Friday, April 23, 2010

Who Says Wisdom Can't be Glamorous?

OMGOSH! My day was SO. MUCH. FUN.  
The LDS Storymakers Conference is da bombdiggity, with a capital DIGGITY! 

It was laugh-out-loud funny at times, and tear-jerking inspirational at other times. And no one laughed OR cried louder than moi. I definitely got my money's worth. Ask DeNae or Melanie J.

Are we the Charlie's Angels of writer's or what?  (I dibs Kelly).

This is DeNae. Melanie J. introduced us in blogland because she thought we would hit it off and she was oh sooooo right.  

For your viewing pleasure I will now reveal raw, uncut, candid photographic evidence of our true personalities when we didn't know the camera was looking. 

Did I not predict Melanie J. would be America's Next Top Model? And did I not say that DeNae was a sassy pants? She's slightly wack-a-doodle doo too?  And how many times have I said that I am not afeared to poke your eyes out? As you can see, the proof is in the pudding. 

Besides my strange friends, I also met some strange strangers today. Some strangers were stranger than other strangers, but some were pretty cool. I lucked out and sat by the pretty cool strangers at lunch and dinner. To my left were two chicas from Arizona, both BYU-Hawaii alumni--one majored in English and, get this, we had the same teachers!  You should have heard us gossiping like school girls all the way through the entertainment. 

To my right were two chicas from Virginia, one of which went to college with Melanie J., and one of which told me her mom was raised in Laie and graduated from Kahuku High School. She told me her mom has a license plate that says Red Raiders For Life.

I didn't want to break it to her that what they didn't say on the license plate was "Red Raiders For Life, unless you move away within the first week of school and want to say goodbye to all your childhood friends cuz we don't give visitor passes during the first week of school, however we do give them during the second week of school, unless you've attended Kahuku High School before, in which case we don't give visitor passes at all. In in other words, you're not welcome here anymore. Ever again. Don't let the door smack your okole on your way out. Mahalo!" 

That's what our t-shirt says, anyway.

Good thing I don't hold grudges.

During lunch, and for most of the workshops, I sat by this girl.

I'm holding up her name badge because she has the coolest name ever. 

Sadie Starling--how famous is she going to be with that name? 

Sadie Starling--coming soon to a bookstore near you!  

With a name like that, who cares about the quality of your writing or the substance of your plot? It's like trying to turn a man's head when you're super model gorgeous. Easy Peasy. 

Me? I'll have to work twice as hard as Sadie Starling to get published, just as I have to work twice as hard to turn a man's head.

Btw, do you guys know my real name?  The name on my birth certificate?  It starts with a De and ends with a bra.  

My twins think if I ever get rich and famous I should use the pseudonym "De Bra" but I'm leaning more towards "De Brah" or "De Braddah." 

What do you guys think? 

Oh, dangit, I digress, and I still have so much to say, but you're probably getting bored by now, huh? Don't let me forget to tell you later how I ran into my dept. student secretary from BYU-H at the conference. She was wearing the most dazzling eyeliner from Victoria's secret.  It was so sparkly that I couldn't stop looking deep into her eyes. And getting sleepy.  Melanie J. says I get distracted by shiny things. Maybe because she saw me get hypnotized by a ring that Kazzy was wearing. Truly, it was the most bee-U-tiful ring in all the land. Kazzy, please post a photo of it so my readers can get hypnotized too. 

I did wear a sparkly necklace to the conference today, but only because I think necklaces can make important statements.  The statement I made today was, "Whoo says wisdom can't be glamorous?" 

I think I might wear my Peace necklace tomorrow, although people might misunderstand me and think I'm endorsing it. Hopefully they will be able to figure out that I just look really good in peace. 

And anyway, who says peace can't be glamorous?

P.S. I didn't meet Annette Lyon today, but I promise to get photographic evidence tomorrow.  

P.S.S.  Guess what Melanie J. eats? Chocolate covered cinnamon bears and multi-flavored Swedish fish. 

P.S.S.S.  Remind me to tell about my stone cold heart and how I know it's like the Wicked Witch of the West. It's melting. 


IWA (e - va) said...

Oh you (english major) writer people are so funny! No but really your conference sounds fun! especially with all the bloggy peeps there! (im sure its how i get when i go to like a math bowl or something)LOL!

So this past month Kahuku was asking students to submit designs for new t shirts and Oh how i wanted to send your's in... Red raider fo' life..... Until you up and leave us and take all the stars with you!

So i heard a rumor that Kameron may be also leaving Kahuku..

So did you meet your new agent?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YES I DID, IWA! YES, I DID! She was the first person I saw when I walked in. She was all alone on a couch and I immediately went up and introduced myself. It was amazing, and she like my wise, ole' glamorous owl.

And yes, I've heard that rumor too.

