Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Black Friday Soup for the Soul

Black Friday.  The most wonderful day of the year. 

At least that's what my hub always says. 

In Hawaii he would jump out of bed on Thanksgiving morning and drive to Chevron to buy a newspaper so he could plot his BF strategy. 

Being the good little supportive, submissive, subservient wife that I am, I went along for the ride, but this year I was a hesitant because I've heard horror stories about the Utah crowds and the bargain shopper cat fights. 

And because, well, it's cooooold outside at 4 a.m.

But my hub is a force to be reckoned with when he wants to save $120 on a BBQ grill.  Needless to say, I submitted my will to his will and put on my game face. 

Sooooo, do you want the low down skinny about Black Friday in Utah? Straight from the horses mouth?
(you might want to grab a pencil because some of this will be great for your next sacrament meeting talk.)

In Utah Walmart lets you wait inside their store before it opens. Right next to the product of your choice. 

Shopko serves hot chocolate and Home Depot shows movies. 

At Best Buy, while you're waiting to check out, the workers let you know that they would be happy to get you anything on your list you may have forgotten.  

Black Friday in Utah is just like being at Disneyland--only less expensive with shorter lines and fewer people. 

I kid not.  

I have to admit I was a little disappointed there was no pushing or shoving, but my hub did have a major adrenalin rush at Home Depot.  

(This is the part you can use for your next sacrament meeting talk.) 

Home Depot didn't open until 6 a.m. so we had 30 minutes to wait in line and watch Elf, which I've seen a hundred million times, so I suggested we go next door to Best Buy and shop rather than wait in the below freezing temperatures. 

But no, my hub was determined to get that BBQ grill and wasn't about to lose his place in line.

What a cutie patootie. 

So I ditched him. 

I went to Best Buy and left my poor hub alone, and vulnerable to the hypnotic persuasive powers of mob rule suggestion. For thirty minutes straight all he heard around him was buzz, buzz, buzz about the Rigid high performance wet/dry vac for the amazing low price of  $20.
We already have one, but he got caught up in the moment and lost focus.  As soon as the store opened he rushed along with all the other wet/dry vac groupies to aisle 14 where they were carefully stacked. 

What happened next was a blur--a flurry of flatbed carts and frenzied jazz hands grabbing, grabbing, grabbing 3, 4, 5 wet/dry vacs.  My hub tried to get a piece of the action, but to no avail. 

SUDDENLY a voice came over the loud speaker and announced that there were more wet/dry vacs on aisle 1.  

You do the math.  

He booked it across the store, dodging the wheelbarrows and the fake Christmas trees and the portable heaters to aisle 1.  He dove over the top of the chainsaws and did a forward roll, landing directly in front of the neatly stacked high performance wet/dry vacs--perfect for large or small clean ups.

But other people were diving and doing forward rolls too.  

So my dear hub, bless his heart, boxed out, and shot his jazz hands into the crowd . . . 

And I am happy (I think) to report that we are now the proud owners of a Rigid high performance wet/dry vac. 

Thank you very much. 

But there was a moment of clarity soon after he got his jazz hands on that wet/dry vac.  It was merely a vague gnawing thought at first, but rather quickly it exploded into a white hot epiphany.


Had he traded what he wanted most for what he wanted NOW? 

Had he been so caught up in the moment with a sassy little high performance wet/dry vac that he lost his chance to get what he came for? What he really needed? 

All that searching and wishing and longing . . . all those lonely meals without grilled chicken or steak or burgers while he waited for the right BBQ grill to come along . . .

Was it too late? 

No. Of course not, you silly goose. Who wants to buy a BBQ grill in the middle of winter?

But when you tell the story in your next Sacrament meeting talk, feel free to change the ending for dramatic effect.  We wouldn't want kids out there thinking they can have their wet/dry vac and eat it too. 


April said...

Ohhhh you are a tease! And we have two wet/dry vacs too. We couldn't pass up a Black Friday deal one year either!

Sher said...

