Monday, September 21, 2009

Endless Summer (Caution: this post is racey)

Today is the last day of summer. 

Usually when I hear that I think, hmph, not for me it isn't, and I thumb my nose at the world. But now I am not only in the world, but of the world, which means my endless summer ends in exactly 6 hours. 

Thirteen years of straight summer . . .  POOF . . .  just like that.  

That deserves a moment of silence, don't cha think?

R.I.P endless summer.  

Bring in on, FALL!

It's 61 degrees right now and the air is crisp and clean, with no caffeine. It's got attitude. It's got a bark to it's bite.  My thirteen year old keeps opening the door and saying, "It's FREAKIN' COLD!!!!! Is it going to be this cold every day until winter?"

Mwuahahaha!  He has no idea. He thinks cold is the fruit section at Costco. We once found a patch of snow in Wyoming in July and he went surfing on it with his bare feet. He swore up and down that he had hypothermia.  


But let's not talk about the weather.  Let's talk about how much my daughter hated my post about her pelting a Polynesian in the head with a bottle of soda.   She thought it was lame sauce, and, if I recall correctly, she used the word embarrassing quite a few times. 

"You sounded so . . . white!"  she cringed.  

"I am white," I told her. 

"I know you are, but what am I?" she said.

"You're white too, girlfriend." 

That shut her up.  

I had no idea she had no idea she was white.  My boys all figured it out when they were in third grade.  My oldest son came home from school one day and asked,  "Mom, am I a haole?" 

 (Haole is what they call us white folk in Hawaii.)

"NO DUH you are!" I told him.

"So junk!" he declared.  

It's not the most popular race to be in Hawaii.  It's right up there with being Portuguese. Unfortunately I later found out that my great great grandmother who came from India was not actually FROM India.  She was FROM Portugal.  

You do the math. 

"WHAT!?" My son said.  "I'm haole AND Portuguese??????" 

"Life stinks! GET OVER IT!" I told him. 

Point is, my kids are racially sensitive.  In fact just yesterday my daughter and I camped out watching the What I Like About You marathon on Teen Nick and all those nasty, naughty, skanky Degrassi commercials kept interrupting my purity.  

"Teen Nick is RACEY!" I declared.

"No, it' s not,"  she said. "IS TOO!" I said. "IS NOT!" she said.  

Then we started all-star wrestling on the bed until she pinned me down and said, "There's nothing racial about Teen Nick!"  

That's my girl!

But I let's not talk about race.  Let's talk about religion.  Anyone want to hear about church this week?

Let me know if you want to hear about it and we'll talk about it tomorrow.


The Garden of Egan said...

Of course I want to hear about church!
Bring it on!

Amanda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amanda said...


Thanks for the laugh!

Race is being thrown around so much these days...whether it's racey or racial. It was nice to have a chuckle about it rather than shaking my head at it.

DeNae said...

My daughter, born in Seattle of English, Scottish, and Danish descent, is pretty darn sure she's black.

My cousin's kids, all So. Cal. born and bred, once raced into my parents' home declaring that it was snowing. We went outside while they "showed" us. Big puffs of air producing steam. They could see their breath. That was the snow.

You may want to teach your kids how to walk on ice. And that fashion has nothing to do with warmth. And that, from Ogden to Nephi, no one can breathe during the month of February because of the inversion.

And that's when you should all come visit me in Vegas!

Jami said...

But of course I want to know what happened in church.

I don't do race. I do slow walks.

Chief said...

I need to hear about church yesterday because I totally ditched

Tiffany said...

You never fail. Yes, I want to hear about church. So bad.

IWA (e - va) said...

So did you go rock climbing??? huh?huh? huh? or did you talk about rock climbing? or Popeye?

Yes.. please do tell us about your speaking assigment... i bet it was awesome.. i miss hearing you talk.... (does that sound stalkerish? LOL!)

Awww T... If i was her, I would walk around lying to everyone about being portagee and just tell everyone she's hawaiian... because anyone you ever find here (in HI) that is actually portagee... is usually also hawaiian....

Three years ago this blond blue-eyed haole girl(raised in HI) was the only white girl in our math class.... Our teacher would always pick on her and one day I told everyone she was one questioned it.... and to this day we refer to her as the tongan in the class! Couldnt you have just lied to your kids an told them something cool to believe and kill their dreams later? haha!

Martha said...

Adam wrote an English paper a couple of weeks ago about when he was in 2nd grade some kid told him, "Go back to the mainland Haole". Adam had to say he'd only been to the mainland a couple of times, but was born and raised in Laie, and that he had just lived in Samoa for 2 1/2 years. He then asked the boy where he was from and it turned out he was Samoan from Utah.

Martha said...

I hope you guys don't freeze too bad this winter.

(Well actually, I hope you do freeze and then move back here).

Rachel Sue said...

I have to admit, I am very curious about church.

And when it comes to winter, look on the bright side, at least you didn't move to BYU-Idaho. Then you would really freeze.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Yes summer is suppose to end here and only be 92 tomorrow. What will I wear? Actually I am ready for some cooler temperatures. Can't wait to hear the report of your talks in church. And didn't your daughter remember the release form she signed releasing any right to privacy she might have had. Seriously, my fifteen year old always says to me, don't you dare put this on your blog. What the what. What about freedom of speech. And freedom to be an embarassment to our offspring. You go girl.

