Thursday, January 7, 2010

True Confessions

Okay, I lied.  I didn't really have any revelations while my x-door neighbor, Martha was here. But you know how sometimes you're telling a story and you start feeling peer pressure to add a revelation because everyone and their dogs have had one but you, plus every story is just so much more credible if it's backed up by a revelation.

To be completely honest, I don't think Mr. Depp will ever be out of job. 

And I don't really need glasses either. 

My camera needs glasses, but I still have 20/20 vision. Thank you everyone for sharing your own opthomological challenges though. I lub listening to all of your weaknesses even though I can't relate. One of my strengths is listening and empathizing on the outside, while thinking "what the what?" on the inside.   

It's a gift. 

And finally, two and a half weeks isn't really too long for Martha to be away from her hub. 

Here's the real story behind the controversial photos that have sealed my reputation as an evil plotress, even though I was just trying to sound spiritual: 

We threw our last partay of the season on Saturday night and we invited Martha, her kids and our old friends from the hood, the Ludlows. 

There were no revelations, only food and basketball. (YAWN!) 

Just like back in the townhouse dayz/daze. 

There was no controversy, (YAWN) only me and my self-timer issues. 

My camera not only needs glasses, it's also trigger happy. 

There were mistakes along the way as we strove for photographic perfection. 

But we eventually got the shot.  

(Sorry I'm not as open-blinded in this photo as I usually am.)

There's a moral to this post.  Don't believe everything you hear.  Or see.  

Or read.  

I just about got scammed by some guy named marsdragonknight who sent me an email saying he had just quit his job to work full time on-line.  He made $900 in the first few days of working and he credited the amazing Gogle for helping him get started.  I wouldn't have been sucked in except that I got another email from some chick named joy_diva who said that she also quit her job to work for Googlee and she made $905 in the first few days. 

My goal was to make $910 in the first few days, but I should have Gogled it (or Googleed) it first.

hee hee  

Oh, peeps, I'm not as gullible as I look. 

And neither are you!  

Am I right, or am I right? 



Sandi said...

I knew you were pure evil. and I was right!

springrose said...

My new years eve was spent with our neighbor and her 3 kids plus my hub and our 5 kids. You could say there were quite a few kids in our too small of a house! But we had fun painting toe nails and eating and playing computer games! And what is up with all the Google job scams? Seriously irk me! Don't know why they just do!
your word verification seriously was multual!!!

Mae Rae said...

You, my girl, are absolutely right! One thing about reading your blog, which I have been doing for months now, is that I have noticed your AWESOME sense of humor and sacarstic (which in not bad) wit. You keep going on the way you go and don't worry about those spammers. At least they think you need money and not sex.

T said...

and marsdragonknight sounds like such a reliable name... there goes my faith in humanity!

April said...

I put my faith in "my brother" from Nigeria. I didn't even know I had a brother there. Apparently he is royalty over there. Who knew? He said that all I had to do was send him $3000 and he would share an estate with me. I can't wait!

I don't have any visual challenges (when I wear my glasses) I just have to replace my non-functioning camera that decided to bite the dust. Did I mention that my laptop crashed too? Get it? It crashed? I didn't find it that funny when it happened. :(

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha I have a whole bunch of brothers in Nigeria that I didn't know about.

Verifier says ingsilai, which is pidgin for it's a lie!

Sandi said...

OK, so are you guys saying that I SHOULDN'T have sent money to Nigeria??????

Dolly said...

Speaking of Nigeria scams..... I sent a whole container of new household goods from Ikea and Target and my must have on hand books, a portable version of all the pictures in the church library to accompany lessons and a two year food supply of oatmeal, pinto beans, masa harina, olive oil, brownie mixes and dog food to Nigeria.

There is NO hyperbole in this statement. I don't stretch the truth for literary effect like some people do. My life is foh real made up of snippets like this.

Some people think I should write a blog. But some people now understand, after having moved recently, that it's impossible to both live this life AND write about it at the same time. If I remember enough of it, one of these days there may be a memoir.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Happy New Year chicca!! Ben's wedding was sooooooo beautiful. I wish more of our family could have been there but it was very special.
I'll post some pics soon.

I hope you had a beautiful Christmas with your fam.
xoxo Em

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

I am SO glad Johnny Depp is not going to be about of a job. After reading your post yesterday, I just couldn't stop thinking about that one. I thought "sure, Crash has cute kids and all but.... I really love JOhnny Depp"

Sure, he looks like he has hygiene issues, but....

I lub him.

Martha said...

You are so right. Thanks coming clean and being honest to save my reputation.

So I guess the new neighbors are staying because their container is here and they are unloading it before our eyes. The container is way huge too and no car it in. Where they are going to put all this stuff?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Girl friend you are so so so right I knew it all along. Martha you are killing me smalls. How hard to be in denial with a large container of good being unpacked. Kind of bursts that land of denial bubble you I would have been trying to live in if I were you. I am glad you all had so much fun together.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

So what you are saying is that college girl from Russia didn't REALLY want to be my bride!? That really is disappointing!

You guys look so fun!

The Garden of Egan said...

Well, Crash, just when I think you're gettin' all normal and surprise me again.
I would have thought you'd have wanted to make $940 the first day.

robin said...

I'm hurt that April didn't tell me we had a brother in Nigeria (did I spell that right... I don't have my glasses on... I can't find them). If I had known I had a brother and he needed money I would have sent him some... Yes... I am as gullible as I look. It's sad... so sad.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No robin, April is not sending money to your brother in Nigeria, he is sending money to April. All she has to do it send him her bank routing number so he can make the deposit.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Martha, their container is just now arriving? Didn't they live somewhere else in Laie for a while?

It's so true what Nutty says, even though the deal has been sealed, there still feels like hope that things MIGHT get back to normal soon. It's all so surreal. And then a moving van makes everything so final.

That was very poorly written, but I'm tired, so there!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly, what is the opposite of hyperbole? Hypobole? Mellobole?

If you live big, write small. As for me, I live small so I gotta write big.

YOU MUST write though, big or small.

Baby steps.

And good job on sending all that stuff to Nigeria. You da bomb!

Kritta22 said...

I'm so tired but had to read my Crash today!
I heart you bunches...thanks for coming clean. Do you need to talk to the Bishop abotu this?

just asking.


IWA (e - va) said...

What? You lied to us? (LOL!)

BTW.. I love your pidgin verfier.... I think it might also be part FOB!

Dolly said...

ha ha Crash. You are so funny and inspiring.

You know, I could replace you as the REAL CTD for scamming my own self into sending all that stuff to Nigeria. I thought I was going to live there for three years so I would need to make it "homey and livable".

I only stayed two and a half weeks and then I'm like, hey I can't do this. A few months later I showed up in your Laie 7th ward and well, got over it from there over the next year and a half.

How's that for small hypobole writing?

robin said...

Well I'm still hurt... what's his contact info so I can give him my bank routing info? :)

Did I mention I'm as gullible as I look?

Mariko said...

I'm sorry I've been a terrible blog friend. Mainly I just do nothing due to my condition.

But I am diggin' the beets. (get it?)

Maybe there are just too many schools in Utah and they exhausted all the native american and animal mascots.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Diggin' the beet! aha! (ba dum bum)

Ha ha about exhausting all the native american and animal mascots. When you're low on NA's and Animals, reach for the fruits and nuts.

Dolly, that was PERFECT! I'm so impressed. See, it ain't that hard to write small.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Kritta, heart you bunches too! ha ha about talking to the bishop.

Silly goose.