Friday, September 4, 2009

Aloha Friday


It's Friday! Which in Hawaii means everyone is putting on their shaka shirts and hula skirts right now.

Except for me because I'm in Utah baking pies in my jeans and CTR t-shirt.

Do you think I'm depressed? Because I can't stop baking pies.

Or do you think I'm just weird?

When you move to a new place everyone seems weird, except you. But then you wake up one day and everyone seems normal, except you.

I don't know which is worse?

I guess I'll know I'm normal when I start chunking and ratting and wedging my hair.

Anyways, I am struggling with my identity right now. I hope I don't start doing scrapbooks next.

(Oh, dear. I'm going to scrapbook myself silly all winter long, huh? huh? huh?)

I can see why people do it. I really can. It's so much more productive than prozac or porn. And you need something to fill that vacant void of disconnect you see on everyone's faces at your daughter's soccer games.

At least my daughter's soccer games are good material for my next book, The Invisible Mom, and it's sequel, The Secret Life of Itchy B's.

I'm not complaining because being the new girl is super fun and exciting, as is being a stay-at-home mom slash glamorous writer. Surprisingly it doesn't really bother me at all that I can't figure out which side of the field to park my growing apple-pie bootie. Not recognizing anyway has it's perks because anyone doesn't recognize you either, which means you don't have to be bothered with anyone pestering you and introducing themselves to you and saying "welcome to the team, you must be the new girl's mom. blah blah blah."

The only thing better than being the new girl's mom is unpacking the new girl's untouched soccer snacks after every game. It's takes me back to this post when I first realized I had a big L on my forehead?

The only good thing about the big L post was that it allowed my kids to open up and come out of the closet about their shame over always having the junkest sack lunches in the state of Hawaii.

"Everyone always had to share with me because my lunch was so junk," said my daughter.

"I know, so embarrassing!" my said my thirteen-year-old son. "Everyone else had two sodas and a huge bag of Doritos."

"Yeah, and like three musubi's with SPAM AND egg!" chimed in my twins. "And store bought cookies."

Then they wrapped their arms around each other and cried and sang Kumbaya.

Allow me to share some photographic evidence that I am not the only one with a big L on my forehead.

No, I didn't not pack this lunch. Some other loser did.

Maybe I'm normal after all.


And AlooooooooHA!!!!!!


Chief said...

That is a great lunch. I don't see what anyone who have to complain about with that! We oughta haul the kids to Africa with that lunch and see what kind of response we get. Sheesh!

SWIRL said...

Dang!@ NOt FIRST- I totally have been camping on my computer ALL morning so I could be first!!!

and say---
A-LOOOO-HA Friday! to you!
she'ssh ..

okay- now to read the post..

Sandi said...

THeres Swirl!!! Don't ever forget the lessons you learned from packing the most junk lunch ever, ok Crash? and don't ever turn to porn, even if it means you have to scrapbook. Happy Aloha Friday!

IWA (e - va) said...

*Singing* It's aloha Friday.. no work til Monday! (This weekend tuesday)... doo doot doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doot doo doo!

awwww... I miss you too!

Please dont start scrapbooking..If you do, Everything i know about you will become a big fat lie! heehee!

IWA (e - va) said...

Hah.. I think loser lunches were started in Utard! Which is kind of Ironic.. because if there anyplace you can afford to fork out a 100 bags of chips...four cases of soda ...a cooler of hotdogs ... a case of cookies..and bags of oranges..... It's in Utard! Heck you could all get them their own gallon of milk if you wanted and still have money for your dollar movie and frozen yogurt! Oh.. Utahans! hahaha!

IWA (e - va) said...

Come on crash.. show um how it's done.. show up in your "7th ward for life" shirt and a cooler full of food and call that dork out (that yelled at T) and punk his butt! (sorry that's the much rougher side of hawaiians) and of course after you do it, shaka at him and tell him to hang loose!

IWA (e - va) said...

Guess what... todays my last school day.. two finals and im done for a week! YAY....

hey sandi.. i finally emailed you back! sorry it took so long!

