Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Car Five and The Magic School Bus

Can I just say that the cops in Utah are anal retentively challenged!

SERIOUSLY! My hub got pulled over a few days ago on BYU Campus for going 27 mph in a 20 mph zone.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Isn't it against the law to have a 20 mph speed limit? I'm pretty sure I learned that in traffic school.

Okay, so besides that, there are some amazing things happening to my family here in Utah.

My 13 yr. old son is almost as tall as my 15 yr. old daughter!

And he can now palm a ball!

And he can now pick out his own apparel!

Also, my daughter has her Learners Permit, which she got before she even learnered how to drive.

This week she has to drive on "the range," as they call it, every day after school for two hours.

Hee hee hee

How can I get me one of those range dude jobs because I can't think of anything more gratifying than sitting up in a tower and yelling over the loud speaker at kids who are learnering how to drive.

Did I already say hee hee hee?

Oh my goodness! My daughter was in such a bad mood when she came home yesterday and for some reason that really tickled my funny bone. I actually laughed longer and harder than I did on Sunday when I looked down in Sacrament meeting and saw that one of my twins was wearing a mismatched pair of my daughter's scalloped-edged socks.

Imagine my daughter sitting in car five and suddenly realizing that she doesn't know how to start it (snicker snicker). And neither does her partner.

Imagine the range dude guy coming over the loud speaker, "Car five, please turn the ignition on and start the car." Then imagine my daughter turning the car to the "on" position, but not the "start" position and thinking it's all good, but it's not all good because the car won't move. And finally, imagine the range dude's chagrin over the loud speaker before he has to come down from his tower and help my daughter start her car.

hee hee hee

I'm sure it was much like a John Hughes film, maybe Ferris Bueller's Day Off, as the range dude continued to call out over the loud speaker "Car five, what are you doing? Car five, you've got two brains in that car, one of you should be able to figure it out. Car Five you are three drills behind. Pick up the pace, car five. That's not how you parallel Park, car five. You're supposed to reverse into it not drive into it. It's not that hard, you pull up, you left signal, you check your blind spot, you reverse . . ."

hee hee hee

Poor thing, you can't drive in Hawaii until you're 18.

For the record, I sat in the car with her today as she drove her friend home and she did a grrrrrrreat job (after she realized the reason the car wouldn't start was because she has inserted the wrong key and the reason the car wouldn't reverse was because she had her foot on the brake).

Okay, now for the most amazing thing in the history of the world. But first I want to show you a photo.

This is my daughter's English teacher. His name is Mr. Wienershnitzel, I think, and this photo can be found on his class website with a caption above it that says, "Welcome to Mr. Wienershnitzel's class, Enjoy the ride!"

Or something like that.

When we do our Blog Across America, should we ask Mr. W to be the bus driver? All in favor say 'ay'.

Not only is Mr. W on the cutting edge of magic school bus technology, he's also on the cutting edge of essay grading technology. If only I had known about this technology back in the day when I had English teacher eyeballs.

Are you sitting down?


WAIT! Before you check it out, let me offer some background.

Mr. W. gave an essay assignment to take something universally accepted as VERY POSITIVE and make a strong argument for the negative. My daughter chose living in Hawaii, even though she recently wrote a poem about how much she misses roaches, geckos, ants and head lice (Poor thing, she has had a bug-free winter). She chose Hawaii because every single day she gets asked the same question:

Are you freakin' crazy? WHY would you leave Hawaii?

Okay, now go check out the link. It's Mr. W's space age feedback to her essay.

Whodathought you could give feedback without a red pencil?


Nutty Hamster Chick said...

No freakin way

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

No freakin way

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Whoops I didn't realize it posted. I am rather impressed with myself. Pretty sad life when this is the high light of my day.

Love all hee hee heeeing going on in this post. It made me hee heee also.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

OK I tried to click on the link and it told me I needed some password. Probably to keep crazy moms from posting their daughter's private info on their blog.