And btw, I am coming up for conference weekend and I might need to go to ikea or olive garden for lunch on Monday after Conference. Or maybe brick oven. Just sayin. I also have to get my hair all beautified again, so let me know if you are free.

April said...

What the h? I wrote a comment a couple of hours ago and it disappeared! Did that Laie Boyz guy come in here looking for revenge and take it? Sheeesh!

April said...

and by "h" i mean heck of course!

The Mom said...

While reading your witty, delightful columns I am realizing how much I missed out on by moving away from the townhouses just after you moved in.

You rock.

Darcie's ticked that she's not Hawaiian, too. "But Mom, I was BORN here!" Sigh.

I remember distinctly sitting in the cultural hall part of the chapel at my brother-in-law's sacrament meeting our first trip back to the mainland after two years here. I looked around and thought "Everybody's white!" Then I remembered I was too. There's two kinds of folk who move here--the ones white on just the outside, and the other ones.

And yes, I definitely want to hear what happened at Church.

I am LoW said...

We don't get the 4 seasons in GA either. But I waaaaaant 4 seasons. Wah!

You tell me what happened in church there and I'll tell you what happened here. :-D

val of the south said...

I'm SOOOOO not ready for summer to be over. And I think the chill in the air is my attitude towards Fall!

I finally posted about our IKEA lunch - we SOOOOOO need to do that again really soon! I do have to go to Lehi soon to get more flour - (I love buying flour at the Footloose Roller Mills!) maybe we could meet up then.

Cold sucks! I'm not ready!!

val of the south said...

ps - I wanna hear about church too.

springrose said...

I was wondering how your family was going to deal with season shock! If they think it is cold now, just wait!! Snow for 4 or 5 months, at least it seems like that! Can't wait to read about Sunday! Did it involve cake in RS? We had cake to go along with our lesson, two kinds of cake and pinapple sprite drinks!!

April said... much as Sundays give me headaches, I do want to hear about church––cause the way you tell it, makes me laugh!

wv -whine, so if you want us to stop whining about it ...TELL US!!! hehehe!

(or maybe wv misspelled whine and it should be 'wine' cause you saw water turned into wine at church on Sunday and witnessed a whole congregation get smashed!)

April said...

and that is why I am going to h!

Heather and Kyle said...

you guys are so funny. Welcome to Utah weather. I am hating it too. We need to catch up. Ethan has his first cold so we have been inside

Funny Farmer said...

Are we doomed to multiple posts about how cold you spoiled people are? I may have to reconsider my daily habit of checking in here. Self pity is so unattractive. Making fun of your children is soentertaining though... hm. What a conundrum.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha Martha, that story is classic. I lub that Adam wrote a paper about it. It totally encapsulates the identity crisis.

Iwa, WHY DIDN'T I THINK of that! I'm serious. It's like Santa Claus. We know he doesn't really wear a red coat, but thinking so helps us get through the winter. (half the winter, anyway).

And no, I didn't go rock climbing, but I fantasized about it all through sacrament.

DeNae, ha ha You better get your guest room ready.

Jami, ha ha ha That was a good one, girl. I don't do races either. Brisk walks are as good as I get.

Nutty Hamster Chick! YES! Let's do Brick Oven. I lub lub lub Brick Oven. Anyone else want to do Brick Oven the Monday after conference? We could get our hair be-U-tified together too. Where do you get your hair be-U-tified?

April, hee hee I would lub to see the congregation get smashed. It would liven things up a bit.

Springrose, can I come to your Relief Society. I lub pineapple and sprite drinks.

Val, tell me when you are coming to Lehi. I'll go buy flour with you and we can eat shrimp bisque and chocolate covered strawberries at Zupas. And I'm up for IKEA again too.

HEATHER, hey girl! I WANT TO COME SEE YOU SOON! Can Alan and I come on Friday? I have a gift for Ethan.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Mwuaaahahahah Funny Farmer. It's a dichotomous world, what can I say. I'm like an onion. I have layers. And I'll make you cry. And I'll add flavor to your soup. I'm also like an ogre. Shrek's got nothing on me and my layers.

You'll only hear about the weather over and over if it's on my mind. :)

Life stinks! GET OVER IT!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

The MOM, OMGOSH! I know The MOM! Her hub's office was right next door to MY office. Her daughter, Darci was in my twins class.

Darci's comment cracked me up because last year the twins came home and said "Do we speak Hawaiian?" I said "NO." They said, "If we're Hawaiian, why don't we speak Hawaiian?"

hee hee hee

Tell you hub ALOHA and that I miss him!

Funny Farmer said...

I will NOT get over it. :stomps foot and scowls: I won't I won't I won't!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sour puss! : P

Kelly said...

Have you ever seen that movie on t.v., 'The Jerk' with Steve Martin, where he grew up with an African American family until, as an adult he decided to leave and that is when they broke the news to him that he was white, and he says in this incredibly pitiful voice, "You mean I'm gonna stay this color FOREVER?!!!" That's what I thought of when I read about your son's reaction. Did someone's safety harness not work on the rock climbing wall at church or something?

Mariko said...

Being haole in Hawaii is more respectable locally than being haole anywhere else at least. And I think people on the mainland always think you're exotic by association if you say you're from Hawaii. So just keep on sayin' it. Even if you live in Utah for the next 30 years.