Thursday, February 10, 2011

Strange Addictions. And Stranger Rehab.

Okay, I've had enough of that Strange Addictions show. I predict it's going down PDQ, because ewwww!

Is it just me or does watching people eat couch cushions and laundry detergent make you want to stick a toothbrush down your throat and scrub your esophagus with Coop Whip.

Maybe I have no patience for that show because I have my own strange addictions to worry about. Like my addiction to losing important things.

I was thinking about seeking counseling for my problem, but I'm afraid the psychologist would try to tell me that I'm actually addicted to searching for things.

What if he tells me that I'm getting something out of the process of looking? That the possibility of finding releases endorphins in my brain which make me high?

Or what if he tells me that I have a deep-seeded fear of loss, therefore I subconsciously recreate and then act out those fears on a regular basis?

Or that I am trying to drive my hub insane in order to push him away emotionally because I have issues with intimacy?

What if he wants me to go to group therapy to explore my hidden agendas and get in touch with my wounded inner child?

(Do you think I've been watching too much Celebrity Rehab?)

Have you guys ever watched Celebrity Rehab?

Me neither. Except this one time. Last week. There was a marathon while I was trying to sort through some of my unpacked boxes from the move.

I've never seen a show with louder, more redundant dialogue!

"Bleep, bleep, bleepity, bleep, BLEEP, bLeEp, swear word, bleep, cuss word, bleeeeeeeeeeep, curse word, BLEEEEEEEEP!"

Dr. Drew (not to be confused with Dr. Oz) says that you stop progressing emotionally at whatever age you begin taking drugs. So if you're 50 and you started taking drugs at age 20, then you're going to have the emotional maturity of a 20 year old.

I'm guessing Janice Dickinson started taking drugs when she was around seven years old.

Somebody needs to put that chick in time-out, ASAP!

Not criticizing. Just saying. In fact I wonder if my own emotional growth was stunted somewhere along the line. I never did actual drugs, but my mom fed me A LOT of cracked wheat during my pre-teen years. (She'll deny it though.)

Okay, so can I just share a nugget of wisdom I learned in between bleep words on Celebrity Rehab? You know how there is a lot of negative energy surrounding drug addiction? Well there is even MORE negative energy surrounding rehab.

You know I've always been the first to say DON'T DO DRUGS! But if you're already doing drugs . . . might as well just stay hooked. Fer reals. You may not live as long, but trust me, your quality of life will be much greater.

Luckily I have no room for a drugs in my life. I probably wouldn't be able to stay addicted anyway given my compulsion to misplace important things. Knowing me I'd put my stash in a safe place where I'd never be able to find it again.

But guess what . . . I think I'm ready. To face the move. And to start unpacking. And to stop losing important things.

I think.


Momza said...

LOL! Janice Dickinson started drugs at seven! I knew it!!

And you're so right about the Strange Addictions' effect on me. {shudder}.

I can't have any addictions because of my memory loss. I forget what my favorite flavor ice cream is...seriously. Addicts have good memories.

Kristina P. said...

Whatever happened to the good old normal addictions, like porn?

Sandi said...

don't kill me, but when I first saw that pic of sista dickinson, I thought it was you.....oops! have fu unpacking- maybe you will find something fun in those boxes!!

Heidi said...

My father in law started drinking when he was 13. He finally stopped but at 74 years of age, he's still way younger than my husband at 46. Annoying.

Garden of Egan said...

Wow. I was thinking for a minute that you were about to extoll the virtues of drug use and put it right under the HOT PINK value in the YW list of values:
The CRACK Value. The color would probably be gray. The color of the users teeth....if they had any left.

I hope you find whatever you lost or someone shows up with it.

My proof that the YW values that I added just might be true.

The Crash Test Dummy said...


LOL Garden, you really have some innovative ideas. Crack value? LOLOLOLOLOL That's brilliant.

redhessi? ha ha I don't see how that is a testiment, but I'll take your word for it.

ha ha Momza. AMEN!

HI miss Heidi! Love your profile.

Sandi, HA. You're kinda right.

T said...

never saw celeb rehab... thank goodness... but that picture of Janice just scared me off TV for awhile... although it's better than most when she's trying to look good :)

I've never lost ANYTHING important... well, permanently at least... as ManOfTheHouse (and Tauna) will attest to... I do lose a LOT of things temporarily.

Camera Cord - missing at least weekly - usually found within the week... just in time to lose it again. Don't ask where it is right now... oh wait, that's right... it's right in front of me (because I don't need it yet... it'll go missing tomorrow when I try to blog)
Keys - I can usually find at least one set... "usually"
Phone - did you know they go all. the. way. to. the. front. row. when dropped in a high school auditorium?
Wedding Ring - missing 3 years, found in closet.
Cozy - left in hotel room, remembered by the time I got to my car.

It's just that my definition of "temporarily" is being stretched to the limits at this point...

T said...

oops, I'm making up for the fact that I haven't written a blog post all week by leaving the world's longest comments in your box... hope you don't mind. I'll just start linking them up and telling people I'm guest posting here :)

Martha said...

I'm so out of it. I had to look up who the heck Janice is. Now I know.

Jimmy has decided he wants to be on Hawaii 5-0. So get this, tomorrow I'm taking all the kids downtown to the Hawaii 5-0 casting agency to fill out paperwork. I sent them some pics of the kids and they emailed back to hurry and bring them down, they are always looking for extras. Jim is so excited he can't sleep.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, T, both of your comments really tickled my funny bone tonight. Yes, definitely a guest post. hee hee hee hee

Martha, OH MY GOODNESS! How exciting. Fingers crossed he'll be a star. I read this to the kids and they said "So lucky!" Least they haven't lost their pidgin.

robin said...

I am the Queen of putting things "in a safe place". So safe that I can't find it when I need it. In fact when I search the house top to bottom for the item I usually find the prior item I was looking for weeks earlier but not the thing I currently need. Very frustrating. But handy tool if someone wants something "lost" for a period of time. I once put $20.00 in my CTR box to keep it safe and found it years later. Surprise!

Vern said...

I thought I was going to crap a brick watching that guy with the strange addiction of EATING GLASS. (Did you see that one?!) Although I bet if he kept that up he actually COULD crap a brick, and we'd have a whole new show.

SWIRL said...

Hey Crash!
I don't really have any news-- just the stomach flu over at the our house... but thought I better drop by and say HI..

oh- I am working with the Beehives.. and they wanted to learn how to make a quilt... I told them about the Magic Quilt... and they were all excited to make some! (but first they want to make Magic Beehive Quilts.. so they all have matching quilts at girls camp.)

Each girl is picking out fabric and writing their testimony down.. and we are going to piece them together... and they will have testimony/and fabric in their quilt of all the other beehives.

I thought it adorable! See how inspiring you are!

SWIRL said...

okay- the testimonies aren't going to be written on fabric... just on paper.. we are going to compile those... the quilt is just going to be the fabric... in the different YW value colors...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, Swirl, that is so awesome. Makes me verklempt. I LOVE IT.

Vern, I did not see that guy eating glass. eewwwwwwwwww! Ewwwwwww! EWWWWWWW!

Robin, we do have a lot in common. ha ha I hear ya.