SWIRL said...

Crash! where is the double portion of protein in that soccer snack?? spam and corn dog...?? You are going to have to show em howz itz done hawaiian style when it is your snack turn. (and since you'll be out of practice-- don't forget the plastic spork wrapped in a napkin..) AND make sure you make enough for the sibblings of all the teammates! How cute- that little juice box!

I can't wait for more writing lessons.... I TOTALLY want to learn how to make it look so easy-- but it is a gift girl!

SWIRL said...

Oh-- and HI SANDI!!!
I know i've been a bit MIA.. Crash left BYU-H and I've started working now... so less time to stalk her blog!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my eyeball are sweating up just hearing from my girlz!


Sandi, how cute. You went over to Swirl's blog didn't you. And you told her I needed someone to recognize, didn't you? Someone who recognizes me, huh? huh? huh?

It sure is nice to have friends. And especially to have friends with attitude. hee hee

Thanks for letting me borrow your spine. I pinky promise I will never do scrapbooks. And I will buy everyone on my daughter's soccer team a gallon of free milk. And I'll pour one gallon over the guy who insulted my daughter. Then I'll sprinkle some frosted flakes all over him and say "It's GRRRRRRReat to be the new kid on the block. Mahalo for your kindness."

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, congrats on your classes!

Sniff. I kinda miss my students (even though it's totally exciting to be a SAHM slash glamorous writer).

The Crash Test Dummy said...

LY Hawaii! Lub u lots!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

LY Swirl.

Barbaloot said...

Aloha Crash! Had I known I was supposed to wear a grass skirt today I'd have fully taken advantage that it's casual Friday. Remind me next time, would ya?

PS-those carrots in the lunch look really good to me.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I wish I had a blog back when I moved to Vegas. So fun to hear from those you love and miss. Much better than just leaving and never hearing from old friends again.

I don't think scrapbooking is the end of the world. Just sayin.

Good luck with the continued cultural transition from Hawaii to Utah. Someone should start a business, I bet there would be a lot of takers.

Sandi said...

FYI Miss Crash- I did NOT go tell Swirl to come and pay some attention to you- she did that all on her own!
And IWA....thanks so so so so much for your email...I already emailed you back and I think I love you!

♥georgie♥ said...

Aloha! Happy Friday! I still can not imagine eating spam-I have tried it...not for me...

i think i can smell those pies all the way here in oklahoma!

that lunch doesnt look half bad

Jillybean said...

Please don't do anything drastic to your hair! First TAMN talks about "chopping" her hair and now you?
You're hair is WaY cUTe the way it is!

Do I need to organize a srapbooking intervention for you?

val of the south said...


You're safe - I've been here 15 months and nary a scrapbook in sight! Though I must admit I have about 35 jars of pickles and a dozen jars of apricot jam I've "put up" (that phrase cracks me up) - and I hear peaches will be ready next week! I'm cool with embracing the whole canning thing - scrapbooking, not so much!

Hey, is lunch still on for next week - or was that meant to get my hopes up and then dash them down and stomp on them? Let me know :)

April said...

Aloooooha! Sorry no grass skirt here, just jeans, cause that's what I get to wear to work on casual Fri. Jeans and a T-shirt! YES! Then after work a date night with the hubby.

So are you going to the first football game of the season? Are you? Huh? Huh? Huh?

BTW I think those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers will take that L off your forehead. Maybe a little skin too, but if you do it in a circular motion, it will just look like you walked into a door, or burned your head on a pie tin.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aloha girlz! Thanks for all your moral support. Jillybean, you crack me up. Are you close to me? In vicinity? Just wondering, cause we're doing lunch next week. Val, YES, DeNae is coming over for lunch. Please come too. And bring some pickles. hee hee

We haven't worked out the deets yet because we just haven't. Let's email. DeNae, Wednesday is best for me, but if it's Tuesday I can do 9-11 a.m.

