Virtual Reality Bites!

The #1 thing about selling oranges, besides becoming rich and famous, and meeting interesting people, is that when you're in the check-out line at Target, your boys pull out their own wallets and pay for their own new shoes.

And when they say, "Can I buy some Tic Tacs too?" you throw your hands in the air like you just don't care.

For those of you who keep asking why in the world we are selling oranges, at first we thought it was to teach our kids how to work--they were raised in the shadow of the sand and surf and have never been taught that reality bites--but when we came across some academic research by a BYU professor who discovered that citrus smells make you behave more virtuously, we realized that not only are we teaching our children that reality bites, we are also doing our part to make the world a more virtuous place to live.

Even more recently we have realized that selling oranges promotes staying in school like babysitting promotes birth control. Three birds--one stone. 

It's a no-brainer.

So guess what I bought at Target while my boys were buying their very own shoes with their very own money? 

An ocean waves CD.

It's labeled easy listening, but it's actually hard listening (although it probably didn't help that I pumped up the volume full jam then started running for my life because I thought a Tsunami was coming).

An ocean waves CD is especially hard listening if you just spent the better part of 13 years living a few blocks from temple beach on the pristine North Shore of Oahu, but are now looking through your open blinds at London fog. 

London fog is so much more romantic when you're actually in London, btw.

I actually caught myself quoting Shakespeare: The time is out of joint--oh, cursed spite.

But the space was out of joint too--the waves jolted me back in time, but not in space.

Worst of all, the waves were out of joint. These were NOT North Shore waves. North Shore waves are accompanied by coo-ing doves, rascally trade winds and flirty palm trees.  And the reassuring sound of my x-door neighbor, Martha, yelling at her kids.

(Speaking of which, last week I yelled at my kids and NO JOKE guess what popped into my head? I hope Martha didn't hear that.)

Here's the kicker! These CD waves were accompanied by seagulls.

UHEM! THERE ARE NO SEAGULLS IN HAWAII!

It all goes to show that just virtual reality bites too. I might as well have been stretched out in a tanning bed staring at beachy wall paper. 

When my twins came up for breakfast I asked them if they noticed anything different. 

They shook their heads. Then about 10 minutes later one of them said, "what is that noise?"

"It's ocean waves," I said.

"Oh," he said. "I thought it was traffic."

Hmph. 

Maybe they've been selling oranges for too long.