Friday, September 11, 2009

Boom Boom Pow!

I've been thinking lately. About stuff.

My stuff in particular.

It only crosses my mind occasionally, like during the 10-12 hours a day I sit on my bare nekked wood floor with my nose pressed to the front window waiting for a large moving van to round the corner.

What if I never see my stuff again? I hold onto that thought sometimes. But then I put it back on the shelf next to all my other what ifs--what if I get skin cancer? What if my children get skin cancer? What if my hub gets skin cancer? 

What if a sunami wipes out Happy Valley before I get to the Macey's case lot sale next week?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just afraid of being disfigured and hungry (without my stuff).

I have decided to write abook called Martha, and the Magic Pants. It will be loosely based on actual events.

My X-door-neighbor, Martha sent me four pair of magic pants from and they jus' so happened to arrive on the very day that I was being a bawl baby.  

Call it coincidence, or call it like it is, on that very same day that I was being a bawl baby, Val of the South gave me a big ole' bag of Lucky Charms. 

Does the Universe lub me, or what? (Either that, or Martha and Val lub me).

I think the Universe might be trying to tell me to stop hiding my testimony (of magic) under a bushel (of apples).

As soon as I slipped on my magic pants and ate a bowl of Lucky Charms, my daughter started feeling better. And not just her strep throat either. I think the universe was channeling all those air hugs ya'll sent out. If I didn't have such a stone cold heart I would send some air kisses back-at-cha! (Especially to those who texted her and sent messages to her.) 

And if I didn't have such a stone cold heart I would admit that even crash test dummies need air hugs, even though I said they didn't. But that's the beauty of a stone cold heart--you don't need anyone or anything . . . (except your stuff).

I started believing in magic because Olivia Newton John told me too.  I was thirteen at the time and I would walk downtown to the movie theater on Center street and watch Xanadu over and over again. 

But I don't need to rely on Olivia Newton John's testimony anymore.  I've seen enough pixie dust to put on my own roller skates and spread the truth . . .  

We haf ta believe we are magic, peeps!  

Nuthin can stand in our way! 
I can prove it.  

The other day I entered an essay contest.  I didn't finish my essay until four hours before the deadline and of course some unexpected complications, in the form of technical obstacles, occurred while trying to get my essay from my Mac Text Edit file to my sister's DELL Microsoft Word file.  There were internet connection problems, of course.   The first time I hit a roadblock, my daughter decided to exercise her faith by playing some Black Eyed Peas for me.
It WORKED!  It really WORKED! That skankie Fergie helped me overcome my obstacle!

The second time I hit a roadblock, she started the song over.   BINGO!  Worked AGAIN! 

Then I realized I was 315 words over the word limit so she played the song over and over until I trimmed it down to meet the criteria.  

When I hit my third roadblock I told her to play it again.  

That's when she hauled off and BBP'd me right in the mouth! 

(With great power comes great responsibility and Black Eyed Peas magic should be used sparingly, lest it lead you down the road to violence.)

Another magical thing happened yesterday.  My sis-in-law came from Maryland and my IL's took us out to lunch at, that's right, the Golden Corral. But this time I had a plan.  I showed up LATE. 

And guess what!? I finished at the same time as my MIL.  

Woohoo!  I don't need to learn any more patience!


Sandi said...


wesley's mom (sue) said...

I'm afraid it would take more magic than even Olivia Newton John could conjure up to get me to the Golden Corral at all. I think your heart must not be as stone cold as you say because you have been making a lot of trips to the GC lately in the spirit of family togetherness, and if that's not love I don't know what is.

Sandi said...

hee hee hee

Sandi said...

Not sure why that gives me such a thrill.

Sandi said...

Wesley's mom is right- you have been spending too much time at GC to claim to have a stone cold heart. It just doesn't add up. Maybe for Christmas you could give your MIL one of those books that have coupons for different restaurants- you know to open up the possibilities to her. surely she's a gal who likes a coupon?
I think Martha might just like you as much as she likes your hub- what a nice lady to go spreading the magic like that!
I am very glad to know that Val is nice too, and that Olivia has a testimony! Also glad to know that your daughter is getting the boom boom pow back in her life...hooray!