Black Friday in Utah, really makes me want to off myself. I can't stand the crowds, and the really, really stupid people. They all come out at the same time. That said, I still go out and shop every year. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess.

DeNae said...

Freaking HILARIOUS! I love the jazz hands dashing into the crowd. And the forward rolls. All true, all too, too much!

(I was in UT for Black Friday, too. But we were in the Tooele Wal Mart, where the hot ticket item was a complete set of teeth. Man, those hillbillies were scrapping and gumming each other like crazy. It was quite a spectacle, really.)

springrose said...

That was such a great description of BF! I told my Hubby that everyone gets caught up in the whole adrenaline thing of it and everyone else wants it so I must need it to! My friend goes every year and plans on downsizing presents for her kids and every year she ends up wondering how she got so much for them again. Half of it she doesn't even remember getting! The drama is to much for me, I prefer my cozy bed!!

val of the south said...

What was I thinking staying in bed? I missed all the entertainment!

I'm free to come down and help ya'll test drive that new bbq. You can tell the transplants around here...we're the one's bbq'ing in the snow :)

lori said...

Thanks for the laugh! And you know, here in Colorado people are always bbq-ing in the snow

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Love it. I went to target to get the dvd player for my car and eventhough I overslept, I still managed to be in and out in 30 minutes. I did however sucumb to peer pressure and buy a bunch of dvd's that I am not sure I really needed.

Heather and Kyle said...

I love black Friday. We went to walmart but didn't get there tell 8 and we still got everything we wanted. We would have done more shopping but hard to get up with a little boy and no one to watch him and with us buying a new car we decided not to do anything else.

Martha said...

Man, that Al is a diehard for Black Friday. So funny.

I warned you guys of this very problem. If you move to Utah you'll feel like you gotta have all the stuff that everyone else has. It's so easy to keep up with everyone here, because no one else has anything either.

Our new neighbors are coveting our kayaks and they want one now too. I told them don't bother, just borrow ours.

Since it's Christmas season the neighbors are all borrowing our ladder, but Perry encourages them to so they'll put their lights up.

So can you BBQ in the winter? Can you have us over for a BBQ? I'll marinade the chicken!

Just be careful and don't suck up anything important with the power of the new wet/dry vac.

Martha said...

I hope the boys will still like Nan. I'm sure she will change back to her old self once she gets with them again. When they get a tad bit older they might just like it that she's turning into a girl (as long as she can still shoot hoops and pound some overheads).

Martha said...

Oh, guess what? The younger tennis team made it to sectionals. We made it by one sticking game. We got third place with 292 and the third place got 291. So we haven't been practicing at all and they told us last night that we made it. It's on Dec. 12th.

Becca said...

That is not only going in the Sacrament meeting talk, but sharing time as well as my Husband's primary lesson this Sunday. You are more help than you know.

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

Ah hahahahhahaha!!

That's funny.

I think Black Friday's are for suckers though. I am more a Cyber Monday girl.

Jami said...

That is the most inspirational Black Friday story I have ever heard. And then your husband received mercy. Too bad I'm not on the docket to speak again until 2012. But I do have FHE next week. "The Parable of the Wet-Dry Vac" sounds like a fine message for the little ones.

Homer and Queen said...

We were driving to the game but I did make it to your Nordy's that night and got some sweet deals!

Sandi said...

I love you. You make me laugh when I have no business laughing. Like when trying to get ready for a wedding in 18 days! I love love the visuals of the hub's flying front rolls and such as. hahahahahahah THANK YOU!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aloha everyone. Sandi, I lub you too! Eighteen days!! I wish I was going to be there. Kona temple rocks so hard. Give KK a huge hug for me and tell her the honeymoon hurts like helk so don't expect much.

Was that TMI? ;)

Jami, ha ha ha ha ha ha Parable of the wet/dry vac. LOLOLOL.

That made me laugh out loud. Hence all the LOL's. You cutie patootie. I'm just so thankful I can inspire all of you once in a while.

