Mine eyes have seen the glory of the error of my ways, which is why I'm officially turning The Crash Test Dummy Diaries into The Crash Test Dummy Gratitude Journal.
Dear Gratitude Journal,
I am so thankful this day for my next door neighbor who brings me gifts that make me vomit. May her super good intentions pave the yellow brick road to helk with wheat flavored lolly pops and gum drops.
I am also thankful for my fans who tied me up to a whipping post and spat upon me and called me a stupid stupid dummy whilst lifting my next door neighbor upon their shoulders and chanting Hail Martha!
Without my fans I wouldn't be the stupid dummy I am today. May they all enjoy the wheat flavored lolly pops and gum drops on their way to helk.
And may they never try to beat Martha in the Turkey trot lest they be pushed asunder.
I am also thankful this day that my hub has finally returned home and that he brought me stolen white tea aloe vera soap shaped like leaves.
"But I don't drink tea," I said to him.
"It's not tea, it's soap," he replied.
"But I don't drink soap either!"
May his good intentions pave the road to helk with aloe vera.
(P.S. Jeepers creepers peepers! Chillax! Me and Martha are BFFs in the real world.)