Thursday, April 8, 2010

Have a Coke and a Smile

I haven't been around for a few days because I've had a nasty case of Spring Break fever and I didn't want to put you all at risk while I was still contagious.

Spring Break fever is when you go from pre-vacation stress to vacation euphoria to post-vacation depression within four days. It's a classic case of WHAM, BAM, MAHALO MA'AM!!!!!!!!

Ain't no antibiotic for that, you just have to push through it.

To make matters worse I've become one of those stiff-necked people.

Not to sound like the diary of a wimpy kid, but my neck is SOOO DANG STIFF!

Almost as stiff as that church lady who purses her lips together every time I dismiss country music as a conduit for revelation!

Do you know how hard it is to blog when you're neck feels like the church lady? At this very moment I'm using one hand to type, while using the other hand to roll the Body Secret ball I purchased at Big Five for $15.99 across my achey breaky neck.

I've also been heating my magic bean bag scarf up in the microwave and double wrapping it around my church lady neck. This strategy has helped to burn a few calories near my throat, but I'm still unable to play head banger rock band with my boys.

Yes, I switched pillows. And yes, I'm doing yoga stretches. I roll my head slowly down and around and back and forth and around and around several times a day in an attempt to loosen up, but this only results in me breaking into a cold/hot sweat. The kind that makes my MIL lean in and touch my knee with a bunch of adverbs, like knowingly and curiously and sympathetically, and say, "are you taking a hot flash, honey? Bless your heart, have you reached . . . that time of life?"

Oh Gad!

Oh honest to Pete!

"NOOOOO, I haven't reached that time of life!" I tell her. "My neck is just having a little mid-life crisis is all. It has, as of late, grown a bit . . . kinky. And knotty."

In other words, my neck is under the influence of Hip Hop music--(or the-devil-made-me-do-it music, as the church lady would say.)

(I think I may have popped too much Ibuprofen because no one is gonna get that joke unless they spend a lot of time in the car driving their 13-year old son around.)

Anyways, just wanted to let you know that even though I haven't been writing them down, I've been thinking some stinkin' heeheelarious thoughts about Spring Break Fever and what it's like to travel by car (up hill, both ways, in the snow) with a man who only listens to rock operas or to songs that whistle like, The Entertainer or Zippity Do Da.

(For the recore, it's freakishly amazing how many rock operas that man can whistle to.)

So go ahead, have a Coke and and smile on me, because, trust me, you would be deep belly laughing right now if I had written down some of the thoughts in my head. Thoughts born from hearing my 13-year-old say things like, all rightie then or what have you been smokin? every time I said something smart.

Not to mention the thoughts I had after listening to my daughter recite pick up lines all the way to St. George from one of her free iPod apps.

Her personal favorite, drumroll, please . . . Hey, did you f@rt? Because you just blew me away?

And my personal favorite . . . If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Be back soon.


val of the south said...

So sorry about the stiff neckedness!! Or stiff nakedness - (which would be a lot more fun!)

val of the south said...

I'm already having the Coke this morning, but thanks for the smile!

cfoxes said...

I have a 15 1/2 & 13 yo. The-devil-made-me-do-it music is all over my Edge!

Martha said...

I'm sorta glad we don't take family trips.

I guess we should've gotten you one of the neck massager machines at Walmart when we got Rachel's for 75% off.

My wonderful intermediate tennis class is over. I gave them the final yesterday. It was so fun because they were all good players already. I'm not teaching for spring so I guess I can focus on other things, like moving.

The tenants are still not out, which is fine. Gives me more time to get ready. We won't close until they have moved. Should be next month.

I'm coaching volleyball. Rach, Jim and Nan are all on the same team. Nan is in a basketball league that plays in Hawaii Kai. She's doing great because it's just girls.

The big news is that Josh is seeded #3 in OIA's!!! It's next weekend at our courts. His draw is great because in the quarters he'll meet the #8 seed, so for sure he should make it to the semis, which means he should go to state at the Big Island. The other seeds are all seniors, so next year watch out!!!

That Kathryn girl is pretty good. Not sure what she is seeded. I'll find out. Still wish T were here playing, dang it.

T said...

HA! I'm just imagining all the Google Hits you're going to get after saying you were feeling kinky and naughty... ermmm, Knotty...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee hee T and Val.

T, are you still in Salt Lake? Probably on your way back. Please give Tauna my lub at lunch tomorrow.

Martha, I can't believe how fast you are moving on your house. I got a hand written letter from Elaine yesterday. How sweet is that? She said they will probably close on their townhouse next week. WOW! Did you have that option? Good luck. And YAY for Josh. That is awesome. I'll keep my fingers crossed. T still misses Tennis out there a lot. Especially right now for some reason.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I must still be subconciously dissapointed I had to miss the fun at lunch, because today during my mid day nap, I dreamed that I was with Shelle. I was totally bizarre because we had to load a large chair and ottoman into my van and take it somewhere. But that has nothing to do with what I am trying to tell you. Finally things in my dream calmed down and so I said to Shelle, "Tell me all the juicy details from lunch with Crash, April, and T." And gosh darn it if I didn't wake up right then. How rude. I wonder what kind of details my subconcious would have come up with? Hmmm I suppose I will never know. Don't you hate it when that happens? Me too. So please do tell, about the juicy details so I can sleep more peacefully, K?

Just SO said...

I hate it when my neck does that. I hope yours starts feeling better soon.

