Gosh DANGIT! Christmas is over, and I didn't even post any holiday cheer.
How did that happen? How did the entire season slip away like water through a net? Or more appropriately, like flour through a sifter, or like turkey broth through a colander.
Actually I know exactly how it happened. I was kidnapped. By Santa. He held me captive at gunpoint and made me do all kinds of crazy things--like spread peace on earth and good will towards my MIL.
And then he made me drink eggnog until I was so intoxicated with joy to the world that I couldn't think straight.
(At least that's what I told my hub on Christmas day when he said we needed to go over our finances. (Such a kill-joy, that one.))
Actually I've just been uber duber busy doing the P word. The one that rhymes with fartying like a rock star.
For some odd reason I've been addicted to partying like a rock star this season, which is good because I need an addiction besides Del Taco, but I think I might have major partying issues stemming from my wounded inner-child who always spent Christmas day alone and hungry with her siblings while her poor exhausted mother went to the movies.
I used to cross my heart and hope to die and promise I would stick a hundred needles in my eye before I left my kids alone on Christmas day without any turkey or pie or hot apple cider or homemade fudge or fresh orange slushies.
Is it any wonder my veins now flow with cranberry juice and sprite?
So my favorite party of the season was the slumber party we had on Christmas eve with my in-laws and my silly goose mom, who stayed up all night watching Twilight on our Black Friday big screen TV. We only had one unfortunate incident with my MIL, who was mysteriously mobbed, bless her heart, in the middle of the night by santa's elves.
(I take full responsibility, however, for freezing her bra.)
hee hee hee
She totally deserved it though after she made us finish the peanut M&M's from last year before we could start on this year's bag.
PLUS, she's reading The Undaunted so she kept asking us if we had ever heard of lumpy dick.
Uh-hem! I personally feel it's inappropriate to discuss swedish cereal in public. Especially with your MIL. Ya get me?
Guess what else I've been doing this season? Playing with my x-door neighbor, Martha, and three of her kids who are here for the holidays.
For old times sake I made chili and rice. And musubi. But guess what? Apparently little miss Martha doesn't like musubi because it's too seaweedy. (As my brother-in-law would say, WHAT the CRAP?)
And apparently Martha thought we were homeless because we sell oranges.
And apparently Martha thought I was being krafty because I made a visual aid for my YW lesson.
And apparently Martha thought I needed someone to shovel my driveway.
Since she put herself to work, I decided to put her kids to work as well.
It was a lot of hard work and a lot of misunderstanding, but it was soooo good to see Martha and her kids (looking like Eskimos).
And it was soooo good to see the brat pack reunited.
We took them to temple square because we heard rumors that it was freezing cold and killer crowded and that only half the trees are lighted anymore and that the visitors center closes as you step foot on the premises.
Now Martha is trying to peer pressure us into going skiing.
Martha, Martha, Martha! Does your life always have to revolve around FUN! FUN! FUN!
Frankly, my dear, I'm fatigued of fun. I'm actually glad Christmas is over so I can get back to my monotonous life. In fact, I can't hardly wait for the new year so I can get depressed and take a long winter's nap.
Not complaining though, I really did have the BEST Christmas EVER! It was so good that this year I didn't even mind buying all my own gifts and letting my hub and kids take the credit. That didn't take away from my Christmas spirit at all.
Even though I did only ask for one thing: Clean bathrooms.
Maybe next year, Santa. (When your elves aren't so busy mobbing my MIL.)
Seriously, though, I can't complain, because, as we say in Utah, we are seriously SOOOO blessed.
(We really do say that in Utah, peeps. Tamn totally plagiarized it.)
I hope ya'll were as blessed as I was this year!