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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

That's what I'm going to write on the cute little gift tags attached to my neighborhood Christmas presents.

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

Can you guess what I'm giving the neighborhood this year? Huh? Huh? Huh?

That's right, knock knock jokes.

I was going to give them a little take out box full of fortune cookies . . .

. . . with a gift tag that said, "Have a Very Merry Christmas! (in bed)"

(wink wink)

But now that I'm in the orange biz it seems only fitting that I give knock knock jokes.

Speaking of oranges, remember Ralphie's little brother in A Christmas Story?


I could have been his body double yesterday while I was out selling.

FIFTEEN freakin' degrees! Need I say more?

I was totally decked out in my apple bottom jeans and my boots with the fur. (Plus my under armor, a pair of tights, three pairs of soccer socks, two sweaters, two coats, two pairs of mittens and a thick green knitted scarf.) (It took me ten minutes to get undressed for my steaming hot bath at the end of the day.)

But the sun was my friend, so I kicked back and threw myself a tailgate party. If I had been able to feel my fingers and toes I would've sworn I was at Hukilau beach. When I closed my eyes the sounds of the passing traffic coming and going sounded almost exactly like North Shore waves, building and crashing and building and crashing.

Thank goodness for memory cards and memory sticks and USB ports in our minds.

With a little sun and a little imagination, anything is possible. Even at fifteen degrees.

Although I must admit, things are a little tougher at eight degrees. Especially when my thirteen year old tries to walk out the door wearing only a t-shirt and jeans. I've been letting their inappropriate attire slide, but someone's got to be the mom around here at that temp.

"GET YOUR COAT ON RIGHT NOW, YOUNG MAN!" I screamed at the top of my lungs this morning.

I wasn't trying to be rude, I was trying to be protective. I would have done the same thing if he was laying in the middle of the road and I saw a semi-truck approaching. I want my kids to be warm no matter what's coming at 'em.

Unfortunately he thought I was getting all up in his grill. And so did his mittens. When I marched over to his backpack and yanked out his mittens, would you believe it, those mittens were flipping me off!

I kid not, they were giving ME the finger!


Hmmph! Mittens these days!!


23 comments:

OldBoatGuy said...

Darn warm day where I came from!

WV....rescans.....rescan that thermometer!

Amber Lynae said...

I HATE being cold. So I'm the layers queen. My mom laughs about all the layers I wear, but that way I can be sure to have enough option.

Oranges..... Our band used to do fruit sales to earn money for our trips. But we sold them by the boxes. And we presold then delivered. So we didn't have to stand out and sell them in 15 degree weather. Good thing too because I would have refused.

The Garden of Egan said...

Wow, you are really tropical there. We're -22 degrees! Sheesh. The nose sticks together if you take a deep breath outside, so you have to breath before you go out and then not again until later.

Hopefully things will warm up a bit. Good for the knock knock jokes, that should put your neighbors in a good mood.

MaeRae said...

Randy, in his outfit was one of the best parts of the movie. I would have yelled in a protective manner as well. Mittens? Can't live with them...

springrose said...

It's been -4 here when it is time to take my girls to the bus stop. I have been driving them, I'm not going to stand out there in -4 degrees waiting for the bus to show up!! Coat, mitten and boots are mandatory here! At school if the kids aren't dressed for the weather apropiately the teachers have back up clotes that they would not want to wear! They show up the next day dressed like they should be!! Maybe your kids school should start this rule!! If I lived in Utah I would buy fruit from you!!!

Sher said...

MMmmm Oranges. I want some!
I'm actually loving this cold weather, what with my hot flashes.

Momza said...

I'm right there with you about the coat thing...it was -2 degrees here this morning and I have to threaten my 10 yo son with certain death if he didn't put on his "heavy" coat...when he wanted to wear a windbreaker! I seriously had to raise my voice in a no-nonsense tone before he "got it"...some days you gotta take a stand, sister! Stand On!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Wow I don't have below freezing stories, but it has only been 40 here which is still rather cold. Last night I finally started wearing my coat and I thought to myself why did I wait so long. Amazing how much a coat helps you stay warm. Maybe you need to visit me and yell at me to wear my coat. I promise not to give you the finger.

