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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Be careful what you ask for. (And how many times you ask for it!)

I didn't sleep on Friday night because I was super busy texting the universe.

I can't stand texting (ever since I dropped my qwerty keyboard in the toilet at my daughter's soccer game) but I did it anyway because I was so worried about my three sons freezing to death at the Klondike Derby, which is another name for slumber party in the snow for scouts.

I only had one teensy request of the universe: PLEASE KEEP MY BOYS WARM! But I had to keep pushing RESEND because the universe never texted back--probably doesn't have a qwerty keyboard either--I totally get that, but still . . . when snowflakes the size of nickels are dropping like that great slot machine in the sky just hit the jackpot, and your three sons are NOT snug as a bug in a rug under your wing, you get a little trigger happy.

Particularly if your world looks like this:



However, I think I may have inadvertently, kinda sorta . . . how should I say this . . . irritated the universe.

Ticked it off, so to speak.

When my boys arrived home I said, "Didya stay warm? Didya? Didya? Didya?

That's when my 13 year old showed me his hands.


And his legs.




Not only had he stayed warm, he had been cooked. literally! Slow cooked, like a Kalua pig in an underground Imu.

He'd been smoked.

The scouts had done the ole' rock/tinfoil/heater trick--the one where you warm a rock up in the fire, then wrap it in tinfoil, then wrap it again in a towel and VIOLA, it's a home-made heater.

All the other scout's homemade heaters worked like a charm because their mothers refrained from texting the universe over and over and over, but my boy's homemade heater just kept getting hotter and hotter and hotter and hotter.

It burned through the towel, two sleeping bags and the ground cover.

It burned his little buns too, but I'm not at liberty to post photographic evidence of his cherry cheeks, so you'll have to take my word for it.

When we got my boy home he immediately jumped in the tub and started scrubbing.


But his fingers still looked like smoked sausages.


On the upside, he now smells just like a luau.

On the downside, I keep wanting to roll him in sea salt and smother him in poi.


Anyways, there's a lesson here. There's a definite lesson here:

We really need to get the universe a qwerty keyboard.

20 comments:

IWA (e - va) said...

Love it! Try him with cabbage too! (I had that on Friday)

But actually thats kind of scary! Are they burns? do they hurt?

IWA (e - va) said...

haha first!

another benefit of having chruch at 2pm in the after noon.. my kids get me up at 6am.. and i have all the timein the world to sit and read blogs!

IWA (e - va) said...

well at least those werent lava rocks stolen from hawaii? or were they? man you have really been tempting the universe!

Paily said...

You are one funny woman. You totally rock my knee-highs. I think in another life we would have been the best of friends. Thanks for the laughs!

April said...

It almost looks like he got into the fake tan. Yowza! I think the universe needs to upgrade to a qwerty keyboard.

The Garden of Egan said...

Mercy! In the future you really should refrain from texting the universe because I think the universe knows what it's doing.
It doesn't need the qwerty keys.
It created the qwerty keys.

Now you have sausage fingers boy.

I've never heard of the tinfoil trick except in dinners...that you plan on eating. Not scouts that you didn't intend to eat.

DeNae said...

You have to promise me you won't go back and change this, because it is so funny and so YOU I'm choosing to believe you did it on purpose:

When you said "VIOLA" instead of "Voila", I laughed right out loud.

I'm going to start saying that, in RL. "Just pour a little cocoa in with the powdered sugar, add cream cheese, whip, and, VIOLA! Frosting!"

Love it!!

(Oh, and I'm sorry your boys came home as scout flambe. I know people who pay good money to tanning booths to look like that, you know.)

Sandi said...

holy crap! why is that kid smiling? that looks like it hurts. who ever thought up this klondike nonsense should be shot. and that, is why i have only daughters- none of that scouting insanity for me!
p.s. i hope you can refrain from snacking on the poor thing..those luau smells can be quite tempting.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha DeNae. VIOLA! I do have a fondness for Shakespeare and a soft spot for dyslexics.

I hope you do start a dyslexic shakespearian trend in R.S. and I hope it spreads like wild fire throughout the church. BTW, I got your email and will be reading and replying tomorrow. THANK YOU FOR SHARING, you silly lamaze breathing goose.

Sandi, it really did give me a flashback. All of their gear smelled like the pcc luau. And my stomach did start growling during sacrament because I was sitting right next to him.

I LUB CABBAGE SO MUCH, IWA! And no way would I ever steal lava rocks. Are you crazy?

Paily, how sweet. So glad I rock your knee highs because I really don't LUB knee highs. Can't wait to be best friends in another life.

April, it looks exactly like he forgot to wash his hands after using too much bottled sun.

Egan, I never thought of that. That kinda reminded me of the time I told my grandma that I wished my dad had lived to see Lord of the Rings and all this amazing technology. She laughed and said "Oh, dummy, he's seen much grander in heaven, I'm sure."

Tiffany said...

Holy cow universe. That is one cruel trick.

I thought sunless tanner too. The fact that he was actually roasted is so crazy I am having a hard time believing it. Really. Now I know you dont lie and that is why this story is so freaking amazing. Kooked kids at the Klondike. Krazy.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am pretty sure scouting is part of some satanic plan to drive mothers to drink. Just sayin.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Mmm, sausage. Sorry was that the wrong thought?

I hate cub/boys scouts. Seriously can't stand the stuff. I think they've lost their minds. Now if they sold the cookies...I'd so be on board with it.

WV- fanist - he could have used a fan for that tan!

Just SO said...

Wow! That is some crazy stuff. I hope you were able to refrain from taking a bite out of him.

Martha said...

That is so bazaar. Nan just called with a sore throat so I better go pick the baby up.

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

WOW!!!! How do you get your kids to willingly take pictures to post on your blog?!

I am SO jealous!

Kim said...

Hey Neighbor-- ran into your blog-- very fun. Now I know why your son looked like he had jaundice. Maybe he could wear a sticker around that says "I'm not sick. Just yellow."

Kim said...

Can't wait to read the Sponge Bob profiling of the ward-- I've lived here for 11 years-- it's awesome to hear a newcomer's point of view on our quirks!

Martha said...

Do you get BYUTV? Because the BYU Hawaii's home bball games are on there. Of course, they will start at like 10:30 pm your time.

You should've seen the game on Sat. Unreal ending. We beat HPU with .1 of a second left. Then there was a dogpile of players on the floor.

Anyway they play Chaminade on Friday so look for it.

Martha said...

Well I just looked at the bball schedule for you and it looks like they are not doing Chaminade's game, but they are televising all these:

BYU Television

February 1 @ 10:30 PM Notre Dame De Namur Vs. Byu-H (2/1/10)
February 3 @ 10:30 PM Academy Of Art Vs. Byu-H (2/3/10)
February 6 @ 10:30 PM Dominican Vs. Byu-H (2/6/10)
February 12 @ 10:30 PM Chaminade Vs. Byu-H (2/12/10)
February 16 @ 10:30 PM Grand Canyon Vs. Byu-H (2/16/10)
February 18 @ 10:30 PM Dixie State Vs. Byu-H (2/18/10)
February 25 @ 10:30 PM Uh-Hilo Vs. Byu-H (2/25/10)

Because you are Seasider's for Life!!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Martha, Mahalo! I will write those dates into my planner (I have a planner now that I'm Utarded) right now. So excited.

OF COURSE I'M A SEASIDER FOR LIFE!

I like the sound of that right about now.