Jillybean said...

I hope you get your stuff soon, but if you never see it again, I hope you get a new red front loading washer and dryer. They would totally match your kitchen.
You have been to the GC more times since you've been here than I've been in the last two years.
I think you're suffering from buffet overload.

Sandi said...

P.S. When did they say your stuff would arrive?

Tiffany said...

So the trick is to show up late, brilliant!!!

Oh man I hope the moving guys didn't steal your stuff. I have heard of that happening. Oh that was not a very encouraging thing to say. Sorry....., I am sure your stuff will arrive shortly. It is very rare for a moving company to steal all your stuff. Very rare!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee! Do you think it's a sickness? Should I go get a pedicure and do some therapy?

I just realized my Boom Boom Pow photo disappeared. I hope it doesn't do that again because that would be a sign.

Ha ha Sandi, you are such a silly goose. I can't believe you and Sue are questioning my integrity. I DO have a stone cold heart. And I'm itchy with a "b" too!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I just heard that my stuff is being delivered on MONDAY! WAHOOOOO!


The Crash Test Dummy said...

My Boom Boom Pow photo is still up! Phew!

val of the south said...

Sandi, there is something magical about being first here! (and I truly lol'd about "surely she's a gal who likes a coupon" I'm so going to say that to someone today!)

I'm glad the lucky charms helped - you know they are magically delicious!!

I converted to Xanadu-ism at that very same theater - we were vacationing in Utah when it came out. We really are destined to be bestest friends with all we have in common - first the code red and now this...too much coincidence to deny!

So glad your daughter is feeling better - yay!

val of the south said...

Boom boom pow and Xanadu are fighting to be the song stuck in my head for the day - it's like a very strange medly...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey, why do my photos keep disappearing? My testimony is starting to waver.

And my word verifier says cloti, which is freaky, since I just got through reading Melanie J's viper post.

AND, I kid not, I'm watching The Twilight Zone right now.

AND AND AND, I kid kid kid NOT, I just got an email from someone named Magic Jack. How weird is that.

Too bad the subject was how to lower my phone bill. That COULD have been a good post.

Val, we ARE destined to be best friends with all we have in common. Especially since we both lub Swedish fish too. And pearled sugar. What are you going to do with that, btw?

I gots ta go put Xanadu on my playlist and try to get my photos back up.

Youngblood4ever said...

Show up late? Brilliant idea.

Umm and the power of the BBP! I totally agree! When I am tired on my drive home I turn on BoomBoomPow and magically I am totally awake, car dancing, AND I lose my road rage. Do you think the Black Eyed Peas are secretly good witches (or warlocks)?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yes, they are secretly good witches. I would go so far as to call them Galindas.

Okay, I couldn't add Xanadu because it go too annoying, but I added magic. (as you can tell). hee hee

Kritta22 said...

Hello my long lost friend! Just checking in on you! I'm sorry that you don't have your stuff!

I have my stuff but can't open the trailer door cuz if we open it once, it's not going to close to shifting during the 3000 mile drive.

I don't know what is worse....knowing your stuff is 20 feet from you or your case.. waiting, and waiting.

Good planning on the Golden Corral thing. Nice work.

Tiffany said...

I hope your stuff comes soon. In the mean time, I too would like to bear my testimony of the Black Eyed Peas. I know that they are true.

And nice work on showing up late. Third time's a charm!

The Garden of Egan said...

Good luck on getting your stuff so you'll be prepared for the tsunami to come. I don't know about the Macey's caselot sale but I've picked up a couple hundred pounds of sugar on sale from there. In Idaho, they don't know how to put sugar on sale and I ain't gonna get caught in a tsunami without my sugar.....

Air hug to ya!
verification word: plucker....hmmmm

I am LoW said...

I love magic.

And you forgot to mention Magic Johnson. Where did he come in in all of this?

Martha said...

Hope you get your stuff soon, but, I'm keeping the green plastic chair. It's in our front yard and I sat it in yesterday to put my tennis shoes on and thought of you guys.

