PHEW! It felt good to get that off my chest.
I've known for two weeks. About grad school. But I didn't tell you because I felt sorta like . . . um . . . how should I say it . . . a failure?
To be honest, I only felt like a failure for a few hours--until my closest friends consoled me with inspirational magnets and words of consolation.
Take if from me, the best words of consolation you can offer a friend who just got rejected from grad school is CONGRATULATIONS! And then tell them that from your experience grad school was a creative vampire that sucked the life out of you.
Someone should put those words on a magnet, because they have a way of making you think you just dodged a bullet.
For the record, I did ask BYU why they rejected me from their creative writing program and they were happy to inform me that my file showed great promise. (Or as my hub would say, "potential.")
(Was my hub right? Or was he right?)
I was thinking of titling my first best selling novel, The Chosen, but I'll probably change it to The Promise. (Hey, I'm nothing if not original.)
I will fer sure send BYU an autographed copy of the first edition.
At any rate, I should have leveled with you guys sooner--about not yet reaching my potential. Because in not telling you, it became something between us.
You get me?
But then after I came out with it, only a few of you said Nani nani boo boo in your hearts, and the barrier between us was lifted. I feel a thousand times lighter for having told you the truth about my failures--first my DEB-e for SAM-e failure and then my grad school failure.
Btw, If any of you have a failure story you need to get off your chest, now would be a really good time.
Failure lubs company.
I can wait while you all think of something.
Fer reals, I highly recommend purging your soul in my comment box right now.
While you're thinking, I'll give you a pep talk. Some life lessons I learned from American Idol. Because really, everything you need to know about life you can learn from American Idol.
(BTW, aren't you just loving Steven Tyler and J-Lo?) (Is J-Lo the most beautiful person on the face of this earth, or what?)
Life Lesson #1: Sometimes you don't make the cut. But that doesn't mean you're not good enough. Or smart enough. Or that, doggonit, people don't like your GRE vocabulary.
Life Lesson #2: You must keep evolving and developing your voice until you KNOW who you are. And until you stop being so pitchy.
Life Lesson #3: Once you stop being so pitchy, be generous with yourself. Put it ALL out there--on the line--your heart and soul--even if your heart is stone-cold, put it out there. Open yourself up--your whole freakin' self, not just your beautiful-rock-star-in-ghetto-stilettos self.
Life Lesson #4: Get messy. But don't get sloppy. (Messy is so much more attractive in ghetto stilettos than sloppy.)
Life Lesson #5: Take risks--risks that may not be appreciated by the masses (or by the grad school acceptance committee)--because someone out there will get you. If it's really you. (The non-pitchy you.)
Life Lesson #6: Don't copycat or pour yourself into a jello mold. Step out and be original.
Life Lesson #7: No rules. No fear. (Okay, I didn't learn that from American Idol, I learned that from The Jane Austen Book Club.)
And the most important life lesson I learned from American Idol is something I once learned from one of my favorite authors, Tim O'Brien, only it hit me in a different spot coming from J-Lo, Steven and Randy, who said it to one of the contestants who was always consistent and beautiful, but who didn't connect with the song or with the audience.
Sometimes a song can happen and be a total lie. Other times a song won't happen at all and be truer than the truth.
Okay, that wasn't exactly what they said. What they said was People want to feeeeeeeel. So you gotsta sing from your heart and not your head.
You can't just think the truth, or speak the truth, you have to feeeeeeeeeeeeel the truth.
And if you want to make other people feeeeeeeeel it, SING. FROM. THE. HEART.
I probably could have learned all this from grad school, but . . .
Thank heavens for American Idol.
23 comments:
I just love you!!
And American Idol!!
And being first 2 times in a row!!
And my iPad, but not necessarily in that order!!
And filling your comment box with inane comments!!
I'm done now - you're welcome :)
Girlfriend, I've had so many failures I wouldn't know where to start! But it looks to me like you've learned the secret: you have to keep laughing so you don't cry!
Melissa
hee hee Val.
My verifier says trugate--Almost like watergate, but truer.
Girlfriend, I've had so many failures I wouldn't know where to start! But it looks to me like you've learned the secret: you have to keep laughing so you don't cry!
Melissa
Tru that, Melissa.
I mean trugate that!
Well you said that much better than my comment yesterday, but we were certainly barking up the same tree, huh?
And I couldn't be truer or bluer right now. Just sayin.
failure stories? I thought I promised to stop writing entire posts in your comment box???
