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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Potential

I know I am often a vague, ambiguous riddle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in mystery.


I use words meant to mystify, and I often leave a trail of questions in my wake. Questions like, what the what? You didn't graduate from seminary?


Truth be told, I may or may not have graduated from seminary. I can't remember. Alls I remember is that everyone thought I did. Maybe because I attended the ceremony and received my diploma along with all the other good boys and girls at Provo high.


When I opened my diploma, however, there was no certificate of graduation inside, but rather a note which read:


YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR DIPLOMA UPON COMPLETION OF THE SEMINARY PROGRAM REQUIREMENTS.


I was close--not more than a few scriptorial workbooks away from completing the requirements--but did I ever fill in the necessary blanks to receive my diploma? I honestly can't remember. Everyone thought I graduated and that's all mattered.


See I was raised to avoid the appearance of evil, and sometimes avoiding the appearance of evil entails creating the appearance of good.


When I asked my hub this morning at breakfast if I ever graduated from seminary he said "NOPE!"


"And you still married me!?" I declared.


"Well, I knew you had potential," he shrugged.


He knew I had potential. It sounds sweet, don't it? It didn't sound quite as sweet when I was in that newlywed stage. You know that stage, where you lay in bed all coy like, and you bat your eyelashes and you say "Honey? Sweetie pie? Googoo bear? Why did you marry me anyway?"


"I dunno. Cuz you had po-tential, I guess."


My poor hub. He got his eyeballs scratched out a lot when we were honeymooners.


Maybe someday I will be able to live up to my potential, and finish those darn workbooks.


Until then I'll keep hoping to get into grad school.


For the record, it wasn't because of obnoxious kissing that I didn't graduate from seminary.


And it wasn't because of all those knock-down-drag-out-brawls I got into with my seminary teachers concerning church policy on beards, caffeine and exposing my knee cap.


It was because of a little phase I went through after my dad died of his own volition. I call it my truancy phase. By truancy I mean I started skipping classes when I couldn't face the world. Sometimes I ditched by myself to go hide out in the public library and read Amityville Horror or Flowers in the Attic. Other times I ditched with my gay friends, Carlos and Shane, to listen to Queen or watch Ordinary People.


Don't ask me why gay people and sad people enjoy ditching school so much. I guess school just wasn't meeting our emotional needs. And seminary and math seemed liked the most inconsequential classes to miss, (which is why I can no longer get into either Heaven or Princeton Elementary.)


But I bounced back.


(Well technically I'm a few workbooks short of bouncing back.)


Anyways, I hope you don't think I didn't get anything out of seminary just because I didn't graduate. I got my hub, so it wasn't a total waste.


That's where we met when I was just 17 years old. Luckily I was past my truancy phase by then, and well into my potential phase.


And coincidentally, I was just about to enter my obnoxious kissing phase.


Hmmm . . . good timing, goo goo bear!




17 comments:

~A said...

Haha I really like this post! You're so right about the newlywed thing... Sometimes talking to Superman results in me wanting to claw his eyes out. Like this age-old conversation...

"Hey you, my only one, my honey. Are you going to stay with me forever and ever?"

His response?

"Probably."

Romantic.

val of the south said...

Hi!

I've really missed out on a lot lately...grad school, kissing, weird dating rules, broccoli and faking your seminary graduation...wow!!

Very weird, very random, very cool posts!!

Garden of Egan said...

I think it should be a requirement that Harvard or Princeton tell you that you gots to finish your workbooks.
No, I'm just kiddin' with you.

I really honestly can't imagine what your Truancy Phase must have been like. I'm amazed that you grew out of it. Not because you didn't have the POTENTIAL to grow out of it, but because you sure did have a good excuse NOT to grow out of it.

I'm glad you got your husband and that you're all ooey and gooey and stuff.
(I'm trying hard to not need an antiemetic about now.)

Stephen said...

Your Hub is a good judge of potential.

Heidi said...

Hee hee! and Workbooks!?!? We never had to do workbooks in seminary. Did we? I'll have to ask MY hub who courted me in seminary, as well.

Barbaloot said...

Have we ever talked about how you graduated from the same high school as some of my aunts? I'm fairly certain they're a little older than you, but did you maybe know any O'Briens?

Then again, maybe you didn't know them cuz they were good little girls who faithfully attended seminary:) Or, so I'm told...

I think seminary was more strict when you graduated, cuz I skipped my fair share of times, and completed zero workbooks but I'm fairly certain I graduated.

robin said...

