Friday, September 18, 2009

Trailer Trash

I've been spending way too much time with my stuff lately. (Talk about high maintenance!) Sooooo demanding, my stuff.  Everything is vying for my attention--my old stuff and my new stuff. Even my borrowed stuff and my blue stuff wants a piece of me. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see my stuff again, it's just that it's all a bit insecure after the separation. Especially my bed. Every time I try to get anything done, my bed is like, "DON'T go! Don't leave me again.  Pretty pleeeeease!  Just five more minutes."  

My bed is not easy to say no to either because it's so firm.  Yet gentle.  It doesn't give me any attitude like some beds I know.  In fact, don't think I'm easy breezy, but we've been sleeping together every night since it arrived.  

You still respect me, right?  FTR, I am totally committed to my bed till death do us part (even though I sleep around occasionally.)

But enuff about my stuff! Let's talk about my mom.  

Today my mom came over to bring me some tomatoes from her garden and to tell me that TAMNIT, she is finally going to follow her dream!!!

"I'm listening," I said.  And I was.  

"I want to live in a trailer," she announced. 

Me, I dream about world peace, and that one day all Utah Mormons will be able to make eye contact at church, but my mom dreams of living . . . in a trailer.  And not in a trailer down by the river.  She wants to live in a trailer PARK.  

Oh, excuse me--an RV PARK!  

In short, my mom wants to be trailer trash.  

This is not news to me.  She's been trying to get us to give her our blessing and agree to be trailer trash spawn for years.

It just so happens that my sister has a vacant trailer for my mom to move into.  (btw, if anyone ever needs to make their dreams come true, (or a cool place to live), I can totally hook you up with my sister.) 

(And if you need a pedicure I can hook you up with her hub.)

So my mom and I went to my sister's so we could check out her trailer, and I am pretty sure that trailer is charmed because we sat in it for two straight hours just talking and laughing and talking some more before my sister finally broke into her daughter's piggy bank and took us to Zupas for some lobster bisque and chocolate covered strawberries.

Not only does my sister know how to make dreams come true and pay for lobster bisque with $1 bills, she remembers every hee-hee-larious thing that ever happened to us when we were kids.  

I'm seriously going to have to start a series of trailer trash stories for your reading pleasure. 

Story #1 will be about our guinea pig named Popeye?  

And fo' real, the reason it was named Popeye had nothing to do with spinach or olive oil and everything to do with the time our dog squeezed it's face until it's eye balls popped right out of it's head.  I kid not.  My mom had only $10 to her name but she declared that no guinea pig of hers would have to go through life with it's eyeballs dangling by a thread so she rushed him to the vet who promptly popped Popeye's little eyeballs back into their little sockets.  

And here's the tear jerker.  He only charged $10! 

How's that for a trailer trash?  

There's plenty more where that came from, baby!


IWA (e - va) said...

Aww... That was awesome!

IWA (e - va) said...

Hah.. I did get first! where the heck is sandi and chief? they have been beating me to the punch every time....... and the best part.. i read it all.... almost started the waterworks.. and then saw that no one else commented! yay!

but really... I love that your mom WANTS to be trailer park trash... i think she was meant to live here in hawaii... if you know what i mean? so when you move back.. bring her with you.. and let her live out her dream with all the other hawaiians on the beaches!

IWA (e - va) said...

The Popeye story...Kinda gross, until you get to the warm fuzzy part! awesome!

Did I ever tell you that i had a ghetto girl song for you? after your last ghetto girl posting... i found it and thought of you... this post made me think of you and that song again!

PS. Im looking for another bed to cheat with... Mine sucks!

Martha said...

Hey, that was pretty funny. I'm not sure, but you may be getting better. Maybe it's cuz I am SUPER MAD right now so it's good you cheered me up.

Do you want to know why I'm SUPER MAD? Well, the tennis league denied my appeal.

After all I try to do to stick a tennis team together for these dang kids and they say "DENIED".

