Friday, February 25, 2011

Me don't need no edumacation!

Last night one of my kids told me I was OCD.

That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me! Yes, he was being rude and sassy and had mal intent, but it sent a thrill through me the size of Vermont anyway.

Me!? OCD!?

In my wildest dreams!

Sure I would have a few more ulcers and a severe eye twitch, but if I was OCD everything in my house would have a place and there would be a place for everything in my house. And I wouldn't be unpacking the last of the boxes from my move, 18 months later.

I have, as of late, been purging myself of more than dog hair, peeps. And I'm down to one. last. room. At least in my house. I may have a room or two left in my head.

I tell you this because yesterday The Mom made an astute observation in my comment box. Actually, it wasn't an observation as much as it was an astute tongue lashing. She noticed that I heinously insulted my peeps by forgetting about my blog the moment I became buried waste deep in dog hair.

It's a classic case of dog hair vs. blog hair. I have been using my dog hair issues as an excuse to avoid my blog hair issues.

Or have I?

MAHALO to The Mom for putting everything into perspective.

Or for not putting everything into perspective.

Either way, MAHALO! (The Mom is one of my Hawaii peeps, btw. I know her in real life. Her name is Ann and her hub was my next door neighbor in the English Department at BYU-Hawaii!)

The thing about Hawaii peeps, is they don't beat around the bush. Wrong or right, they come right out with it. And not delicately. My kids and I have had to refine our sensibilities over the last 18 months because in Utah you don't say what you need to say--unless you say it delicately. Or behind someone's back. In Utah we nip and tuck our thoughts. It's the law. We're not allowed to think faster than 25 m.p.h.

I can't afford another proper authority pulling me over so I've been censoring.

It's a tangled web, censoring. A lot of work goes into misrepresenting yourself and others.

Ah shucks, even that last statement is a smoke screen. (See what I mean about the tangled web?)

Me neither. Alls I know is I'm not saying what I need to say right now. I'm talking in circles. Which is unfortunate because what makes me such a dummy is my absolute allegiance to the truth--mixed with the lie.

Truth be told--mixed with a little bit of lie--I'm at a crossroads. I'm looking down the barrel of reality and seeing that I'm at the end of one road and at the beginning of another. Doors are closing and opening around me. And the best way for me to deal with this is by cursing and vacuuming up dog hair.

And watching Celebrity Ghost Stories.

In other words, I didn't get into grad school and I need to get a job. And a haircut.

My GRE scores said I could get into any Ivy League school I wanted--except Princeton--but BYU is not an Ivy league school, is it? And they don't want me in their creative writing program.

Thankfully, I purchased this book before I got rejected . . .

because it looks like I'm gonna have to edumacate myself--crash course style.

Get it? Crash course. (wink wink).

(Ah, sometimes I crack myself up.)

Maybe it's a lucky omen that I didn't get in. Jared and Jerusha Hess didn't get into BYU film school and they went on to create Napolean . . .

And Nacho

This rejection just means that bigger and better things are around the corner for me. Am I right? Or am I right?

Or does it just means that I'm a big, fat, Mormon loser? Who needs a haircut.

I'm having trouble reading the signs anymore.


val of the south said...

It means BYU doesn't know a good dummy when they see one!!

And it means we need to drown our sorrows in a good burger and some DI shopping Tooele style!!

T said...

I need some schoolin' - you could just edumacate me too while you're at it right???

because I'm having a hard time deciding to get up off my big, fat, Mormon loser butt...

Signs, Shmigns... lub ya girl :)

Garden of Egan said...

I know you are not the loser.
BYU-South is the biggest fattest hairiest loser.

Now I am off to read what The Mom said to you cuz I wanna speak Hawaiian.

Scooby and Jon said...

You're not the loser. it's just harder to get into BYU Provo when you live in Utah.

springrose said...

I think BYU Utah is the Loser!!! With a capital L! They don't know what they are missing out on. You will do great things MIss Crash, with out the BYU Losers! We all love you and you are going to find a awesome job somewhere.

Sandi said...

get the haircut, you will feel so much better! Who needs dumb old BYU anyway?

