Thursday, April 1, 2010


Happy April Fools Day everyone!

I'm not very good with jokes, but this year I really wanted to come up with some outlandish story to fake you guys out--something completely unbelievable, maybe involving the loss of blood and guts, like sewing the Big Dipper into my thumb with a '67 Bernina while making trek paraphernalia.

But then last night I was at the church sewing trek paraphernalia on a '67 Bernina and I literally sewed the Big Dipper into my thumb.

Weird, huh?

Then I was going to open my post by declaring something absurd like "It's April and it's all a blizzard outside!" Then I would pause for dramatic effect before shouting "APRIL FOOLS! ba dum bum"

But when I woke up this morning it really was all a blizzard outside.

Then I was going to come up with some ridiculous story about how I looked out my window and what did I see? Two ducks waddling through the snow towards me.

But then I looked out my window and . . . well, you do the math.

I guess I'll just tell true stories this year.

Last week I bought my daughter this necklace at my Laurel Adviser's jewelry party because I thought it looked young. And fresh. And hip.

But here I am wearing it, because my daughter thought it was the ugliest necklace she ever did lay eyes on.

"It looks like an old lady," she said. "Or a little girl."

Anyways, I had to get my money's worth out of it so I wore it to the library and the cute little librarian lady said, "what a CUTE necklace."

I told my daughter this in my best nani nani voice and guess what she said?

"Was she old?"

I don't want to give the wrong impression of my daughter because she really is practically perfect. She makes her bed every morning and writes in her journal every night. She draws parallels between the laws of God and the laws of physics that will have you patting your head and rubbing your belly at the same time. She speaks her mind about politics and religion with equal parts tenacity and absurdity, and she can laugh like a drunken seal. The only thing she doesn't do well, that I can think of off the top of my head, is attend firesides with a positive attitude.

All that being said, she's a brat. Especially when it comes to green jewelry. Or when I pop a book-on-tape into the car CD player, a habit I have recently acquired because I'm bored. And I'm busy. And that's a deadly combination.

My daughter thinks I'm into books-on-tape because I'm old, but I think being old is just a phase because really there's something about books-on-tape that creeps me out.

And yet I can't deny the appeal of freeing up my eyeballs and my fingers to drive my kids around and scrub my toilets and exercise my booty while still culturizing my brain.

I'm just a two-birds-one-stone kinda gal.

But then I'm also a sew-the-Big-Dipper-into-your-thumb kinda gal, so . . .

Hmmm . . .

P.S. April Fools! My daughter's not really a brat.



Homer and Queen said...

My hobby is big on the book on tape thing. Listened to the whole Twilght Series driving to the games. You are old...

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I was not fooled even for a minute. Sorry to be a spoil sport. No way about the snow. That clinches it, I am not coming to Utah for the end of my spring break. I don't do snow, if I can help it. And what is it about life being stranger than fiction. So strange.

word verifier say defun. so wise that wv of yours. like a jeanie in a bottle.

Garden of Egan said...

Sorry about your snow. That is really a horrible April Fool's joke.
I am going to St George and I'm telling better be warm or I'm gonna scream at someone.

I'm glad your daughter didn't like the necklace cause it looks so fetching on you.

Jillybean said...

I'm sorry that mother nature messed up your April Fool's day jokes.
Isn't it amazing how well those old Bernina's will sew through flesh?
I think the necklace is cute, however, I'm probably considered to be old.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

So if I admit I like that necklace does that mean I'm old? And that I like books on tape? Sigh... So sad to realize this through a blog post.

Must go eat my pity away...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Shelle Belle, the reason you didn't know you were old is because your kids aren't teenagers yet. They are the ones who let you know.

The snow is now melted and the sun it out. Garden St. George will be warm. I may be going there too. It would fun to run into you there accidentally on purpose. We could also accidentally get Shelle, T and April to run into us there too.

Nutty, you could come down too, if you're not working.

Queen, you too. It could be a PARTAY!

Queen, I'm extremely curious what Twilight would sound like as a book-on-tape.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Were you disappointed in Edward's voice?

April said...

Now, your daughter can't have it both ways...either the necklace is for old ladies or for little girls. But since I lub decide! hahaha!
Now if miss Tauna is coming to St G I had BETTER get a call! I would LOVE to meet her! And since it will be warm by the weekend (can't guarantee the wind will be gone) she should have a fun trip!

Kelly said...


You make me laugh everytime!

Love it I say! Love it!


Braden said...

Great post. And great comment--were you disappointed in Edward's voice. LOL. Very funny. I LOVE books on tape. Best thing in the world

CaJoh said...

I know you're right because once I met my wife (who had two teenagers at the time) I suddenly felt instantly old. To quote TMBG: "You're older than you've ever been and now you're even older".

And thank you again for helping out in my little corner of the world I only got one commenter (who was anonymous)— but I'm sure that's because everybody who read your post was speechless.