I don't know why I've been given this special power, but yesterday I was at Macey's when I heard a friendly, almost pleading, voice come over the loud speaker. He was asking the customers to come to the front of the store and get a coupon. Of course, I'm nothing if not obedient so I went to get my coupon. Alls I had to do was buy two boxes of cereal for $1.69 then I could get $2 off a gallon of milk. But a gallon of milk only costs $1.59.
Am I dumb or is Maceys dumb? $1.59 is less than $2.00, right?
The cashier gave me 41 cents for taking a gallon of milk off their hands.
That's dumb, right?
Dumb people see me too. Especially when I'm driving to Salt Lake City. You know dumb people see you when they wave at you. With one finger.
I personally get a little overwhelmed by all the lane choices. I'm just not used to so many choices. I usually try to drive in the lane but not of the lane, but apparently that's not the way they do things in Utah. In Utah you don't ride the fence. You don't blur the lines. You pick a lane and you don't waver from it.
A word of advice: When driving in Utah don't hug the slow lane because #1, my mom will tell you you're driving too slow, and #2, the slow lane is the exit lane. You might accidentally take every exit from Salt Lake City to Lehi.
But then you might get smart and move over to the fast lane.
But then you might get dumb again and miss your own exit.
I see dumb movies too. In fact last night I saw Mama Mia.
Am I dumb or is the rest of the world dumb? How is the name of helk and tamnation did Mama Mia get to be the best selling DVD of all time? Are people using the DVD to run over in their driveway as part of their anger management?
Sorry Sandi, and the rest of the world. I know you all hate me now, but I need to say what I need to say. Mama Mia is THEE dumbest movie (besides Cry Baby) on the face of the earth!
If I were a teenager in Hawaii I would say that movie is irrits! (urban dictionary definition: shortened version of irritation: feelings of irritation,a scratchy annoyance, like mild diarrea.)
If I was a teenager in Utah I would say that movie is LAME SAUCE: (urban dictionary definition: a description of how incredibly hard something sucks.)
The Broadway musical was LAME SAUCE too, but I thought the movie might be better.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a huge ABBA fan. Danced to their albums in my living room over and over as a pre-teen, but I guess I didn't do it enough to think "hmmmm . . . maybe I could string these songs together and create a plotline that sucks so incredibly hard not even David Hasselhoff could save it."
Meryl Streep couldn't even save it! What the what, Meryl? You cannot sing, and you're too classy to act like an ADHD tramp(oline).
Was that rude?
Bless her heart! I'm just sayin'
I also see rude people. Especially at my daughter's soccer games. Yesterday, some dude insulted my daughter OUT LOUD after she missed a goal. I was like DUDE, I'm right here! Within ear shot! Don't you have any manners, dude? Don't you know that's the NEW girl. The girl who just moved 3,000 miles away from her comfort zone, where she was lubbed and respected. That's right, dude, she's the NEW girl. The one who just moved here from Hawaii, where people get all up in your grill and talk back when you insult their daughters. They're itchy in Hawaii. And sometimes itchy with a B. It's not all aloha and sunshine in Hawaii, dude! If you mess with their Ohana, they speak Kung Fu Panda.
DUDE, DON'T MESS WITH MY OHANA!
I think I'm going to be itchy with a B in my next life.
Oh wait, this is my next life.