Honest to Pete, I'll never understand teenagers.
When I dropped my daughter off at the high school today for basketball practice, there were several teenage girls traipsing about in shorts and t-shirts. Not just any shorts, either--shorty shorts--itty bitty teeny weeny shorty shorts.
Oh my brrrrr, it was 32 degrees, for garsh sakes!
Some of these girls were jogging, which is dumb enough, but some of them weren't. In fact one of them was standing by her car wearing stiletto heels. With socks. Almost everything else was bare, except her little bum. It was an LOL moment. And believe me, I DID LOL! Twice. I rolled my window down and LOL'd at the top of my lungs as I drove past the little weirdie with the warm toes.
And then there was a boy walking slowly across the parking lot. Not your typical 50-yard dash to the car. He was more meandering, I would say--almost swaggering--as if he were walking down Santa Monica Boulevard in August. No shirt. No shoes.
No service, dude.
(That's what she said.)
But enough about the nearly nudies. I don't want to talk about nudies today because this post is for the children. One child in particular. My youngest reader, Jimmy, who just so happens to be my x-door neighbor, Martha's son. He's in fifth grade and he's been reading my private diary for his homework.
NO PRESSURE, eh?
Not only do I need to be entertaining, I also need to be a good example. Try that on for size.
Plus, since it's homework, I should probably teach some sort of lesson, right?
Okay, this lesson is for you, Jimmy!
Stay in school!
And DON'T DO DRUGS!
And remember who you are and what you stand for--most importantly the National Anthem. Always stand for the National Anthem. You should also stand whenever the prophet or the Queen enters a room.
Remember what you sit for too. Always sit for dinner. Never eat while standing, unless you want to give yourself heartburn and a nervous condition.
Keep the sabbath day holy. Unless you're out of milk or eggs, in which case run to the nearest Walmart, but make sure you do self-checkout so you don't have to make anyone work on Sunday.
And last, but not least, never wear stilettos with socks!
Okay, there's your lesson for the day, Jimmy!
(Now, STOP snooping around in my private diary, will ya!)