Anjeny said...

You know, I'm meant to read this post. You have put things in perspective for me...I love your attitude on your rejection to BYU. I know my reaction would've been just the opposite so thank you.

And NO, you are not a big fat Mormon loser...BYU doesn't know what it's missing out on. Besides, you already have a job may not be a paying job but it's a job nonetheless. You're a blogger, that's your have peeps who benefit from your blogging.

2busy said...

We don't need no education! For reals...Who says you need an edumacation to be creative anyway?

Susan said...

It don't mean a thing. Apply again next year, or somewhere else. Or do something different. I got rejected from the publisher I wanted, but that ain't stoppin' me. Keep on, keepin' on!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I can't help but see that you are living a parallel life with all the American Idol contestants. At least the ones that got rejected. And didn't J-Lo keep saying that she was rejected many times and that you just have to keep trying. And I read that Chris Medina is having a video released today and that he is on the tonight show tonight. And so perhaps there something to the whole closing of doors and opening of windows things after all.

So you go girl. We are all behind you.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Well thank you one and all for your words of consolation.

Nutty, how very observant you are. I just finished writing a post about how everything I learned about writing I learned from American Idol. ha ha High five, girlfriend. You have been a true blue fan since the beginning. (Get it, true BLUE!) (hee hee) I didn't know Chris Medina was going to be on the Tonight Show. I will def tune in. I bet the grad school committee broke down and cried when they had to reject me, just like J-Lo and Chris Medina

he he he

That's right SUSAN! Keep. moving. forward.

Ha ha Sandi! I think you are so right. A haircut would do me wonders. And maybe some color to hide the gray matter. And maybe a pedicure and a manicure. And a bubble bath.

Yes Val! I'm in!

LY Anjeny. You've always been behind me. And LY Garden and T and Springrose.

Thank you 2busy and Scooby. (What cool names!)

Stephen said...

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." Alexander Graham Bell

Kazzy said...

Sorry about that door closing. That stinketh. You will do great things.

Marie Carlisle said...

The world needs you and you will be found!Maybe not now, but boy will you be found!!!

Vern said...

BYU didn't read your blog did they?

Martha said...

BYU didn't want Tai Wesley either and now look at him. But Josh got in and he's coming up this summer. Can you guys babysit him for me?

Brad Pearce said he could try out for the BYU team. But today Josh did so bad. I am ready to call you guys and scream. His serve is so good, everything is so good, but he can't keep the ball in the court because he just wastes hours everyday going to the lamest practices ever. I told Carl that he need to play points and sets and they are like no, he doesn't need to plus a lot of other dumb things. I'm thinking of starting a KU.

Keola Kinghorn said...

You inspired me to write a blog. Yet another way you have influenced my life for good. You should start your own MFA program and I'll pay you to teach me creative writing. :) Seriously, BYU can't teach the things you know and got to offer. You are amazing. Lots of love,

The Mom said...

You don't need no stinkin' degree. You're already a creative writer.
And I'm sorry I was so harsh (but secretly happy because you blogged about me!) (and that you repented!)

Open those windows! Climb through, and FLY!! Something AMAZING is just around the corner. Just wait and see!

pro said...

Nice blog! I like your writing way. I'm doing practice GRE here: . I hope it's useful for GRE test takers.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I hate being all mushy in here, but I don't want you guys to think I didn't appreciate all of your kind words in here.

Keola! OMGOSH, you guys she's my former student--one of my favs. Her brother too. LUB them both. And now she's teaching my old classes. I'm going to check out your blog. Thank you for your kind words.

And thank you to The Mom. Wow! You guys know my primary lub language! I didn't think you were harsh at all. You made me smile, and feel like someone missed me. MAHALO!

Martha, you made me smile too. And laugh. Call us and scream. We miss you. Poor poor Josh. I hear you. I hope you do start a KU. hee hee Oh, who am I kidding. I lived in Laie long enough to know that no stinkin KU will ever make a change.

LY MARIE! That made my day. You are so cute.

Vern, hahaha I read your comment with two tones of voice. Either way made me nod my head in agreement.

Kazzy and Stephen, HUGS!