that's a good looking dog. (I wanted to kick my dog out the door fairly regularly until she was one and then less often until she was two. Now it's only once a month or so--that puppy stuff is ruff!) And I think stripping roses of their thorns for four hours sounds like horrible torture. yuck.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Nutty, be careful what you say. I was YOU a year ago. EXACTLY YOU! I did not want a dog and I felt guilty for keeping my children from the dog years. You never know when Diana might just earn her own money and pick out a dog on-line.

Miss Heidi, my daughter's fingers were pretty beat up.

Martha, it would have been a party to have Lulu in Hawaii. Of course she would have been an unruly rugrat fer sure. GOOD LUCK with tennis season! So happy Josh is kicking booty!

Mary, HOW WEIRD!!!!!! No, I'm not that tall--only 5'2". I hope that's not a prophecy. ;)

Garden, that's why I lub you too.

T said...

okay, confession time: I'm a rose de-thorner.

BUT - it's totally justified after having spent 5 years of my life on crutches all because of a thorn... right? right????

okay - the truth is I usually just ask M.O.T.H. to buy me some other kind of thornless flower... or a diamond... you know, because that's worth the metaphorical price too.

DeNae said...

Oh, how I love my dog. Which means I love your dog. Because they're pretty much the same dog, huh? Except mine is darker, and smaller, and older. But she's still a spaz and does the seizure thing and the talking thing and the tail thing and the sock thing and the hanger thing...

wendy said...

Of COURSE you lub her.......who wouldn't the hairy, shedding, sock lovin' animal.

We have a standard poodle...and ya know what's great..THEY DON'T SHED.

and roses without thorns...WHAT
it sorta kinda reminds me of life. I'd like to live a "thornless life". Just petals.
Not gonna happen.

IWA (e - va) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IWA (e - va) said...

Take two.....

I can totally see Lulu riding shotgun, wind blowing her hair, waving at all the kids......

does Utard have a law about Dogs in seatbelts? I bet they do, they're U-tarded about those kinds of things!.... so i saw on oprah ( a few years ago) that they sell them and she uses them for her beloved's... so send me your address, I'm sending you one!because with your luck w/ cops, They'll pull you over just to take a look at Hono-Lulu

Marie Carlisle said...

Can Lulu please marry my dogs? Yes both of them? They are brothers, so they won't mind. Is she a racist? I hope not. Dodger is black and sweeter. And Cooper is her color and a little defiant. They can't give her babies, but isn't that a great stress reliever? You don't have to worry! Unless she cheats on my dogs....hmmmm.

M-Cat said...

Oh how I love me a dog. And Golden's no less. Looking at those pictures I remembered out beloved "Freakshow" I can't tell you how many 'thorn's that dog had but we loved him SO MUCH!

What a great analogy. I guess, I need to find my roses right now amongst all the thorns that are pricking.

Brittany Anne Nielsen said...

oh i am so glad that you still love lulu. if we still owned her, i'm positive she would not have as much fun or love coming from our family... well at least from me. i'm too busy loving my newborn.
i wouldn't be able to deal with the shedding either. i can't believe it's been almost a year.

thanks for taking her and taking care of her. my hubby sure misses her.