Sunday, December 13, 2009

The long and winding post . . .

You know you've made some wicked good soup when you can eat it cold. Like candy. No spoon required. You just can't stop putting your fingers in the pot. And stirring it.

It's just that finger licking good.

I know I've said this before, but I think I've found the ancient Chinese secret ingredient to soup, and it's not cheese or applesauce.

Alls you need is . . . drumroll, please . . . (stewed tomatoes with green chili peppers).

If you're going to try this ancient Chinese secret at home, BEWARE! This soup's got sass. It's edgy. Like a Pablo Neruda poem. (Without the romance.)

Completely unrelated, but does anyone have a plunger?

Anyone? Anyone?

I need to unblog my brain. I'm seriously backed up. There are at least a dozen stories all squished together on the tip of my tongue.

Where do I start? With the story of me grabbing my high school cheerleading skirt and Pom pons to shout YAY as my flamingo daughter scored 10 points and made a buzzer-beater, game-winning shot at her last game?

Or should I start with the story of me trimming the tree. Over and over and over. Trimming and trimming and trimming. Not the first tree. The first tree was easy, being fake and all, and being that it was already trimmed and lighted. Alls I had to do was move it downstairs and photoshop our old ornaments onto it.

It's the second tree that gave me so much trouble, being as it was a special tree--and not in the handicapped sense of the word. Special, as in meaningful. But that's a long, messy story, which I promise to spill as soon as someone gets me a plunger to dislodge all the photographic evidence.

I could tell stories about my silly goose MIL. Oh, my goodness, oh my goodness, she is so entertaining. Which is why I invited her to my Christmas Eve slumber party. Soooo excited! If anybody wants to come over and stay up late watching It's A Wonderful Life and eating homemade fudge and drinking fresh Cali OJ slushies and watching my MIL spend 10 minutes opening her packages so as to save the wrapping paper, which she never uses because why wrap presents when you have perfectly good grocery bags available? then give me a call because, hey, the more the merrier!

My silly goose mom is coming to the slumber party too. She's going to sleep on the couch to see if Santa really does come down the chimney. My MIL says she knows one thing for sure--Santa never came down her chimney. But how can anyone really know that for sure?

She also knows for sure that she had a Santa sighting. She doesn't remember how old she was, she just remembers that she was in a crib with metal bars. (hmmm)

My twins did not believe her. "It was probably your dad," they said, but she was certain she would have known if it was her dad.

"How would you know?" they said. "You were just a baby!"

As it turns out, she says she slept in a crib until she was five years old.

(Do you think all that Golden Corral food is going to her head?)

I can't believe I just spend 15 minutes telling you THAT story, when it wasn't even one of the stories blogging up my brain.

I should have told the story about how I ran into someone at a party who freaked out when she heard my maiden name because apparently my dad was her Sunday School teacher 35 year ago! And she still has a thank you card that he made for her with a picture of jet plane, plus a million stories about what at wonderful teacher he was and how I look just like him when I smile.


That was kinda surreal. You get me? Because sometimes I feel like a fatherless child.

Plus, the only Sunday School teacher I remember was what'shisname who regularly talked about the joys of showering with his wife, (nekked), and who washed my mouth out with soap for calling him the d word that sounds like ildo. (In my defense I was 13 and thought it meant dork.)

Or maybe I should have told you the story about how my boys came home from school on Friday and said, "How come everyone has a bigger house than us?"

Good grief! In Hawaii life was so junk because everyone had bigger sack lunches than them. Now the poor dears have to endure the humiliation of living in a one-musubi house. So to speak.

I told them that it doesn't matter how big their lunch is, or how big their house is, what matters is how big their heart is. And then I dropped my thirteen-year-old off at his friend's--the house with the ballet studio and the basketball court and the outdoor pool and the indoor Sobe fountain.

"Hey, at least you're good looking," I yelled after him.

OMGOSH! Can I just tell you one more story? You will never guess what my hub planned on getting me for Christmas before I (THANK GOODNESS) caught on to him! Fo' real, he was hatching a secret plan in the back of his noggin, until one day we were at Shopko, of all places, and he couldn't contain himself any longer. He directed me to a display and grinned and said, "so which one do you want?"

I looked.

I mean, I stared--with that half stupified, half dumbfounded, half perplexed look I get on my face whenever I do things like try to park the car without turing off the ignition.

At first I thought it was a joke, but he was seriously, so serious.

He was going to get me a Snuggie.

I did my favorite acronym--LOL--and said "I DON'T WANT A SNUGGIE!"

He was shocked. "But you're always talking about Snuggies," he said.

Do you think he thinks he's married to Kristina P.?

Oh, peeps, I feel so sorry for you today. I just regurgitated my entire weekend all over this post, and now you have to clean it up.

I feel so much better though.

Thanks for the plunger.


April said...

I snorted when I read your hubby wanted to buy you a Snuggie. But that was after shedding a tear for you over your dad. How do you do that?

April said...

Oh, and my hubby uses those stewed tomatoes with the green chilis to make chili. Bless his heart.

Martha said...

First off, great job T on the 10 points and buzzer shot. I do want to go to one of her games.

Today I shared a super long missionary story in RS. I usually don't say anything. I'll have to tell you it when we get there.

We lost both tennis matches yesterday. Oh well at least it was sunny and bright and they played well. Remember last year and all the rain and that was when it flooded? And I was shopping at Steve and Barry's getting all their sale stuff and you called me to tell me to get my behind home because the roads were flooding?