Hey, my verifier says materna. Does that mean I'm becoming a bit of a material girl, or am I becoming maternal like the other molly Momos? Is my verifier trying to tell me that Utah is rubbing off on me?

Gosh dangit, LoW, did I miss Cyber Monday? what the what?

Ha ha Becca. I will use it for my Young Women's lesson too then.

MARTHA! 2.5 weeks until we get to see you. I CAN HARDLY WAIT! Squeal! I have the key to the church so you guys can still play basketball like old times. Congrats on making sectionals by a fingernail. I'm sure the boys will still LUB nana, even if she is a girl now. It's about that time that she metamorphized. (Is that a word?) And I have to correct you on a few things. Keeping up with the Joneses is way easier here because our next door neighbors don't have kayaks or dirt bikes. Hee hee And I didn't enjoy Black Friday as much here because I couldn't slam the car door really loud at 3:00 a.m. to annoy you guys. ;) We will get the grill ready for our big BBQ. Or maybe I'll make some kalua pork. CHEEEHOOO!

Val, you're invited.

Springrose, Amen. The first few years we did Black Friday we got totally sucked into the mob rule power of suggestion.

Sher, you're kinda sexy. hee hee Don't you guys think she's kinda sexy?

APRIL, I just saw that you're still here. What time do you leave tomorrow?

Martha said...

I have hardly been playing basketball at all and I miss it. I miss playing with your boys, dang it.

So before dinner tonight I made Nan go out and shoot with me. But, it's just not the same.

April said...

i can't believe Sandi is still sane. Crazy woman! Two weddings in a year!

So Crash, I leave around 11:30 or so on Wed.....I should be going through your area around lunch time if you are available. Call me if you're available.

Colleen said...

Hey, I went over to Ace at about 10 a.m. on BF and got a Wet/Dry vac too. Only twenty bucks. I opted to clean my garage instead of getting up at 3:00 a.m., and it wasn't going to be any fun without you and Alan to play tag team with anyway!

Sandi said...

April- who said I'm still sane? And make that 2 weddings in 6 months!!
p.s. The pepperberry cottage is going out of business- did you know that?

Sandi said...

hahaha..forgot to comment on Crash's honeymoon comment....maybe it's better that I don't?! hahaha

Martha said...

Hey Colleen, we were at Ace at 7:05 am. That is the only place Perry shops. We got cool tool boxes and drill bits for $5 and lots more Christmas lights.

Tiffany said...

oh my, how adorable is Utah. So so adorable that is what I say. Even on Black Friday they are uber happy and nice to all.

T said...

no pushing??? Glad I didn't go I guess... although I could have run into you there in Provo had I braved the COLD and crazy hour!

Kritta22 said...

Thanks for the talk material! Good idea. It will be my first talk in our new ward. I'll share where I got my material! :) I kid!

Martha said...

We just came home from the Laie School Christmas program at the CAC. Guess what Perry said? Where is Debbie's slide show? All they did is flash Christmas icons on the screen every once in awhile.

April said...

I didn't know they were going out of business. They aren't the ones I sold the business to. "She" sold it to these people from the valley.

And Sandi....DO NOT repeat Crash's honeymoon comment! I spit up my soda when I saw it! And then pretended it didn't exist. That's how we good moms do this. No sense disappointing her. Oh, and tell her there's nothing to look at over here on Crash's blog. Nope. Nothing here.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Colleen, I can't believe we both bought wet/dry vac's on Black Friday. We are so in sync. But now I can't give you ours for Christmas.

Hey Sandi and April, why turn a blind eye to the truth. :) And you know what else you can tell KK that hurts like helk . . . LABOR and delivery. She'll thank you later for being up front now. hee hee

Martha, the boys are so excited for you guys to come. They are counting down the days. And you will get your basketball fix.

And I hate to say it but I am so happy to hear that no one replaced me for the Christmas program slide show. Is that bad? It made me feel useful, in a selfish sort of way. We are going to watch last years slide show tonight with all the kids after we deck our halls.