Sunday, April 11, 2010


Okay, wipe that smile off your face and finish your Coke because my neck is all better. No more aches and pains. 

In fact, I feel great. As long as I don't look down. Or up. Or left or right.

Since I haven't been blogging much this week I've been filling all the empty hours by doing some very important research. 

In other words, I've been reading books.  Books, books, books. And a few books-on-tape. 

My creative writer teacher always said that if you want to be a GREAT writer, you must write, write, write, but you must also read, read, read.


The public library is my research center.  

It's also my sanctuary, especially since I've also been filling all my empty hours with some very important fretting.  

In other words I've been worrying. Worrying, worrying, worrying, about my little nephew who's been at Primary Children's Hospital for the past nine days and nobody knows why, except that some of his major veins are blocked up with a ginormous blood clot. 

Remember my rockstar brother and his crazy wife who came to Hawaii last year to visit?  It's their boy. 

Ain't it just amazing how protective you can feel of your own boy sometimes?

And your own cousin too. 

If a photo could capture what it's like to fret over your cousin, I imagine this is what it would look like.


So anyways,  I just finished reading, reading, reading the CUTEST book. It took me three weeks because I savored every single page as if it were a medium rare prime rib smothered in au jus and served with garlic mashed potatoes at Haliewa Joes. I hid the book in my purse and nibbled on it bit by bit just like I nibbled on that Creme Brulee from that little Bakery in Seoul, Korea across from that big underground Mall.

If you're ever in Seoul, Korea, make sure you stop at that little bakery across from that big underground mall. BEST CREME BRULEE EVER!

So this book. I don't know why, but my purse felt exceedingly empty after I turned the last page, not unlike that sense you get when your remember that your nephew is trapped in the hospital, or that all your best friends are trapped on an island far far away.

The book had no point or plot. No climax or resolution. No action, adventure, or romance. And no vampires, magic tree houses or demi-gods.

So why do I miss it?

And why do I miss my nephew, and my best friends? None of them had any vampires or magic tree houses or demi-gods either.


That's why.

Because they forced me at gunpoint to care about them, just like Haven Kimmel, bless her heart, forced me at gunpoint to care about Zippy.

I miss Zippy. 

Ooooh, ooooh, oooh, I just noticed the bottom line of the photo. Read by the author. Did you see that?

I must acquire that book-on-tape since I have a strange fascination with finding out what my favorite authors sound like outside of my own head.

Do you guys ever wonder that? Raise your hand if you've ever wondered what Shakespeare's voice sounded like? I'm guessing Mel Gibson. And what about Charles Dickens? Clive Owen, maybe? Or Joseph Fiennes?

Usually I'm kinda disappointed when I match words and voices. Probably in the same way that Twilight fans were disappointed when they saw Rob Pattinson playing Edward Cullen in the movie.

I was a little freaked the first time I heard Tim O' Brien's voice outside my head because he's from Minnesota.

I was A LOT freaked out the first time I heard David Sedaris' voice outside my head (which just so happened to be last week).

He's a cutie patootie, but he sounds just like Truman Capote. 

I had to start over and over and over, but I'm NO voicist so I pushed through and after four or five chances I'm happy to report that listening to him turn a phrase is like chicken soup for the writer's soul. 

Seriously! Mr. Sedaris is my research project. 

If anyone decided to follow me around and make a made-for-tv-movie out of my exciting life pushing brooms and mops and driving kids around, David Sedaris would be my made-for-tv-movie soundtrack.  He's my background noise, and if there is any chance of becoming a brilliant writer through osmosis then all this research is going to pay off, big time.

(I hope all the fretting pays off big time too.)

Not to speak too soon, but I gotta feeling that my boys are going to be brilliant writers too. Don't say anything, but I've been slipping Shakepeare CD's into their stereo at night while they're sleeping.

Hee hee hee

I think it's working because yesterday one of my twins came up for breakfast saying, "Wherefore art my cereal, mother?"



Nutty Hamster Chick said...

No way, how is it possible?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Look I am doing my very special cheering face for you and all of your reading and research. This post made me kind of dizzy for some reason.

And I really don't know how I could be the first commenter. How lucky am I? I feel like a little kid who got to push the elevator button.

Martha said...

Nutty, I think you're first because Crash hasn't posted in so long that everyone is sick of checking to see if she's posted and since she didn't for so long, they have given up.

So is Zippy like me since I was grown up in Indiana? Us Hoosiers are all the same. I'm going to Indy in a few weeks, did I tell you that. The athletics dept. is sending me to a conference for NCAA compliance to make all those BYUH athletes comply or else. Then I will go North to Elkhart to see the folks for a few days. Yep, all by myself and it's going to be great.

No, we still haven't moved. We did hear today that the tenants are started to pack. Maybe we should too.

The Mom said...

I loved that Zippy book! I loved how she wrote just like she was talking--telling a story.
I miss Zippy too.

