Saturday, September 26, 2009

Zapped while zipping!

Oh, Peeps, lend me your ear!  For I have a tale to tell that will knock your socks off.  And your shoes too, for that matter.  

At least it knocked my gigi's shoes off.  Literally.  

Today is the day I will finally tell you the story about the time my gigi got struck by lightening.  

You probably thought I was fibbing about my gigi being able to conduct electricity and mutating into a magnet, huh?

You never know with the dummy, right?  You always walk away scratching your head and asking yourself, did she really poke her bishop's eye's out? Or did she really Kung Fu Panda kick that insulting soccer dad?   

Maybe, maybe not.  But one thing is sure, if it sounds too crazy to be true, BELIEVE IT!

We really did have a guinea pig named Popeye whose eyeballs popped out after an incident with our dog but were re-installed for $10 by a very compassionate vet.  And my gigi really did get struck by lightening.   

Kute Kasey said yesterday that my life should be a T.V show.  FYI, KK, my hub has been begging me for years to write my first book about my grandma who lives in the Twilight Zone and he has already cast Nicole Kidman to play my grandma when the made-for-T.V. movie comes out.  

This is my made-for-T.V. movie grandma:

And this is my reality T.V. grandma:

How cute is she?  

But I will take you to the Twilight Zone to meet my grandma another day.  Today I'm out to prove that the whole lightening-never-strikes-twice theory is a load of propaganda.  

Roy Sullivan was struck by lightening seven times.  

Once you can conduct electricity, lightening kinda stalks you.  Either that or Gad kinda punishes you. 

My gigi was punished three times. 

So do you want to meet my gigi?

This is her as I left her apartment today. Don't ask me why she was pointing to the heavens.  

When my gigi was four years old she got a new pair of shoes.  Two days later a bolt of lightening entered her neck and exited her left heel.  This process pretty much ruined her new shoes, which ticked her off.  

But not until six months later because it took a whole six months before her mother could even dress her again.  

For six months my poor gigi laid under a sheet trying to recover, without any antibiotics or pain killers, from being electrocuted.  There were hundreds of pieces of rock and gravel and bark embedded in her skin because the lightening had pretty much split the sidewalk beneath her feet wide open.  The doctor told gigi's mother there was no way she would survive, but she stayed by her beside round the clock and prayed her daughter back to life.  

The End.  

PSYCH!  Not The End.  

Today, besides acquiring photographic evidence of the shoes, I learned a new detail that has never before accompanied the story.  When I lifted the shoes from their wooden case, a folded piece of paper fell out of the box.  Inside was every embarrassing detail of the story.  

As it turned out, my gigi did follow her father's instructions and began to run home.  However, halfway there she realized something.  

Something very important to the story.  

Something very important to her fate and destiny and karma and to the fate, destiny and karma of her posterity.

Her bladder was full.  

In other words, she had to pee.  

And so she raced to the biggest tree she could find, squatted, and began to relieve herself, which is to say she was in the act of peeing (pardon my vulgarity, but sometimes the truth is rated R) when a subliminal message, in the form of a lightening bolt, came straight from the hand of Mrs. Gad saying "Hey down there! Don't cha know it ain't lady like to pee on a tree!

Seriously, could the story get any better if I thought of it myself?

The question is this: Who should we cast to play my gigi in her HBO special Zapped While Zipping?


val of the south said...

Can it really be true - am I first?

val of the south said...

It is true! Yay me!! (it's the small things that keep me going)

What a great story. I totally thought the lightning was going to scare the pee out of her - not being zapped while zipping! I shall never pee out in the open again (okay, it's not like it's a regular occurance anyway!)

T said...

Such a cool story - in a "wow, that's weird enough it just much be true" sort of way! those shoes give me chills!

Lara said...

That is a crazy story! And did she really get struck twice more in her life? Do tell!

Jami said...

Oh my HECK! (In honor of your Utahishness.) Poor kid. She must have been scarred for life. Her shoes sure were.

I hope when I am her age that I am as pretty as she is. Lightening must have prettifying properties.

DeNae said...

Holy cri-ZAP! (I say that because it fits the whole lightning theme and because my daughter thinks she's black.)

Poor little girl!! I've always known it was bad karma for gals to piddle outdoors, mostly because we lack aiming capabilities and end up looking and feeling like we just widdled in our drawers anyway. But now I totally have a testimony of finding a potty!

(Both of my g-pa's were struck by lightning while walking in from the field with a shovel over their shoulders.)