I just KNEW there was a reason why I connected with you! We both read Flowers in the Attic!!!! hahaha!!!! I don't think I have ever found anyone else who admits to reading that. Gasp!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I just want to know if you have faked anything else? hmmmm.

My heart breaks for you truancy phase. Sometimes I think I am being truant from my own life. But I am pretty good at faking the part of living so maybe not.

T said...

If you have to finish your workbooks to get into Princeton just call on me - I not only graduated but I gave the commencement address.

ummm, except it was more like a church talk and I'm certain it had nothing to do with valedictorian type stuff...

and actually, we didn't have workbooks either...

at least I don't remember them

but MY seminary was at 5:45 a.m. - and I don't remember a LOT of what happened during that time.

which is why my potential didn't surface 'til much later... could be I'm still waiting on it :)

Martha said...

I have thousands of seminary stories. The main one being how we had to attend 80% to pass and how my brother would plan out which day of the week he would not set the alarm clock. I would always complain and think we would get into such big trouble, but he always gave the same excuse to my dad and my dad bought it. "My alarm clock didn't go off!"

Anyway, if you had seminary during school hours that doesn't even compare to what the rest of us outside of Utah had to go through. How could you not graduate? Well you better get your YW PP award thingy.

DeNae said...

I didn't graduate until September of the next school year. My mom insisted I contact Brother Marsh (Jeff Marsh, who now teaches at BYU and writes books and stuff) and find out how I could get my diploma. He said, "Come sing a song at our faculty meeting, and I'll give you your certificate."

Which I did. And then he did.

He and I have joked about how ironic it is that I now TEACH Seminary teachers! I guess I had a little potential, too!

wendy said...

Now I know why I "gravitated to you" so quickly....YOU HAD PO-TENTIAL.
awesome
I didn't go to seminary as a youth (it was early morning and I DO NO DO early morning)
then as fate would have it....I ended up TEACHING seminary 30 years ago when we lived in British Columbia....early morning!!!!
and to double up on the "I'll get ya for now going as a youth", I had a NEWBORN.....and early morning seminary.
I think no matter WHAT I do from here on out...I am a shooo in for heaven.

IWA (e - va) said...

Total Light bulb moment.. I wonder if I make my math class a place that meets the emotional needs...

I dont think i even looked at my husband at thought, You have potential.. I was just truly madly deeply struck by the Love bug.. and i liked kissing....

I just found a new song on your playlist while reading today (#53.. out of my league, stephen speaks) <3 it!

Seminary, Scheminary..... I gave the opening prayer at my Seminary graduation.. my father told afterward that I dont know how to pray appropriately and he was so ashamed.. the bishop called me in the following sunday to go over the steps of prayer... and then Sister E told me at church the same day that she can help me out with any issues that i may be dealing with... I never prayed in public for a very long time after that.... and to this day i dont remember what i said during the graduation prayer...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, NO WAY! R U serious? Do you remember my post when my son prayed that the Steelers would win the Superbowl and the primary music leader made him go back up and pray again and then they called me in to talk to me about it after church. WOW! It's a good thing your dad wasn't there. ha ha ha I am the worst public prayer on the face of the earth. (Besides my son.) hee hee

I am laughing to think of Sis E. offering to help you with your issues! hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Oh, if only everyone here knew Sis E. Well, Martha does.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wendy, you got yours. Which is kinda spooky. I have had to eat every word I've every said and I wish I could take back all the times I've called people creepy because my kids called ME creepy today. ME!!!? The one who feeds them and clothes them and drives them all over tarnation!

DeNae, it's too bad I can't sing all that good. I mean, well.

Martha, I got my YYPP thingie way back when it was called a medallion. So there! HA! Nani Nani boo boo!

T, you were the valdictorian of seminary!??? Go figure! hee hee

Nutty, ha ha ha Your comment made me laugh. I've faked plenty of things. I've never faked my own death, but I have faked my own life. ;)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH Robin, ARE YOU FER REAL? High five for Flowers in the Attic. You're right, not many people own up to that. It's creepy stuff, but I was hooked. I read the entire series. Even after V.C. died and kept writing from the grave. The fact that she was dead made it seem so much more credible.

ha ha

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Barb, no I don't know the O'Briens. But I saw your bro yesterday and my son's b-ball game. He was being nice to my boy and I have a soft sport for people who are nice to my boy.

Garden, I lub how you're using all kinds of big vocabulary now that I'm trying to get into grad school. HUGS to you!

A, ha ha ha I hear you. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

HI VAL. I've MISSED you!