Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Be safe. And have a nice day!

That's what the cops always say to me when they pull me over.

It's sweet and all, but do they really need to pull me over to tell me that? Couldn't they just text me?

I don't know what it is about Utah cops but they totally dig on me. It's almost creepy--like I'm Bella and they're Edward. They can't keep their eyes off of me. They probably sneak into my house at night and watch me sleep too.

I bet it drives them crazy that they can't read my mind, but I kinda wish they could because then they would know that I have a rare form of narcolepsy--I fall asleep if I drive 25 mph.

Fer reals. I have to go at least 30 mph or I slip into a coma.

So its official, I'm a five-mph-over-the-speed-limit kinda girl. And I'mma repeat offender. A triple threat. I'm once, twice, three times a lady.

A lady who can't drive 25.

What do they say again, third time is a charm? I hope my hub sees it that way when I tell him because I think three strikes is grounds for divorce in Utah.

What I don't get is how come my hub always gets a warning when he gets pulled over, but me I get tickets. If I were a cop for a day I would pull people over and give them cool tickets, like to concerts and stuff.

"Miss, can I see your drivers license? I need to know if you're 18 because I'm going to have to slap you with two tickets to see The Black Eyed Peas. "

When I saw the flashing lights this morning I told myself I HAD to cry--my cute-face cry, not my ugly-face cry. I HAD to work it. I've never been one to exploit my feminine charms on officers of the law, especially ones who want to suck my blood, but like all good little wives I was willing to compromise my standards for the sake of my marriage.

But the officer was a woman!

I can't do my cute-face cry in front of another women!

The upside is I get to go back to school.


I'll be able to complete a double major in traffic violation, which, if you think about it, makes me that much more credible when I tell the Bishop I'm overqualified to be the Young Women President.

Or maybe anonymous will help him figure that out for himself.


Cherie said...

If she got you for going 5 over the limit I'd go to court. I don't know about Utah but here in Idaho if you show up to court for a ticket and the officer does not show up it is automatically dismissed. Sa-Weet! If she's busy do ya think she'll show up for a 5 over ticket?

Annette Lyon said...

I bet it was the same lady cop who pulled me over a year ago. It was early morning, dark, and totally empty streets. My violation? Not signalling that I was exiting my cul de sac.

And then she insisted on testing the tinting on the windows because she was sure it was too dark. They'd JUST been tinted, and we weren't supposed to lower the windows for a few days or it would ruin the job. But no, I had to lower the stupid window so she could test it. Sure enough, I was legal. She let me off with a reminder to signal even on deserted streets.

And we had to get the tint job redone.

Any time I see her on the streets, I get a twitch.

Sandi said...

No freaking way. My dearly beloved would be long gone if I got 3 tickets in a year. ahaha. I guess a boob job wouldn't have helped in this situation either- who says girls can be cops anyways???

MommyJ said...

You know why your husband only gets warnings? Cause all he ever gets is warnings. I'm serious... the past three times I've been pulled over, the cop says, "You've got a clean record, so I'm just going to give you a warning." Heh. Yay for a clean record, that stays clean because I've got a clean record! One of these days I fear karma may catch up with me, but for now, me and my led foot are running with it...

Anonymous said...

Are we married to the same person? And are we the same person? I ALWAYS get tickets and have to go to school, and my hub ALWAYS gets the warning. The worst time was when I said, "Thank you" as the cop was walking away. Really? Thank you? Come on.

IWA (e - va) said...

Im with Sandi... NFW! hahaha!

Sorry im not laughing at the fact that you got another ticket... really! I promise!

One time i told a cop, "i really need to get one of those frequency jammer's to warn me that you're around!" He laughed and told me that 1) They're illegal and 2) They dont work.... i told him well what works.. he told me, Drive speed limit! and laughed some more...

Do you get to go to school in SLC? because the Teacher there is Hilarious... he even uses a magnet board of Hotwheels and selects random people to recreate crashes or what they got a ticket for! And he has the best stories!

I say, Save the cute cry and hair flipping for the hubby! And maybe some other stuff too!

PS... I always cry in front of the cops to show them how mad i am for getting pulled over.. but i never seem to have any good stories for them.

Also to this anonymous... I totally believe in Karma... She's just good like that. T will have her day, and it will be bigger and better than ever!

Susan said...

This brings up painful memories. The only time I was ever ticketed in Utah was by a female cop, too. Guess where she was hanging out, lurking? The church parking lot. I don't know if that's illegal but it definitely should be.

My husband got 16 warnings before he ever got issued a ticket. I watched him slip-slide out of three of them or I wouldn't believe it myself. It's because he's so dang cute and sweet looking. He's got everybody fooled.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Well at least you have alread got a minor in sarcasm to go with your double majors.

That is just so wrong and unfair in so many ways. I hate speed limits, they are just so limiting. Don't they know how many places you have to go in one day? I also think of speed limits of more of a guideline than an actual code.

Hopefully you can attend your traffic school online. That would be good.

Lewis Fam said...

Thank you for making me laugh at your expense$$$$$$$ I just paid off a ticket myself last month. LOVE IT

Martha said...

I'm just fed up with them picking on you like that. You should've just kept your Hawaii license and pretended to be a visitor. They don't give tickets to out of state people as much (so I hear).

Can Josh go to school with you so they'll let him have a license over here? He's going to try again next month for the 5th time!!! Poor pumpkin.

Now they are picking on him at PCC at work. They are making him work 32 hours a week. When he asks for less they say no you can quit. Sydney M. had the same prob, so did Ethan C. They fired Ethan, and Stacey went into talk to them. So today I just happened to be by the Admin building and I went in to give them a piece of my mind. Don't mess with my Joshie.