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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This message brought to you by the universe

The following post contains a secret that WILL change your life. (And make you go hmmmmm?)

I could charge for this post, but that's not the way I roll (unless of course you want to leave your Paypal password in my comment box).

This post, if applied correctly, will give you the secret to the key to the mystery that unlocks the power to INSTANTLY suppress the strongest, most uncontrollable, desire known to man.

The human cough.

Those of you who have been reading me for a while know that I am the keeper of many ancient Chinese secrets. But who knew that my hub had a few of his own Ancient Chinese secrets up his sleeve?

Not I. Until night before last. When my daughter couldn't sleep due to her inability to overcome her desire to cough and cough and cough and cough.

I did my best to suppress her desire with Calgon. When that didn't work, I tried Zicam, and piping hot chicken broth a la saimin noodles, and herbal tea spritzed with fresh California lemons and orange blossom honey. I even resorted to sitting at the foot of her bed and distracting her lungs by talking story about boys until 4 a.m.

Finally, and quite suddenly, my hub intervened by rolling over and calling out, "do we have any Vicks vapor rub?"

I answered in the affirmative.

"Rub it on her chest. And her feet. And then have her put on a pair of socks."

My hub is in the medical profession so I am accustomed to him uttering remedies like cold compresses and hot soaks and let's keep an eye on it, but I have never heard him utter the words Vicks vapor rub and socks in the same sentence. For this reason I was convinced he was either talking in his sleep or his body had been possessed by the ghost of Vicks vapor rub past.

"Make sure she wears socks," he called out again.

"Of course, dear," I called back as my daughter and I exchanged looks.

It wasn't Calgon, but within minutes my daughter had dropped off into a peaceful slumber, unbroken by a single cough until 11 a.m.

I KID NOT, Peeps! It is the craziest revelation a traditional medicinal man has ever received in the middle of the night.

Just in case it was a fluke I tried it the next morning on my hacking son.

It worked again! And then again before bed on the both of them!!!!!!

Ta da!

And then my youngest son crawled into our bed in the middle of the night because he couldn't suppress his desire to cough either. Right in our faces. Over and over and over again.

So I did what any self respecting, annoyed-as-helk supermom would do--I jumped into the nearest phone booth, grabbed a pair of socks and a bottle of Vicks and stopped that hacker dead in it's tracks.


I testify that this is true and that my hub does channel the universe in his sleep.

Ah men!

16 comments:

Sandi said...

All hail to the HUB

Sandi said...

p.s What the heck took him SO LONG??

Anjeny said...

I second Sandi!! On both counts, I mean. This is really going to come in handy today.

Martha said...

I'm a Vick's believer from way back, but never heard of the feet thing. So do you rub it all over the feet or just on the bottoms or what? and how much?

Jillybean said...

I had heard about this before, but haven't tried it.
I'm off to the Mart of Wal to buy some Vic's so that I can get some sleep tonight too.

Amanda said...

You've made a believer out of me! I've heard tales of Vicks on the feet, but I was skeptical. No more will I scoff at feet that smell of menthol, bring on the Vicks!

Of course, this would have been really helpful to know a bit sooner as my kids are finally well after 5 months of sickness. Better late than never, I guess.

Miranda said...

Oh I testify of this lovely "secret", too. It works EVERY time. Hallelujah!!

LiafromLaie said...

I love Vicks Vapor Rub! It helps me heaps when I feel a tickle in my throat or have a stuffed up nose. My grandma Vera though was a firm believer in the powers of Mentholatum. Ever watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Remember the dad's obsession with Windex as a cure all and end all? Well my grandma was that way with Mentholatum.

Mae Rae said...

cool remedy. My gramma always used vicks and i never bought it. i will need to grab me some of that.

Mary said...

All the Latinos I've met swear by that same remedy. Who would've thought that it actually worked!?!?

(I only say that because they also swear by taking a couple tequilas to solve any problem...)

IWA (e - va) said...

Ditto on what everybody else said about vick rub! BUT, I really think that it is an Ancient SAMOAN Secret!

I swear every samoan has told me the same thing about vicks when im sick! The first time my husband did the vicks-feet-sock thingy I thought he was nutso, but it worked!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my, you mean it's not an ancient Chinese secret channeled to my hub through the universe? It's a Samoan slash Latino slash my big fat greek wedding secret?

Why am I always the last to know anything?

I mean, why is MY HUB always the last to know?

Martha, I just did it on the bottoms. Not that much.

Amber Lynae said...

I do that for little pincess. I would put vick's baby rub on with her footie pj's and she could make it through the night on those occassions when she was coughing up her lungs.

The Wixom Zoo said...

My Grandma swears by this too! I thought she was bananas until I tried it (it made my feet a little tingley) and it worked. WOO-HOO for Grandma!

Jami said...

Dr. Vick has earned himself a spot in heaven and a place in my heart forever. His handy dandy lineament has saved us all on many an occasion.

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

I once read a teaspoon of honey was the remedy. I tried it and haven't coughed since. I declare it!!

But what I mean is, I haven't coughed since, so I haven't been able to try it again to make for certain.

But this cough was like, just an annoying, not really sick, dry sort of cough. A cold type of cough might be different.

Either way, I am storing this info for future use. And I'm suing if you are advertising falsely. :-D