First I lose my best friend and her hub and my co coach and their 4 tennis playing kids and spend hours recruiting kids to take their place (which no one can, by the way). I get these new kids who have never picked up a racquet before and spend all my time trying to teach them how to play in time for our first match, which is Sat. All the while, neglecting my own kids who already know how to play. And....BYU still hasn't given us approval to use the courts and I asked a month ago--whatever.

So here's the problem: Jimmy won 4 out of 5 matches last year so they want him to move up a level. Well, the reason he won was because his partners were good. The problem is we don't have that level we only have 3.0 (14)'s.

He's 10 and they want him to play with 14 year olds? Good one. The kid sits by the fence for half of practice because he doesn't feel like playing. Tell Al I'm mad at him again for leaving.

Anyway I told the league commissioner "forget it, I quit." Then, I said, Ok I don't quit, but please reconsider.

The only thing that is good is I got super cute shirts for the team this year at guess where???? Yep, for $2.70 each.

kasey ferrell said...

oh my goodness that story just made my day. what a good mother to not let your pet have its eyeballs hanging out of its head. I think that is a testimony building story that should be shared when you talk in church it was very warm and fuzzy. Three more months its going by faster! yay

I am LoW said...


We have a guinea pig. What is their life expectancy? Anyone?? Cause if I had known they stick around this long.....

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Low, we just got ours 3 months ago and already I am wondering if poisoning it would qualify me for the worst mother ever award. Talk about high maintance. Sheesh.

I really need to post about the guinea pig.

Loved your story Crash. Glad you are having so much fun with your family, it is after all a big part of why you moved, so glad it is working out like you thought it would.

Stephen said...

That was definitely one of your best. Very creative! It also gave me news to what is going on with my mom. I talked to her yesterday and none of this was even mentioned. Do you think she is embarrassed to tell me or just embarrassed she had me? haha

Melanie J said...

I'm too distracted to comment by visions of eyeball-less guinea pigs.

April said...

Ewwwww....all of my senses are at work on this one. The guinea pig squeaking and squealing while its eyeballs are dangling. Do you think it could still see while its eyeballs were dangling?

What was Popeye's name previous to his near blindness experience?

And can I say that I am so sad for you Martha. It is breaking my heart to see how much you miss Crash (or Crash's hubby, as Sandi would insinuate). hehehe!

Chris said...

That's how one of my moms lives too. She seems to like it. It gives her freedom.

Loveed the guinea pig story even though I really wished I hadn't been munching on gummy bears (or anything squishy or of eyeball texture) at the time.

Sandi said...

Whoa there girlies, why do I see my name being taken in vain in Crash's comment box?
I am loving this whole post...KK is right, you could SO use that popeye story in church- surely your mom had just paid her last cent in tithing and happened to find 10 bucks in the trunk of the car or something too..right?
I am confused at your statement that mormons don't make eye contact at church...explain.

Rachel Sue said...

That is the most disgusting, yet hilarious pet story I think I have ever heard. . .

Anjeny said...

Sandi...I'm sure Crash is referring to Utard Mormons because the rock island dweller Mormons make so much eye contact you're always wondering if you have crab on your face or something...ahahahah.

Ok Crash, that is one disgusting image you just painted there of your pet although your mom is sooo cute for wanting to be a trailer trash..LOL.

Martha, I'm sorry to hear the tennis league denied your request. That sucks and I do hope they know what a mistake they're making denying your request like that. They're not going to find anyone who's willing to go the distance for the kids like you do.

April...I am soo laughing at your curious mind...ahahah.

As always Crash, I love the post, just what the doctor ordered, not that I'm needing a doctor, mind

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aw shucks, Martha! ((HUGS)). I'm so mad with you about the denial. What the what? Is it because you did so stinkin' well last year? One thing I learned from you (and Colleen) is NEVER take NO for an answer! That is an invaluable lesson that I, of all people, needed to learn. Something is fishy about that? I too am sorry that we moved and screwed up up your year.