So we defaulted our matches today because we are keeping the Sabbath day and we are being good examples to all those tennis freaks. One team was saying it was such a shame we couldn't play today. It's actually a relief to be done.

You know who's awesome now---Spencer K. He practiced everyday and he's got some game. Kevin is so happy and his eyes are filled with hopes and dreams for his kid.

My eyes are the same, because Josh is doing awesome at bball. They had three preseason games this week. He played at least 1/2 of all the games and scored 9,8 & 8 at them. Plus lots of steals and hustle. Akina likes him and I think he should be starting. But I'm sorta biased. I'm sad I'll have to miss some games while we are there.

IWA (e - va) said...

I totally need a plunger too! My head has been filled with the best blogging stories that for the past two weeks, Ive been so tempted to blog again, but instead I stop random strangers around campus and start up random conversations with them!

I love stewed tomatoes... but i just saw it on the top ten things not to eat! something about how the acid eats at the metal can and some blah blah blah about all the chemicals being transferred into the tomatoes.... or something paranoid like that!

I drove to town this past weekend and saw this chica jogging along the beach in Sunset in her two piece, and when i was driving closer to her, she literrally stopped under a coconut tree and started starring at the ocean... anyways.. at that moment I thought of you... dont know if it was the gazing at the ocean or the yellow two piece!

My mom used to tell us... That we should be very grateful that we dont have a big house, because it is just more to clean!

The Garden of Egan said...

Hey Crash..........have ya considered Ritalin? Seriously, my head is spinning from your deblogging the drain........sheesh, Now I have a kitchen to clean up. Remind me to read your posts outside, then I can just cover it with snow.

Just kidding about the Ritalin thing....sorta..

Anywayz, I'm glad you gave your son the wise advice that he was good looking and he didn't need a big house cause that works everytime. The kids in the big houses probably didn't get to live in Hawaii, poor poor kids. They are probably all jealous of your good looking small house living son!

PS I'm anxiously awaiting the next installment of Crash unblogging her brain.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Tauna Garden, my apologies. I know it's exhausting cleaning up someone else's brain drain. I need to take a nap just reading it again.

Iwa, I agree with your mom about the big house thing. The less to clean the better, if you ask me. And anyway, I'd rather be goodlooking. Curious why you thought of me when you saw the chica in the yellow two-piece. I'm guessing it's because she had brazilian bronze goddess legs. Btw, thanks a lot for spoiling my ancient Chinese secret soup rush.

Martha, CONGRATS on losing the matches and on being a good example and on Josh having such a good basketball year. YAY! Can't believe you'll be here in a week. Can't wait to hear the missionary story. You will not believe this, but I don't think T has any games while you are here. Arg! Hey, I've got warm coats for both J and N both. P.S YAY for Spencer K!

April, YES, bless your hub's heart for knowing the ancient Chinese secret without help from the dummy.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Watching snippets of It's a Wonderful life, made me pause and consider how awesome the message of that movie is. Why is it that so often in life, we never realize the impact we have on others? And why is it we never get to find out until our funeral? That is awesome to find someone who your dad touched. I am sure there are more of them out there. Just goes to show you that you never know, you just never know.

DeNae said...

I'm going to assume MIL doesn't read your blog.

My dad told us our house WAS the biggest one in the neighborhood, despite the fact that they were all tract houses based on one of four floor plans, and the only non-tract house on the street was easily twice the size of ours. But I believed him.

Imagine Lisa Parker's disappointment when I told her that OUR house was bigger than HERS, even though hers was that non-tract variety on the next block!

Sher said...

You had me a stewed tomatoes.

Martha said...

I was telling Jim and Nan about the oranges tonight at dinner and after they both jumped on the computer to read your blog. Jim read for a good 1/2 hour so he's using that time for his SFA homework.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

True that, Nutty! True that! I was watching snippets of It's a Wonderful Life the other night and I was thinking "I don't remember Jimmy Stewart being so sexy when I was a kid." ;)

DeNae, poor Lisa Parker. It just goes to show that the mind has the capacity to believe anything it's told, even if the truth is obvious.

Martha, that is so cute to think of Jim reading my blog for SFA. hahahahahaha You guys leave tomorrow! AAAHHHH!

Verifier says sunkrope. Hmmmm

Momza said...

Stewed tomatoes with green chilis makes everything taste better! I add it to chili, plasta-cheese aka Velveeta, spaghetti, chicken soup...anything I want an extra *kick* to!
Funny post as always...thanks for that!

Momza said...

P.S. My kids have adopted "Eyeballs stuck on my plate" as part of their everyday language. Is there an anecdote for this malady? Just wondering!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha That is so funny that your kids have adopted that malady. No there is no anecdote. Sorry. My niece told me recently that she heard that song in the car and couldn't get the eyeballs stuck on my plate" lyrics out of her head.


I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

What part of this post do I comment on???? ;-)

CaJoh said...

At first I thought you were going to say MSG as the secret ingredient (that's Umami by the way)…

I'm so glad that you can plunge out some of your bloggage. I think there should be some sort of chat room dedicated to bloggers who can't get their posts finished (I must have about 30 concepts floating about in my head right now and no way of figuring out how to even start). help

Amber Lynae said...

I think I will just leave your unblogged mess on my floor it might distract from the rest of the mess around here.

Thank goodness you caught Hubby before he made such a big purchasing mistake. That would be as tradgic as those guys that proposeat a huge sporting event and get rejected. I think you just saved him from Christmas humiliation. You really are a rock star.