PHEW! It felt good to get that off my chest.
I've known for two weeks. About grad school. But I didn't tell you because I felt sorta like . . . um . . . how should I say it . . . a failure?
To be honest, I only felt like a failure for a few hours--until my closest friends consoled me with inspirational magnets and words of consolation.
Take if from me, the best words of consolation you can offer a friend who just got rejected from grad school is CONGRATULATIONS! And then tell them that from your experience grad school was a creative vampire that sucked the life out of you.
Someone should put those words on a magnet, because they have a way of making you think you just dodged a bullet.
For the record, I did ask BYU why they rejected me from their creative writing program and they were happy to inform me that my file showed great promise. (Or as my hub would say, "potential.")
(Was my hub right? Or was he right?)
I was thinking of titling my first best selling novel, The Chosen, but I'll probably change it to The Promise. (Hey, I'm nothing if not original.)
I will fer sure send BYU an autographed copy of the first edition.
At any rate, I should have leveled with you guys sooner--about not yet reaching my potential. Because in not telling you, it became something between us.
You get me?
But then after I came out with it, only a few of you said Nani nani boo boo in your hearts, and the barrier between us was lifted. I feel a thousand times lighter for having told you the truth about my failures--first my DEB-e for SAM-e failure and then my grad school failure.
Btw, If any of you have a failure story you need to get off your chest, now would be a really good time.
Failure lubs company.
I can wait while you all think of something.
Fer reals, I highly recommend purging your soul in my comment box right now.
While you're thinking, I'll give you a pep talk. Some life lessons I learned from American Idol. Because really, everything you need to know about life you can learn from American Idol.
(BTW, aren't you just loving Steven Tyler and J-Lo?) (Is J-Lo the most beautiful person on the face of this earth, or what?)
Life Lesson #1: Sometimes you don't make the cut. But that doesn't mean you're not good enough. Or smart enough. Or that, doggonit, people don't like your GRE vocabulary.
Life Lesson #2: You must keep evolving and developing your voice until you KNOW who you are. And until you stop being so pitchy.
Life Lesson #3: Once you stop being so pitchy, be generous with yourself. Put it ALL out there--on the line--your heart and soul--even if your heart is stone-cold, put it out there. Open yourself up--your whole freakin' self, not just your beautiful-rock-star-in-ghetto-stilettos self.
Life Lesson #4: Get messy. But don't get sloppy. (Messy is so much more attractive in ghetto stilettos than sloppy.)
Life Lesson #5: Take risks--risks that may not be appreciated by the masses (or by the grad school acceptance committee)--because someone out there will get you. If it's really you. (The non-pitchy you.)
Life Lesson #6: Don't copycat or pour yourself into a jello mold. Step out and be original.
Life Lesson #7: No rules. No fear. (Okay, I didn't learn that from American Idol, I learned that from The Jane Austen Book Club.)
And the most important life lesson I learned from American Idol is something I once learned from one of my favorite authors, Tim O'Brien, only it hit me in a different spot coming from J-Lo, Steven and Randy, who said it to one of the contestants who was always consistent and beautiful, but who didn't connect with the song or with the audience.
Sometimes a song can happen and be a total lie. Other times a song won't happen at all and be truer than the truth.
Okay, that wasn't exactly what they said. What they said was People want to feeeeeeeel. So you gotsta sing from your heart and not your head.
You can't just think the truth, or speak the truth, you have to feeeeeeeeeeeeel the truth.
And if you want to make other people feeeeeeeeel it, SING. FROM. THE. HEART.
I probably could have learned all this from grad school, but . . .
Thank heavens for American Idol.