BTW did you happen to buy that Coke at Macey's in Pleasant Grove sometime last week? Because I thought I saw someone who looks like the pictures I've seen of you (Since I've been gypped out of meeting you in real life) there buying 12 packs of Coke and Diet Coke. I was too afraid to go up and ask if it was you.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH, SO, Yes, I was at the Macey's in PG buying 12 packs of Diet Coke to enhance my hub's smile. I am SOOO MAD AT YOU THAT YOU DIDN'T come up and introduce yourself.

How crazy!!! I shop there all the time. Maybe we'll run into each other again.

Nutty, no worries. You didn't miss anything. It was super boring because my hub came and April's hub came. A real snooze fest. Fo' reals. I'm so glad you didn't drive all the way from Vegas to catch some Zzzzzs with us. I didn't even bring any of my beauty accessories to St. George with me, besides lipstick and mascara, so I was just pale faced and frizzy haired. I honestly had to wear lip stick on my cheeks so no one would mistake me for a Cullen. We didn't talk about anything exciting either. The most entertaining portion of the lunch was when Shelle gave her report on her hiking/camping adventure at Havasupai. Then we ate a bread stick. Then we at some Zupa Tuscana. Then April told us about her son's dating rules. Then we ate a bite of Salad. Then Tonya said she was going to listen to the Hobbit on her drive to Salt Lake for the Volunteerism conference. That's when my hub finally spoke out.

"DON'T DO IT!" he cried in capital letters. "We listened to The Hobbit all the way from American Fork to Nephi and it was the longest hour of my life."

He's more of a Rock Opera kinda driver.

But seriously, Pat, you didn't miss a thing. Am I right girls? Or am I right?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, and Pat, we didn't bring an iron either so my hub's t-shirt looked like it had aged 10 years over night.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Pat, I hate lying to you. It was no snooze fest, but we missed you very much. The pale faced, frizzy part was all true, but April's hub is way cool, as is my hub. Even if he has an aversion to books-on-tape.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am sure I will get to join you again some time so no worries. April's husband is very nice and fun to talk with. He loves BYU football almost as much as me.

SWIRL said...

Hey - Crash- hope you start feelin better soon... sounds like you need a little hawaiian vacay..nay?

hey- did you get the Peter Pani Popo DVD... I hope you are proud and that we did your play justice.

We LOVE our DVD and it is adorable to watch Heath-- who sings along to all the songs... he sings, "I wont grow up" and then takes his shirt off in time to do the Haka... then grabs his shirt /puts it on backwards and inside out... but in time to be a pirate..

I am sure- you haven't watching it 3x a day... but the time you did watch it - I hope you smiled.

We miss you!
I am thinking our next modified play should be about Narnia... (you know how the kids love those stories/movies and there is like 7 books... ) We'll see. any who-- just missing you.

Sandi said...

So let me get this straight. I still have met absolutely NOBODY from blog land, and here you girls are meeting blog land hubs!! I'm a little jealous.
LOL and LOL'ing some more at "are you taking a hot flash honey?" haha for some reason that just cracks me up. Hope your neck is feeling better!

Garden of Egan said...

Oh. My. Heck!!!!
I love that song. I dedicate it to you Crash! If I were a makes me cry everytime I hear it.

Lunch was fabulous today BTW. It was so fun to meet some totally awesome St. Georgians. We talked about you....was your nose itching?

April said...

I am still laughing about the fart pick up line....I'm afraid my son might use that one, and it would be ok with me until after his mission. hahahaha!

And Pat, the lunch was just no fun without you there. How could it be? It was so boring we didn't even take any pics. T could hardly reach her food, she had to stand all during lunch and we thought that Shelle would be throwing water bottles at us at any minute. I was waiting for a book on tape to start over the loud speaker at any second to lull us to sleep. :)

Lunch on Friday was weird. Shelle didn't want anything to eat, something about her eyebrows not being hungry. T brought some firecrackers with her. Garden of Egan wore her swim suit cause she said it was so warm! hehehe! But Garden took a pic...I think she got dressed by then. :)

Sandi, you did miss out! We even talked about you!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey girlz!

Swirl!!! YES! OMGOSH! I can't tell you how impressed I was with that Peter Pani Popo. WOW! I have forgotten how exceptional those Hawaii productions are. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS put that together in 10 days. Un. be. liev. able. Wyatt and Garrett were a little critical of Tinkerbell since she now lives in our old house, but I thought she was great. It was so funny. And the songs were so good and WELL SUNG. Is sung a word? It doesn't sound like it right now. The costumes and the set were so cute too. I lubbed the rainbow. I lubbed the wave in front. How did you get so much support so quickly? I forget how talented everyone is around there.

Anyway, THANK you for sending it to me and for making me feel included. I would lub to work on Narnia with you.

I miss you. I miss you all. That made me homesick. I miss everyone's sense of humor most of all. People take themselves so seriously 'round these parts.

April, I must find that photo. I can't believe I missed shelle's anorexic eyebrows and Garden in her swimsuit and T with firecrackers. What the what?

Sandi, we did talk about you FONDLY! I felt so close to you with Drew there. Btw, he is way cool, April. Pat, you are right on.

Garden, no my nose wasn't itching, but my ears were burning. Do tell what was said. Let me guess. The girls noticed I was wearing lipstick on my cheeks.

Sandi, I'm glad you appreciated that hot flash joke. I wish you could hear my MIL say it. It's priceless.

Sandi said...

Wow. You talked about moi? If Drew was there then I kind of feel confident that it might have been nice, kind words. The rest of you lot---I'm not so sure! Some day my friends, I will be dining with you and then we can talk about someone else!

Mariko said...

I thought of a good comment but then someone walked by my window and made my entire living room smell like potpurri perfume.
See, now I bet you're not homesick at all. In Utah I bet you never think: "Who is that random person walking around my house?"