I can't imagine a bunch of math junkie getting all giddy. It just seems strange.

Kazzy said...

Oh, so jealous! You guys look like you are having fun and getting inspired at the same time. What could be better??

Ring photo and post tonight! Thanks!

Dolly said...

So jealous that you are living it up and have a sparkly owl necklace.

I have so many sparkly stories and photos I wish I could post about from Riyadh and now I am back in Hawaii going through a dang stack of mail. Ugh.

Someday. For now I will live vicariously through you.

Do you know Erin Summerill that used to live in Laie and taught English at Kahuku one year and now lives in American Fork? She is at the same conference this weekend. She's the one wearing very cool mustard color wedges. She's Rachel Bennett's sister. She's a super cute woman and a total ball of fire. If you are sweating at all when you run into her, your body will literally sizzle.

Can't wait to see you again soon. Three more weeks and I'll be there to buy a house.

DeNae said...

Holy frick and frack, Mister
Bigglesworth! How many chins does one ME need? Just when you think you're rocking your skinny jeans someone posts a picture of you and you look like one of those toads that inflates their throats reeeeally big in order to attract a mate.

And yes, Sadie Starling is a totally perfect name for a Romance writer (didn't she say she writes Romances? I was too busy attracting a mate with my ginormous chin/neck). She was so quiet; she must pour all her passion into her books!

(And I'm commenting on your blog again in the middle of the conference. In fact you just sat down next to me and started eating my cookies!)

Sandi said...

looks like you are having wayyyyy too much fun, if there is such a thing, which I do not, in fact, believe there is! you can just feel your excitement in your post--yay for you and for DeNae for letting you eat her cookies and for sparkly eyeliner and rings and chocolate cinnamon bears! Yep, you look very capable of poking an eye or two out. If I met you in a dark alley I would definitely get my okole out of there!!

April said...

I am so jealous! I can't even speak in a pinch let alone write in one! Sheeesh! I heard a rumor that you met a real cutie! One who goes by Kazzy in blogland, but I know her by a different name in real life. She is so darling and fun and adorable! I think I'm going to make my own chocolate cinnamon bears....drown those suckers one by one.

T said...

I want some Swedish Fish!!! okay, and I want to write...

Braden said...

I am so happy that you all are having a good time. I'm not jealous at all. I WANTED to stay in TN and be a judge for Field Day games. I really did. So while being with fun, exciting, like-minded writers in cool bling is nd learning more about your craft in a fun, informative setting, that's all well and good if that's your thing, the rest of u.............
(Braden's wife: Braden is sobbing now. I think I'll just post it before he says anything else or water damages our keyboard)

Braden said...

I am so happy that you all are having a good time. I'm not jealous at all. I WANTED to stay in TN and be a judge for Field Day games. I really did. So while being with fun, exciting, like-minded writers in cool bling is nd learning more about your craft in a fun, informative setting, that's all well and good if that's your thing, the rest of u.............
(Braden's wife: Braden is sobbing now. I think I'll just post it before he says anything else or water damages our keyboard)

Anonymous said...


RafaelLetso21555 said...


Melanie J said...

Wow, Crash. You even get the coolest spammers.

So I told DeNae that anyone who knows our three blogs could only look at the picture of us occupying the same physical point in the space-time continuum and think, "Nothing good can come of this."

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Melanie J. On all counts. Nothing good could especially come from that super model/super wacky/super stink-eye picture. We did make quite a trio. FUN to meet you and HOLD your baby. I need me a baby!!!!

About my cool spammers, DeNae can you help me translate? For some reason it feels pressing and important.

BTW, Did anyone else spit the contents of their mouth out when they read DeNae's Holy Frick and Frack comment? lololololololol

aw shucks Braden Bell . . . could someone hand me a tissue. My next post will be dedicated to you . . . if you'll just stop crying. Crying makes me itchy.

Hi April and T, I can't believe I met Kazzy, she is way cool. LUB her. Cheers to chocolate covered cinnamon bears and Swedish fish.

Sandi, hahahahaha about the dark ally. Now you know why my kids are so well behaved. ;)

Dolly, YES, I met Erin! We're fighting over the same agent. I was waiting in line to speak to this particular agent after her workshop. Erin came up and we were like "HEY, do I know you?" and then we were like "NO WAY!" and she was like "Were you my teacher?" And I was like "Wouldn't you remember that if I were? I mean you don't forget Crash Test Dummy teacher's do you?"

And then she cut in front of me and starting pitching her idea to the agent. hee hee hee

But it's all good. I am willing to sacrifice for my former student's, who probably weren't my former students, success. Plus her mustard wedges were way hipper than my hemp wedges. Although my Peace necklace was hipper than her Peace necklace.

I love Rachel Bennett. I had no idea they were, but come to think of it, I've seen Erin's photo blog. She's way good.