We're getting some new couches delivered tomorrow (YAY) so we'll have something to sit on. We can even take a nap on them. I'll make you guys a pie.

I'm not going to post an invitation, but anyone who sees this comment and wants to come is welcome to my home!

I can't wait!

Martha said...

I'm home from camp!!! I'm trying to get all caught up.

So we talked about you at Camp Timberline and it was actually nice stuff. Apparently, Jen is a stalker of your blog and started sharing stories to Sandi A. and Linda S. They loved the Dumb Milk story and we told them about the turkey trot picture and about the bossy Big Island girl who turned out to be the one who biffed it at Turkey Trot.

So Jen, if you're reading this, you have to post a comment. Come on you can do it!!!

Ok, so after camp Jen and I went to the Kapolei Target. Can you say HUGE? Anyway if you bought two big boxes of Pop Tarts you got a gallon of milk free!! Can you believe it? Any no price limit on the milk? It was on sale for $3.99. I thought of your Macey Milk story after that one.

Martha said...

This is for Sandi. Ok, so I was telling my buddy Linda about how you always teasing me on Crash's blog and she says, "NO WAY, I know Sandi and we are super good friends!!!"

So small world girl. Now we have to get her to read the blog too.

Martha said...

Sorry the kids are sick. I love my apple peeler and I want a new one because it's really rusty and the rubber bottom sucky thing doesn't suck the counter anymore.

Remember the apple pancakes???? That's how I got the apples so uniform and thin. With my apple peeler. You should try it.

Nan did take a cute hair picture of me at camp. I'll change my pic soon.

Nan and Jim were the only ones who could climb the advanced rock wall at camp. They were all impressed with Jim's climbing abilties. I think he's found his grail.

Jillybean said...

I'm sort of in the vicinity.
Not close enough to actively stalk you in person, (however, I do have a great pair of binoculars.....) but not so far away that I couldn't drive over for lunch.
I would love to go to lunch with you guys!
I have a few questions, can you email me?

Dolly said...

You were being missed in Kahuku today also! Sean and Tristan and Josh are on the AYSO team and they were playing the girls. I sat with Sandy A. and Kim A. and Sandy was telling us about the best part of camp Timberline was getting the low down from Martha on Crashtestdummy! Have you read it? she asked. Oh yeah, I said, sometimes I star in it.... along with Jack Johnson.

Seriously though, Kim looked it up on her iphone right then and there.

There were lots more oodles and oodles of Crash affirmations floating above Kahuku tonight.... I think the polarity balance of no one recognizing you at one soccer field today is cuz the rest of the soccer moms in Kahuku were singing your praises.

You are so lubbed!

Debbie said...


If you ever need someone to stand on the field to watch the soccer games give me a call. I have a cool scream so I'm good to have around for goals and cool plays and stuff.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

My eyes are glowing (as my MIL would say). What a wonderful (Did the CTD just say wonderful?) way to wake up in the morning. I feel so lubbed. Sometimes I miss feeling lubbed. There is something kinds cool about KNOWING your kids teachers and OTHER moms and dads at the soccer field. Thanks Dolly and Martha for passing the lub on. I lub Sandi A and Linda S (both former teachers of my kids) and I miss them. I lub lub lub Jen too! Lub her and her hub both.

I CAN'T BELIEVE LInda S knows OUR SANDI! Sandi did you hear that? That's the third person you've known really well that I KNOW. OMGOSH! We are soul sistahs. I can't wait to meet you! I WANT TO BE AT KUTE KASEY'S WEDDING! WIll Linda be there? And will LaNett be there?

Martha I can't believe Target IN HAWAII gave you a free gallon of milk too? OMGOSH! Is the universe dumb or what? I lub dumb people. (It takes one to lub one).

I lub Kim A. too. Give that girl a hug for me.

Debbie, you are so supportive. I am seriously tempted to take you up on that offer.

Jillybean, I will email you. I would love to have you come over for lunch. Let me find out when DeNae is coming. I hope you do some bedazzling for me, though! ;)

Dolly, may you see Jack Johnson a million times this soccer season. And may someone take a really good snapshot of you with his arms around you.


