Saturday, June 27, 2009

Are we done talking about the King of Pop yet?

I'm moving rapidly through the seven stages of PVBD (Post Vacation Boredom and Depression). 

First I was in shock and denial.  I refused to give into my exhaustion and in a desperate attempt to avoid the blues I began an illicit romance with the ordinary. 

We all know how that turned out.  

I quickly moved from denial to guilt.     

First I became addicted to food porn, which of course I felt guilty about.  Then I memorized the T.V. guide, which of course I felt guilty about.  Then I started watching movies instead of making dinner, which of course I felt guilty about.  

Then I cheated in solitaire, which only stoked my fire of burning guilt.   

And then Michael Jackson died.   

This catapulted me into the anger stage.   I used to be in love with the guy back when he was a black man, but are you kidding me?  Did he SERIOUSLY up and die just as I was becoming a couch potato?  

How many times can a dummy watch MJ prance around in a sparkly gold teddy grabbing at his . . . phallyic symbol before she bounces the remote off his head? 

Does anyone else think this MJ worship is disturbing?  

Let's just pretend he wasn't in more debt than the federal government.  And let's pretend he never went to court in PJ's.  Never mind about Neverland.  I can turn a blind eye to Peter Pan pedophiles and profuse plastic surgery, but the guy has a throne!  

And a crown!!!  

And he named his kids Prince Michael I, Prince Michael II and Paris Michael Katherine!!!!  

Someone needs to GET OVER HIMSELF!

Move over Michael Jackson and let me get freaked out by Iran in peace.

Was that rude?

Okay, I'm back in the guilt stage.


Kristina P. said...


I sort of forgot he was still alive. Until I saw his weird lack of a nose in US Weekly.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY! Kristina P. was first again. And on my MJ post.

Kristina P. I want you to know that I was thinking of you when I wrote this post.

Mariko said...

Just wait one second.
Are you saying that there are ways to win at solitaire without cheating?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Mariko, I have won plenty of times and I never cheat!

COME ON, girlfriend!

Kristina P. said...

I am so thrilled that when people see Snuggies, The Hoff, As Seen on Tv products, and Michael Jackson, I am who they think of. What a legacy.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Kristina. And so much more! So much much more makes us think of you. Whenever I see my neked neighbors I think of YOU.

I hope you can come to the Olive Garden Tim Tam Spam Slam on July 11th. I cross my heart and hope to die if you don't show.

IWA (e - va) said...

uh??? you forgot about Blanket.. So what kind of guy names his kid Blanket and is still being worshipped? I wonder how Blanket feels about his name!

wv: potty... haha!... Iwa has a potty mouth!

Anjeny said...


I'm thinking that maybe MJ should've borrowed Iwa's dildo to help enhance that part of him he grabs whenever he's singing in his sparkly teddy..lmao.

I honestly have no smart-ass comeback to contribute to this post Crash..sorry.

Now Crash...could you please get off the couch and yank Swirl and Martha out of their house and of course Iwa and let's go do something? You are going to go aaallll the way to Utah to party and just completely leave us hanging here on this rock? HOW RUDE!!

val of the south said...

I'm not sure it's considered rude when it's what we're all thinking!!

It's a May Miracle right here in June - Kristina P commented twice!! Impressive Crash - though now we'll have to be nice about Kristina P. after her comments 'cause we never know when she'll show up again :)

April said...

I am laughing so hard at Anjeny's comment....I had my drink coming out of my nose. In fact I had to read it twice to make sure she wrote what she wrote....hahahahahaha!

I got nothin now!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha

VAL, you are so right on. I am shocked Kristina P. did a double take. We better be careful what we say about her.

April you have to go read the comment box on Venus vs. Mars to understand Anjeny's dildo comment. And EWA started it!

YES Anjeny I like your idea. Let's do something cool.

Sandi said...

This comment box has gone right to the crapper. Anjeny said the D word!!! Martha your nekkid neighbor???

Wolfgang said...

i'm so done with it!!!!! can't hear it anymore, and you know whats even more annoying? on facebook, everyones status is about Michael Jackson. LAME!!! everyone get over it. Don't worry about it. lol

The Crash Test Dummy said...

High Five Wolfgang!

Sandi, watch your mouth, girl. (So are ya comin'? are ya? are ya? are ya? I will totally burst into tears if I see you walk through that door at the Olive Garden).

OldBoatGuy said...

Don't you mean Queen Of Pops? I didn't think he could have children, I heard he de-maned himself years ago....high voice...

I think he wanted to be a girl.

I had foregotten about him also. He won't be missed by Farrah.......ahhhhhhh shoot.

sara said...

Amen, amen, amen.

You've captured it so completely.

The Crash Test Dummy said...


Did you guys see the OLD BOAT GUY!?

First Kristina P comments twice and then the Old Boat Guy shows up. Wahoo!

Queen of Pop! ha ha That's a good one. Wish I had thought of it. And I feel bad he upstaged Farrah too!

And Iran.

Sara, it's exciting to see you again too!

Sandi said...

Tell me again when this Olive Garden shin-dig is....and is it a different shin-dig than the St. George one? I'm all confused!

April said...

There are 2 shindigs in Provo and one in St G

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sandi, there is one in Provo on the 11th. Then I go to St. George from the 15th-17th. We haven't set a date or time for that one yet. But I know KK comes on the 15th so that messes with your mojo. Maybe I could arrive in ST. George on the 14th.

Martha said...

So I'm wondering if Crash is saving any time to spend with her actual family while she's in Utah. Isn't the purpose of the trip to go to a family reunion? I know this is your blog family. I just hope your blood family is understanding.

What Sandi? I'm not the nekked neighbor and I can't figure out who is either.

Yeah, Anjeny I'm in on the getting up off the couch and doing something. Swirl has a million visitors, but maybe if we invite the sis in law she'll come too. What about Mariko? She should come too.

Crash knows that I don't get to go out much because my hub is a big-time homebody. I can't really do lunch (since I'm working three jobs this summer) but dinner is a possibility. Our ward camp is this week, but I wanted to do a 4th of July BBQ or at least go to the fireworks at Turtle Bay.

Amber Lynae said...

Yes MJ worship is VERY disturbing.
Remember that video Scream.... the one where he looks disturbing like his sister?? And a thone? I have head of every girl wanting to be a princess, but every man??? Nope I haven't heard that. Because men should want to be MEN.

Jami said...

LOL. Considering how angry the MJ Worship is making me, a LOL (in capitals) is pretty impressive.

(Confession of a wannabe vigilante: Pedophilia makes me really angry and I feel a certain amount of joy when a pedophile goes to meet his maker.)

Homer and Queen said...

KP is lying!!!She is still crying over MJ!

Barbaloot said...

Wait a minute...I thought he had a kid named Blanket...?

Sandi said...

Aww Martha, did you know that I got engaged on the 4th of July after watching the fireworks at Turtle Bay? True story! Are you sure you're not the nekkid neighbor???

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Go Jami! I'm with you.

For the record, Blanket is Prince Michael II's nickname.

Sandi, how cute about my your engagement.

Martha is not my neked neighbor. I was just trying to keep up with Kristina P.