Shame on us!

LY!! and MY!!

Anjeny is right. (ALOHA, ANJENY!) At church in Hawaii you gets hugs in the hallway. Here I'm finding it hard to get anyone's attention at all. It's not that they are being rude, it's just that they are preoccupied, maybe. Or maybe not. I don't know. Maybe they are meditating. Everyone is super nice when they're not at church.

Iwa, my mom did come live in Hawaii for a year or two. She was a student and she lubs Hawaii. She is grieving that we moved. ha ha

She is such a silly goose with her trailer dreams. We finally decided to just let her have at it until she gets it out of her system. She plans on being trailer trash for a month to see how it goes. ha ha

You can bet I'm going to make the most of it on my blog. ha ha

I have no idea about the life expectancy of a guinea pig. Alls I know is that you can poke their eyes out for free and then pop them back in for $10 bucks.

Kasey and Sandi, LOLOLOL about the Sacrament meeting talk. I have to speak next week, should I capitalize on it? ha ha I love the tithing addition. Even if it didn't happen that way I will add it because it's more inspiring like that.

hee hee hee

Ha ha ha ha that Chris was eating gummy bears when she read this post.

Martha said...

So do they do sacrament meeting like they do here and invite the whole fam damily up to speak? Or are you the only one speaking?

Dolly said...

I totally don't blame your mom for wanting to live in an RV park in Utah. I just did the RV park all summer and it really adds character and excitement to the otherwise squeaky clean Utah suburban housing alternative. You all know what I mean cuz we just saw picture proof of it in the CTDD's last two posts..... Perfectly manicured lawns and polished wood floors. So boring!

Bet the people in your ward, when you live in the RV park boundaries make eye contact at church. How much do you wanna bet?

Jillybean said...

How far is your mom going to take this trailer trash thing?
Will your mom be putting a 78 camaro on blocks in front of her trailer?
Will she get a mullet haircut?
Will she be wearing a black bra with a white tank top?
I'm pretty sure she needs an old couch in the front yard too.

My cousin's daughter had a similar eye popping experience with the neighbor's lizzard, which she accidentally stepped on. Unfortunately, they weren't able to put the poor lizzard back together. Something about not enough useable parts left over.

I am also confused with the lack of eye contact during church. I think this might just be a Happy Valley thing.

Sandi said...

once again i find Jillybean very amusing. maybe i should go check out her blog?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Martha, YEP, the whole famdamily will be speaking.

Hee hee Dolly, you crack me up. HEY! How are you anyway? How was your trip back to Saudi? May you adjust without skipping a beat! And may you sneak out of SS to read the Crash Test Dummy.

Jilly, Sandi is right, you are heelarious. And you seem to know a whole lot about trailer park living. I don't think my mom will take it to that extreme. I think she's just a wanna-be trailer trash. I hope it doesn't take her too long to remember who she is and what she stands for. ;)

Maybe the eye contact thing is a new people thing.

Sandi said...

I am going to have to really pay attention at church tomorrow and see if AZ mormons make eye contact. I'm really curious now--except it might not be the same since I'm not new in the ward. Maybe I will go visit another ward and see. I will keep you posted. haha.
Good luck on the talks!

SWIRL said...

Crash-- too too funny!Where do I start..
um.. about guinea pigs.. the life expectancy goes down drastically if you leave them in their outside hutch during the summer..

one of our died-- i guess it was too hot? Oreo--the boys were/are sooooooo BlackJack is now an inside guinea pig being pampered and spoiled. and stinking up our living/dining/entertaining/office room... (sometimes I think it is HOTTER inside than out..but what can you do?? the kids don't want to loose another one.)

Crash- if you want to make eye contact with friends at church-- check your stink-eye out. Maybe they are like cats... you can't look at them directly.. just rub up against them and see if they warm up to you.