So I had to say the closing prayer at the University Ohana Mtg. this morning. I was totally nervous and couldn't think what to say, but I think my hair looked cute for those who were peeking!!!

I'm still waiting for photo evidence of the new magic pants. Come on, what do they look like?

No way, there is a Lucky Charms commercial on right now. Could that be coincedence? I think not? It must be a sign? I just wish I could interpret this sign. What does it mean? Where's Joseph when I need him?
Probably washing that many colored coat of his.

Martha said...

Did you guys see the Black Eyed Peas at Ophra's 24th Season Kickoff? If you didn't here it is and it's pretty cool.

So they got like 20,000 people to do what's called a flashmob dance.

Oh, and my hub did get skin cancer (a little) and he still survived.

Martha said...

Crash, shhh....don't tell Sandi that a few months ago I did buy your hub magic basketball shorts.

Martha said...

This is for Dolly because I don't have her email:

Tomorrow the boys play in Waialae Iki. Here's the directions.

WAIALAE IKI - Take the H-l in the Kokohead direction (that means East)as far as it goes, and you will end up on Kalanianaole Hwy. Watch for Kalani High School on your left, and a couple of blocks after that, you will see a large field on the left hand side. Tun left after the field, and there is a parking lot adjacent to the Kokohead end field.

This time she is going to defy the soccer gads and make it before the first quarter starts because I posted the directions on your blog, and your blog is magic and Lucky.

DeNae said...

It's amazing what even the Fergie's of the world can pull off when they are the minions of fate. Well done, crash!

And I admire your courage. I could have sworn you would never, ever eat with your MIL again. Way to not shishkebab her with your beef medallions over rice pilaf stick.

The truck will come. You have the red spatula. If you have the red spatula, the truck will come. I think Kevin Costner heard that in a dream once.

Anjeny said...

Hey, I love Olivia, looove her voice.

Glad to read your daughter is doing better and way to go showing up late for lunch and beat your MIL at her game. Really glad you figured out a way around her patience lesson. I'm sure your hub is going to hate me but I have to say that he's like my hub, they're both cheapskate so there is no way either of them would turn their moms down for a free lunch so there is no way to avoid going to those lunches so I was really rooting for you when you said you showed up late and therefore she lost her chance of holding up again...

I hope your stuff come soon. And it was very sweet of Martha to send you magic pants and Val to send you Lucky Charms.

{Oh yeah, my hub also had a little bit of skin cancer but we were lucky it was only on the very surface of his skin so they were able to just scrape it off.}

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hiiiii Kritta. It's so fun to see you here again. We have all missed you. I think it might be worse to have your stuff close, but inaccessible. It takes a lot of time and energy to move, doesn't it? Are you tired too?

hee hee Tiffany and Garden of Egan.

Martha, how cool that we have green chairs to remind us of our loved ones. sniff. I can't believe you actually had to say the prayer at the Ohana meeting. How in the world did you get that job? I would have been tongue tied too. But at least your hair looked good. ;) Are you guys coming at Christmas? I hope so.

My magic pants look just like yours. I will take photos as soon as Al gets home with the boys. They went camping this weekend with his brothers and kids and he took the camera. They are so cute though. MAHALO SO MUCH! Hey, there was a pair of soccer shoes size 2 included. Is that for Tommy?

I hope my comment box brings the boys good luck at their soccer game. I'm cracking up that you're using it to post directions.

Very cool that a lucky charms commercial came on while you were commenting. SEEEEEEE! I told ya we are magic.

LOLOL DeNae. You always crack me up girlfriend.

Anjeny, HUGs! I miss your spark of life so much! You never know what an effect you have on people. Seriously. Even dummies.

April said... should take your stone cold heart to Cold Stone Creamery (after you eat at GC of course). With that stone cold heart, you could probaby eat ice cream as fast as you want and not get a brain freeze!!! How magic would that be!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ah April. You are such a silly goose!

Sandi said...

Martha is scaring me. Are you sure you want her to come and see you at Christmas time?

Sandi said...

check me out- I think I am going to be first AND last!

Martha said...