IWA (e - va) said...

LOL! Those mittens just made my day! Seriously..... heeheehee!

So Last night for the 1st time in my life I watched A Christmas Story!! I sat and watched with my kids and thought it totally reminded me of my childhood! No kid... soap in the mouth and all... Except no tongue on the flagpole.. I heard about that as a kid and so wanted to see it done!

So the whole orange thing... Are you really making your kids sell Oranges in the snow? I really wondered if you photoshopped your kid into that pic on the i-15 with cars zooming pass!

Martha said...

You never really did explain how you got into this orange business. Maybe you should sell hot chocolate on the side.

Tell me again why you wanted to move back to Utah? I did wear a sweater today (but that was only because we had a meeting in the library). I had to take it off when I got outside.

Kahuku basketball's first preseason game is tonight and yes Josh is the only haole kid on varsity!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, I thought you'd appreciate the mittens. And it's a true story. And it's not the only pair of mittens that gave me the finger today. We have a bunch of sassy mittens in this house.

Yes, the boys are selling oranges in the snow, but now on I-15. That was at the Fast Stop gas station in AF. They begged me to day it. I wasn't going to take them out that day, but they are determined to buy an electric dirt bike and a Golden Retriever. They made a bundle of money that day too. Go figure.

Martha, my nephew owns an fresh fruit business called Ohana fresh fruit. He used to live in Hawaii. Remember Jeremy and Bobbi? We are working for him so the kids can learn some financial skillz.

That made me laugh that you wore a sweater to the library. That library is so darn cold. Hopefully this cold spurt will pass before you get here.

Poor Josh.

He probably doesn't care though. Or does he? Wish him good luck at the game.

You guys are all cracking me up with your below freezing stories. Now I feel like a whiner. ;) No matter what, it seems like I always have it better than the rest of you. (hee hee)

April said...

BRRRRRRRR! You are one Dummy momma with sassy mittens!

Sandi said...

If I were those mittens I would be flippin you the bird too for making me go out and sell oranges in the freezing cold!!!

Sandi said...

p.s. Crash and April, did you get your announcement?

Sandi said...

me again. I can't believe you said "up in his grill" hahahahahahaha you make me laugh :-)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sandi, I got my announcement. It's bee-U-tiful. How are you doing? What day do you leave to Hawaii? ARe you ready?????

Ready or not . . .

Martha said...

So Sandi are you going to come visit me? I'll show you where Crash used to live.

Sandi said...

Martha aren't you going to be in Utah? I would LUB to come and visit you and see where Crash used to live and help you flog Martha and dodge tennis balls that you hurl at me, but alas, the Laie temple was still nekkid, so we wont be coming to Oahu at all. I am sad about that. But excited to explore the Big Island- Crash you are exactly right.....ready or not!!

Barbaloot said...

I wish I had some boots with the fur for those cold days I venture out. Of course---being the brilliant girl I am, I avoid doing silly things like shoveling walks and delivering Christmas present when it's cold out. I prefer books and hot chocolate those days.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Barb, you are such a smarty pants.

Sandi, the Big Island ROCKS!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I hear ya babe. Yesterday in PhillyLand it was 15 degrees with winds of 14-27 mph. I sat int he car after loading my groceries for a good five minutes sucking on my fingers to bring them back to life. I said "Who needs Costco! I don't care if the Chick doesn't have any Pull-Ups! I don't care if there are no chicken nuggets left! I'm not going out again!"
Then I drowned myself in hot coffee (I'm writing in spirit now you see.)

We are supposed to get a Nor'Easter tomorrow. Oh Goody. More cold and lots of snow and wind. Cane we PLEASE move to Florida now??

Stay warm my dear. Hibernate.

April said...

Sandi, I haven't received mine yet. And I checked both mail boxes too! Darn it!

SWIRL said...

hey crash-
my kids woke up the other day--
:FREEEZING@!!!
or so they say... so I had to pull up your blog to show them what that really meant!

are you really getting a dog? Why didn't you just take PRINCESS???
(not that I could really part with her.. she is sooo sweet!)unless you touch her food and then count your fingers and toes.