So do tell what did he say. hmm hmmm

lori said...

ay, he seems like the kind of driver we need. And same as the NHC, no password, no access

Martha said...

Wow, Z is getting tall. Does this means he's starting to like girls now since he has that shirt?

That's funny that they just send those driver's ed kids out without showing them anything. Did they at least have to take a written test first? They do here.

Just to verify, you can get your license at 16 in Hawaii, if you take driver's ed first. Adam had his at 16. Josh can't seem to complete driver's ed because it doesn't work around his sport schedule. Hopefully, he'll do the driving part soon.

Yeah, we couldn't open the link. You'll have to cut and paste it or something.

Adam came home sad yesterday because the girl went home for the summer. We expect to see more of him now. We've only seen the back of his head as he walks out the door for the last few months. I asked him if he really likes her and he admitted that he did. Poor little pumpkin.

Oh, I checked and that Kathryn is seeded #6 in OIA's. She's pretty decent. It starts Friday. Yesterday I was practicing with Josh and he served so hard it sprained my wrist. Dang kid. He's always hurting me.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Dangit! The link worked on my computer but probably because my daughter was signed in already. ha ha ha Pat, you're right, probably password protected so some crazy mom doesn't post her daughter's private feedback for all the world to see. hee hee

Okay, so I'll tell you about it. It is amazing. It's like a movie of her paper and the teacher is talking about the paper in the background and drawing on the paper as he speaks. He even drew a little palm tree.

Do you know how much time it would save to be able to articulate a paper's strengths and weaknesses that way rather than via the red pen? He has a nice book-on-tape kinda voice too. Can't wait till he drives us across America in his magic school bus. ;)

Martha, I can't believe Josh sprained your wrist. ha ha ha Not laughing at you, of course, just with you. ha ha ha Now you know how it feel to receive bodily harm in a tennis match. ha ha

Colleen says they just passed a law that you can't get your Learners until you're 18 in Hawaii. It does seem far fetched though. I think Z is definitely liking girls now, though he still plays it cool as if he doesn't.

Sigh. I hate this part. Maybe he'll be like Adam and wait until he's in college before he dates.

Lori, YAY, one AY! ;)

IWA (e - va) said...

Dont you guys know that theres a law in Laie that allows you to get a drivers license at the Swap meet which allows 5 years olds to drive home from church, 3 year olds to ride mini motorcycles by them selves on the open road, and any 12 year old to take the car as they please when their parents are not home! (I started driving a PCC cart when i was 12 and got my drivers permit at 14.. but that was a long long time ago!)

NHC is so right! LOL!

So when you cant get your daughter to do what you need her to , just pull out your bull horn and start saying "CAR FIVE....."... hehehe!

T said...

Ay - (that's my vote, not my pirate accent) he can drive the bus (heaven knows the rest of us will be too busy searching for the internet hotspots and singing girls camp songs!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha Iwa, I thought there was probably a way around that driving law, which explains why I've seen a few kindergartners driving around Laie. ;)

Ha ha ha ha T, that's right, baby. Wouldn't that be some serious fun! OMGOSH, I would love it! A blogging trip across America in a magic school bus with a bunch of Thelma and Louises. Handing out Magic Quilts along the way. Dolly has a magic RV. Maybe that would do. I'm going to work towards it.

Mark my words, we will be on Good Morning America one day.

Sandi said...

Have you done a background check on this guy? He can't be our bus driver unless you do. I know he's a teacher and all but still--we can't just let ANYBODY on that magic bus with us!
And I hope that we can be on the Today show instead cause I have a little crush on Matt.

Homer and Queen said...

I'm with T. but with the pirate accent, and I can NOT stop laughing over starting the car!! Was McFly in there with her? HAHAHA

Barbaloot said...

I can't see the link-bummer. And I bet your 13 year old son is now lots taller than me---even with my magic red heels:)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yes, I have a crush on Matt too, so let's shoot for the Today show. And no background check necessary. We can trust anyone with the name Wienershnitzel. Besides, he gave my daughter full credit on her essay.