Nani nani boo boo Sandi, I'm more last because it's 11 pm here and you are sound asleep. So I'm last for the day unless Dolly checks soon. If she doesn't check then how will she get to the game?

Martha said...

I never ordered any soccer shoes. I guess that was an extra bonus. Give them to some cousin that wears size 2 and plays soccer. Or you could give them as a prize or something.

Colleen said...

The soccer shoes are Martha and my version of the Ruby Slippers--tap your heals and say, "there's no place like Hawaii." I'm sorry, but Fergie is not willing you to get your contest submission in on time, nor Galinda, its moi (why don't you like Miss Piggy anyway?). BTW, I will forgive you if you take your darling daughter or husband when you win, but I will not forgive you if you take Fergie or Galinda, or any other super cool witchy type.
Sorry Martha, but being last has no rewards.

Melanie J said...

Crash, I keep forgetting to ask you. I have a character in my book who keeps referring to her stone cold heart in one chapter, a la YOU. Is that okay? Because I'm abou to turn it in.

Mariko said...

I think what you really need to worry about, what-if wise, is "What if I die from eating crappy food at the GC?"
Ugh. I get chills when I think of you eating there. Night after night.

Oh. I want to read you essay. Co told me about it.

Maybe if you plan your NY trip at the same time that I win the honoluluadvertiser NY trip we can meet up.

April said...

Mariko, the GC isn't as crappy as it used to be...they have some good food now. They changed it up. It's not like the "Up"Chuck-A-Rama.

April said...

ps..I have eaten at the GC and liked it. They have tilapia!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Colleen, you are right! YOU are the magic link because I saw both Black Eyed Peas AND Wicked with YOU! Wow! That's amazing. And I do like Miss Piggy, even though I don't think Jane looks like Miss Piggy. However, I think we should have gotten Jane the Miss Piggy. Again, you were right. You are also right that being last has no rewards. That's why we worked so well together at History Day. We both like to be first. So many rewards for first. ;)

Mariko, if I die eating GC, at least I won't die hungry and disfigured. :) What Honolulu Advertiser contest did you enter? Yes, I am so willing us to win so we can go to New York together. It is my dream that one day, me, you, Pam and Co will eat Greek food in New York.

April is also right. GC has some good food. For instance, they have the most delicious cooked cabbage and cauliflower. And the tilapia is scrumptious. The chocolate cake is way better than IKEA even.

Oh, and Melanie J. It's okay if your character has a stone cold heart, as long as she's bee-U-tiful. And her name is Crash. ;)

I'll take it as a compliment.

Sandi said...


The Crash Test Dummy said...


Dolly said...

If you go eat greek food with Pam and Co and Mariko in NY, I'm gonna find out about it and show up and CRASH your lunch just like I did in Haliewa. And you won't be mad because I will buy you some pad tai or even something better.

Martha- this magic blog charm thing worked! We hit traffic bottle necks twice and we still got there 25 minutes early! I even had another car of players following me because I was the only one who knew where to go thanks to Martha and this magic post with all of it's lucky charms.

Coleen- I'm gonna have to use some of YOUR magic today either after church or skipping out on part of church to get my apartment tweaked out. It's almost done and the tenants are coming tomorrow. It's at that stage like on Trading Spaces, where everything just needs to be put into place and a few cleaning items. The picky and rewarding stuff that you and I do so well. I was gonna skip soccer yesterday to do it, but apparently the car Gads had me pegged for driving with magical directions.

Martha- I am leaving on Tuesday! Crash, can you believe that she thinks I will really not go? She says I never go when I say I'm going. Or maybe she's just had her fill of seeing her family's friends go.....

Crash- the best crack up for me is planning to show up late to win control of your patience! That is charming! Love you, miss you, see ya!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly, I just read all your comments and I am smiling inside right now (after a long long weekend). I'm too tired to reply, but I will tomorrow. I will also reply to your email tomorrow. I have more cute photos of you that I will send. You were a total supermodel that day. But nothing makes up for a bad photo with Jack Johnson. TRAVEL safely back to Saudi. Can't wait to read more from you. I hope you do Crash my New York party. You're the best party crasher ever!

LY, Dolly

Sandi said...

last now?