Sandi said...

I love that little wish you have for Dolly just now. Maybe someday you can wish that for me too.
Wow- the world is getting smaller and smaller! That magic red thread you talked story about is so true! YES Linda is my friend and I just love her and her cute little family so much! So yes, Crash and Lanett and Linda will all be invited to the wedding but I doubt if anyone can come, being the week before Christmas on another Island and all that jazz. But oh how I would love to see you all there!
OK I am off to the famous Sweet Corn Festival and Rodeo and guess what I will be having to eat today? PLATE LUNCH :) Yup, we've got Samoans in town- yay!
Have a great Labor Day Weekend!

SWIRL said...

Oh MY CRASH- I totally forgot to post my "girls day" solo...

I had to run to town-- and the whole time I was thinking.. this would be so much more fun with CRASH--- so I took pictures and EVERYTHING!!! I am going to post that tomorrow--when I have some time to down-load pictures.. my computer is sooooo slow..

But your hair comments-- reminded me-- I got your back girl! Found something that TOTALLY will help you and tatum in the hair department!

Martha said...


I'm so hurt. After I let you tease the daylights out of me, and you still don't even invite ME to the wedding? I actually haven't met Kute Kasey yet because she's not in my tennis class.

Martha said...

Crash, so get this. Last Sat. Dolly runs out of gas by Temple Valley on the way to Josh, Tristan, and Sean's the soccer game. She had to be rescued.

Today Adam gets a flat tire taking Josh to Dolly's house to go to the soccer game. The car Gads don't want these boys to play soccer or something.

Martha said...

I think I changed my profile pic. If it worked.

Sandi said...

Martha that looks like a whole new you in that pic--so cute! NOt that the old one wasn't cute too of course. AND I would invite you to the wedding, even though you don't know KK yet (Someday you will probably know her, that campus is so small) HOWEVER I already saw your comment saying that you are going to a wedding in UTARD on that same date. So there.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You tell her, Sandi. Nothin' gets by Sandi. But hey, that wedding may not be happening after all. I repeat MAY not. It still MAY so don't quote me. Martha wouldn't it be fun if me, you, LaNett and Linda all popped over there for the wedding. Who else do you know Sandi?

And OMGOSH, Martha, the car Gads must be crazy!

Martha I forgot to tell you that maybe when Jimmy comes to visit he cold climb the rock wall in our chapel.

Swirl, oh no you d'nt. Did you get me that hair thing that Garrett said I needed? huh? huh? huh?


I lub my friends.

Martha said...

Did you get the pants yet? We didn't get ours yet either, but I thought things shipped way faster if it didn't have to be flown over an ocean.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

School lunches are the root of all evil. I hate packing them.

BTW - Your blog badge got deactivated. Now there's a big ole spot on my site that says deframps photobucket account has been inactive for over 90 days. Say it ain't so Crash?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No, I didn't get the pants yet. ;(

Eeek, Andrea. I fixed it. Hope it worked for you.

April said...

Crash has been a busy little bee.... either you assimilating quickly or you need an intervention!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yes, I have been a little busy bee. An itchy b too. I've been writing an essay for a contest. Due tonight by midnight. Plus it's my twins birthday today.

I will post tomorrow, peeps!

Happy Labor Day!

Did anyone else wake up with a flag on their lawn like I did?

Is that a Utah thing?

April said...

It's a Utah thing! I have one on my lawn too! :) Good luck on your essay. Happy birthday to the twins and by the time you are done you should have lots of honey for your food storage!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said... does being the new girl make u less busy? Because I need to be less busy!

Btw...I'd kill for that lunch right now...

I'd like to sleep my life away! Nobody believes me...they just laugh and think I'm trying to be funny! But I'm NOT! Can't a girl want to grow up and just sleep her life away?

I can't tell if the transition is hard or bearable? Either way...lub ya!

I need to chat with ya sometime! So next time you r on google (gmail) chat I'm hitting u up! :)