Queen, ha ha ha I just got a McFly McImage. hee hee hee ha ha ha

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Barb. If he's taller than me, he's taller than you. But he doesn't look half as magical in red heels as you do.

Garden of Egan said...

Crash, what I wanna do you feel about sleeping with a criminal?
27 in a 20 zone?
I'll pray for you.

Sandi said...

Ya....27 in a 20 is crrrraaazzzy. your hub is taking a walk on the wild side! Um....your daughter seriously didn't know how to turn the car on? Are you sure she's as smart as you think? haha

DeNae said...

It sounds like Laie and Puerto Rico have the same strict driving standards. "Question 1: Are you carbon-based? Question 2: Are you breathing? Hey, Mac, hand this infant a license!!"

And, oh, how I envy you those driving ranges. Here in Las Vegas you can get a drivers license at 18 without having to take a class or anything! Just "pass the test". And Vegas is growing so fast that kids practicing driving on the streets are doing it surrounded by a million other "licensed" drivers, each doing warp 8, texting, talking on their cell phones, and in some cases, playing poker.

And 27 in a 20 zone? Honestly, isn't 20 another word for "parked"??

Youngblood4ever said...

I totally vote yes for Mr. W. He looks like a cool kinda guy. And I totally dig books on tape, so if he talks like that I am all in!!!!!!!!!!

Saw you driving the other day. Didn't honk cuz I thought I might scare you and didn't want you to blog about the crazy drivers here in Utah that honk when you are doing nothing wrong.

By the way, I have totally blogged about the retarded police here. I hear ya!

Amber said...

OK. You are hilarious! That whole driving range story really made me snicker. Hee hee!!

Mags said...

I have to stay away from your blog Debbie or I sit and laugh and everyone wonders why and then we all get sucked into it and it takes forever to get anything done! You're awesome my friend.

robin said...

LOVE the t-shirt! It totally made me laugh and it's only 8:34 a.m. That's unheard of! I usually don't crack a smile until after 9:30 a.m.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey, I thought I already replied to you people. I HATE it when that happens.

Robin, I'm so glad someone notice that heelarious t-shirt. Isn't it so funny?

Mags, ALOHA! How fun to see you here again trying to stay away from me. Sorry I get in your way and hold you back from accomplishing anything. ;) Hey, you were right, I do miss Hawaii more in the spring than I did in the winter. GO FIGURE!!!

Ah, shucks, Amber. Mahalo!

Youngblood, NO WAY! How weird that you saw me driving. Was I smiling or frowning? Inquiring minds want to know. I hope I wasn't picking my nose or screaming at my kids. Please honk next time so I can put my game face on.

Garden, Sandi, DeNae, YES, I married a bad boy. I've always been attracted to them. If he were a vampire he'd be practically perfect. ;) And Sandi, true story about my daughter's car starting abilities.

Dolly said...

I'm getting the RV ready for this summer! Whoever wants to come, sign up here.

Last summer, I got a wireless aircard so I could blog across America and back. Problem was that in between cities in America, the signal was crap.

The good thing is that RV parks all have free wifi. When I'm not hooking up to the sewer and buying a funky magnet from the gift shop for my collection in the RV... I only had enough time left to read and not write.

So next trip is for bloggers only and no kids allowed. They seem to think national parks and historical sites are purely food stops.

If I didn't have photographic evidence that they have seen their homeland, then you wouldn't know it by a conversation with them. When they weren't watching a movie, playing skipbo or knitting a hat, they just slept and asked that four word sentence that we all love to hate....

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly, I am stinkin' serious. Summer 2011 baby! Or 2012 That would be so AMAZING!!

Got your Facebook message. I am so feeling for you. I soooooo GET IT! The turmoil. I am also soooo excited for you to get here. We will have to scheme to keep our lives exciting. Either that or live in the past over yoga and avocados.

Martha said...

I want to come too, but not this summer the next one. I want to go to Zions and Bryce because I never have. Perry's from Utah and he's seen it all so he doesn't care that I haven't.