The Garden of Egan said...

I think YOU should be casted for the HBO special of being zapped. Yup.
I think you'd do a superb job! I can even almost envision it, except then it would be TMI but my vote is for you.
I took care of a girl in the ER that was 10 and was zapped by lightening. She was playing soccer though, not piddling on a tree.
Also, I think your bishop should have you teach the Gospel Doctrine class. I'm sure you'd be as entertaining as I imagine DaNae is.

Jillybean said...

Wow, what an amazing story!
It must have been a very painful recovery. Did she suffer any long term effects?

My motto in life is "Never pass up an opportunity to pee." Maybe I should rethink this.

CaJoh said...

I'm just laughing at the harsh punishment for finding a toilet-tree.

Sandi said...

That was a big price to pay for your gigi--you know in order for you to have that magnetic pull to attract the famous peeps. Poor gigi! I would rather die than squat to pee, and she almost did! She is adorable, there is nobody quite cute enough to play her.

Heidi Ashworth said...

This is so great! Anyway, personally, I believe the message is "should you need to pee, do not do it under a tree in the middle of a lightning storm or even if the sky is dark and threatening. The end." (In other words, pee out in the open.) It would have been a whole lot less traumatic even if a truck load of construction workers drove by.

IWA (e - va) said...

That was AWESOME..... I think you should write that book about her... because if that could happen to her and survive, I bet the Lord saved her to do a heck a lot more marvelous things throughout her Life!!

I love that she kept the shoes.. thats awesome! and then she actually journaled the incident.. Awesome!

I think you may have found your holy grail (shoes) and your mission (a book about gigi) in UTAH! Good Luck, Im exctied!!!

Homer and Queen said...

This is why I never pee. That would happen to me in my house if I peed. Bad karma follows me...

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

That truly was an amazing story. Sometimes I wonder if my life is a TV show also. For sure it is a reality TV show.

Anywhoo, (wink wink DeNae) I am with Queen. I try to avoid peeing at all costs, it is just such a nuisance.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Dang I keep forgeting to log in before I comment, and then I can't follow and it is just rather bothersome.

Stephen said...

I think you should cast Angelina Jolie as Gigi. Any movie can be more marketable with those lips.

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...


April said...

I would NEVER piddle outside....although I was tempted to have my hubby pull over on the way home from the BYU game today. It was so hot and I drank so much water. Instead, I held it and got a tummy ache.

Poor gigi. But I don't think it would be Mrs Gad. She would understand about needing a place to piddle. I think it's from the other side...just sayin!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I don't know about your question but your Gigi is awfully cute :)

SWIRL said...

I'm waiting for the book too--
you are way to funny to be limited to blogging!

April said...

hahahaha!!! I just got it! why gigi is pointing to the heavens! hahahahaha!!!! But your comment box is still set on Hawaii time. It Utard time I posted at 1am....I didn't get the subtly!

April said...

In Utard time...."in" not was a long day yesterday! :)

Dolly said...

I love the book that is coming. We have got to get you an agent.

Maybe I'm just biased because I love to read novels about girls who have had any similar experience to any thing I've ever gone through.

I was ten years old and I got struck by lightening while taking a bath in our old claw foot bath tub on the farm. I used to pee out side on that farm all the time too. Mostly I would hold on to the railing and hang over the side of the balcony from the attic of the barn.

If you go to my face book photo albums you will see a photo of me in that old barn. Not peeing! This was a photo from last June during my summer across America RV trip.

I am LoW said...

Forget clean underwear in case of an accident, cute shoes is the way to go!

Terresa said...

It's just as the saying goes, true life is much *much* stranger than fiction. And probably more pee-filled, too.

Mariko said...

Those are the cutest shoes I have ever seen.
I would be pretty ticked if some lightning bolt came and ruined my perfectly cute shoes too.

The Mom said...

Debbie, as I am now hooked on your blog, will you please try to keep it un-rated-R? I read your stories out loud to Darcie and she loves them!

Seriously, I can't wait to read more about your Gigi. Amazing story.

Did you hear that Olelo is going to show conference tape delayed at 10 am and 2 pm? And it will be on campus TV at 6 am and 10 am? Everything's gone upside down since you left!!

Tiffany said...

Wow, now I am scared of getting struck by lightening. This blog will haunt me for a very long time. I need to stop reading scary blogs before I got to bed, I will for sure be having bad dreams about peeing on trees and lighting breaking my brand new shoes.