I think of my life as a series of failures - not in a depressing "oh poor me" way... just that thus far - I haven't found what really works for me - so I guess that my journey continues.
Only problem with that Pollyanna crap I just spewed is that for the past year I've been at a rest stop on the journey... a tad bit afraid of the next failure... maybe it's time to succeed at something???
I've been dealing with my own dog hair, in several species and varieties for a few weeks now, so I've been absent from not only my blog reader (and hence just now read your last 3 posts) and didn't post on my own blog last week.
It's hard to crawl out of that hole when you've been rained on for weeks on end. (How's that for vague and tangled web-like?) But yes, failure is definitely my friend. Okay, no, not a friend, but a frequent, unwelcome guest with whom I'm acquainted with.
On grad school, I'm truly confuzzled and upset on your behalf. Grrrrr.
Girl, you know I know failure. Hugs when I see you in May! Write a book, Crash. I'm sure you can do it. You rock!
The truth shall set you free.
I am so perfect that I don't have any failure stories..yeah right. I couldn't even get into BYU for undergrad, hope that makes you feel better.
Graduate school is way overrated. Focus on writing and if you love it, and it shows, and it's God's will, you'll publish.
My husband got a law degree, practiced law for two years and had to get out. How'z that for dodging a bullet. We have over 100k in student loans. Rush Limbaugh has ranted for months about the sham of US education.
Sorry about the Grad school thingy...... As long as their excuse wasnt that "they prayed about it!" (I hate when Mormon establishments use that excuse!) Actually No! Shame on them for not knowing better! Dont they know that a guy from the top of the Zagros mountains voted for you everyday for a month.... and that we bumped out cleavage girl out of the top 20... and that you have connections to Pie makers and Lord Voldemort himself! **exhaling**
Failure is such a heavy word... i actually dont like that word... it makes my eyes water and forces me to watch seasons of Gilmore girls at a time...
And It sucks, but you're a Laie girl so i say this with lots of love, Build a bridge!
Btw... OCD is not a bad thing, It enables us to deal with hard ship in a productive way!
So it's time to start writing your book. Get to it.
Here's some failures: It took Josh 6 tries to get his driver's license and 6 months to finally get a job at PCC.
It took Perry 19 years to get faculty at BYUH.
You've only applied once. That is nothing. Apply again.
Honey, grad school would have really gotten in the way.
You are much happier this way. Really.
It's not like I went to grad school or anything, but I know I don't love being around smart people.
I feel intimidated.
I lub Dummies!
Fer reals.
As far as failures..............honey this list is long.....vewwy vewwwy long.
Oh Garden, you always crack me up. Especially when you start your comment with "Honey" and end it with vewy.
You're right. Dummies ROCK!
Martha, you always crack me up too. Especially when you list your hub's failures.
Btw, I'm getting to it! In fact I've already started getting to it.
Annette, you ALSO crack me up. But in a curious way as of late. I've been thinking of you and wondering what has got your crying in the corner. I hope all is well. Thank you for your ever present support. My new favorite word is confuzzled. ha ha ha LUB IT>
Iwa, another CRACK UP girl. I found a thank you note that you wrote me when we were in Relief Society together. Little did I know how close we would become in virtual life. You have been the bombdiggity.
So many of you here right now have been the bomdiggity. T and Nutty and Susan included. Oh garsh, is it hot in here? Cause my eyeballs are steaming up.
LY you girlz. HUGS!
I've gotsta go. I've got some bridges to build.
And thank you Alice Wills Gold, wherever you are, for your pep talk.
I'm not ready to learn life lessons cuz I'm not ready to admit or acknowledge failures. At least not to anyone that's not me:)
I'm not ready to learn life lessons cuz I'm not ready to admit or acknowledge failures. At least not to anyone that's not me:)
I do love Steven and J-Lo. Simon Cowell was probably on your grad school committee.
Speaking of Failure, I've taken math 1050 6 times. once in high school, 4 times at UVU, and once with a tutoring company, and our class started 2 weeks late, so that we could make sure that UVU would accept the math credit from the school the tutoring company chose.
I got an A in the tutoring class. and UVU decided they wouldn't accept the credit.
and then they said that my pre-requisite had expired, so I would have to retake 1010 to retake 1050.
and I said I wasn't ever going back to UVU, because I was tired of giving them my red cents.
So, you know. I know about failure.
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