And no way would Shakespeare sound like Mel Gibson. Never. never never never.
Maybe Sean Connery . . . (I KNOW he's not English, but you gotta love that voice!).

Word verification "typhy" -- is that like a trophy for typing?

IWA (e - va) said...

Good luck to your Nephew, he will be in our prayers... lov the pics!

Martha.. where are you moving too?

Never heard of Zippy.. will make sure i check it out!

Garden of Egan said...

I hope the voices in your head let you sleep at night, cuz they're wakin' me up!

Why would you want your boyz to eat Shakespere cereal? It will make them hyper and I don't think they need it in their home. Let them be normal...hangin' on the street corners sellin' oranges in the winter.

Hugs for your nephew and prayers too.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Nutty, imagine being me. I make myself dizzy a lot. It's a gift. Congrats on being first! Martha is right! :)

YAY, Martha, getting to sneak off to Indiana all by yourself. How much funnnnn! Cool beans. Brandon Akana called last week and it was so fun to talk to him. MISS YOU GUYS!

Garden, you silly goose, I don't want my kids to eat Shakespeare cereal, I just don't want them to be sellin' oranges for the rest of their lives. ;)

Thanks for all the hugs and prayers.

Iwa, Martha is moving to the park. Are you moving soon? Are you graduating any day now?

The Mom, ha ha ha I LUB YOU! MISS YOU TOO. I saw Darcy in Peter Pani Popo. Her hair is hecka long, man. Muy bonita. Martha, I think I saw nana too.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm fretting now, I hope your nephew is okay and that all returns back to normal and hum drum!

I can't believe your stalker at Maceys didn't ask for your autograph and picture... your fans aren't very cool.


Love ya girl and so good to see you and your hubs for lunch last week!

I still have spring fever so I need to get back to bed.

Becca said...

Oooh. I (heart) Zippy. Made me want to move back to Indiana and be her neighbor. Favorite random bit? "Hi, Gene!"

April said...

hahaha! I am reading this without my glasses and read that Zippy was a Mooreland Indian and I thought to myself. WOW! She doesn't look Indian and I've never heard of the Mooreland Indians before. Then I started reading all the comments and realized I left an "a" off of Indian. That makes a BIG difference. So, now my question is, will the book be as interesting as when I thought she grew up as an Indian?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee Yes, April, it would. She's just interesting that way.

Becca, my favorite line: Her voice could sharpen pencils.

Oh, I lub that line!

Shelle, AMEN! he he

Garden of Egan said...

Crash, jest a question.....what do ya mean I have no profile?
Am I having a blogging glitch?
I'm pretty "not smart" when it comes to that.

Oh. My. Heck!
Verification word:
I wonder...............

Martha said...

So I'm wondering if Becca is from Indiana, is she? Where?

DeNae said...

First, we're going to want to hear how your little nephew is doing, so don't forget your concerned friends out here in blogland.

Second, the best writing I've ever done was after I finished reading "Me Talk Pretty One Day". I love Sedaris's rhythm and pacing and irony. He's so fabulous, Motherboard and I both think of him as our gay boyfriend.

And yes, his speaking voice makes you want to jam ice-picks into your ears. Sorry David. You know I love you, baby. Just keep it down, will ya?

Do you ever worry about becoming a parrot? I'm almost disconcertingly good at imitating the voices of other writers (maybe it's a musician thing?) and I sometimes worry that I'm not really cultivating my own voice. I guess we'll explore that in a couple of weeks, huh??


The Crash Test Dummy said...

DeNae, I'm listening to Me Talk Pretty One Day right now. ha ha Can you and Motherboard share your gay boyfriend with me?

YES, I do worry about becoming a parrot. YES! It's a fine line. And sometimes reading a lot messes me up, BIG TIME! You lose yourself a bit while you're finding yourself.

Can't wait to see you next weekend!!!


(I out-wooted you, HA!)

katie t said...

his voice would FOR SURE be clive owens!!! seriously can you say HOTTIE!!! lol

and again. you did awesome yesterday and i was soaking it all in! i wish that we'd had another hour for you to even go deepeer....

AWESOME and my prayers are with your nephew


T said...

WV says kingsrap... I wonder, when they rap, do they sound like Truman Capote???

keeping good thoughts in mind for your nephew!!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Katie, yes, Clive Owen! Why didn't I think of that? Thank you for all of your kinds words of support. You have no idea how much it helps. Seriously.

T, ha ha I'm getting an image of Shakespeare rapping and sounding like Truman Capote. Not goooood. ;)

Thanks for the good wishes for my nephew. He has all the specialists stumped.

Oh my goodness, my verifier says "after."

Is anyone else hearing the Twilight Zone theme?

After what?

Melanie J said...

I was just going to tell you that DeNae is fake dating David Sedaris but she outed herself so I don't have to.

So excited to see you next week!