Friday, November 20, 2009

An Ancient Chinese Secret Bedtime Story (in bed).

I think some of you may have gotten the impression that I don't want to do personal progress along with my young women.  

It's not that I don't want to. Of course I want to. But do I need to? That is the question.

It's always good to weigh your wants against your needs. At least that's what my hub always says. 

Frankly, I'm worried that I if I progress any more than I have in the past six months I might be translated.  And what good would I be to the young women if I were translated, huh? huh? huh? 
(Unless I were translated correctly.)

(Plus, the leaders don't get medallions anyway, so what's the point?)

Question: do you ever get the feeling you're being watched? 

Me neither, but sometimes I get the feeling that someone somewhere is trying to tell me something.  Via Richard Marx. 

Strangest thing ever. The other night Richard Marx came on the radio as soon as I started the car after my training meeting. He kept telling me over and over that he'd be right there waiting for me. I didn't think much of it--mostly because I was preoccupied with how many times I made out to that song during the 1980's.  

But then yesterday morning, as soon as I started my car, BAM, Richard Marx came on the radio again. This time he was telling me to hold onto the night.  

Either Richard Marx is trying to send me a message via the universe, or the universe is trying to send me a message via Richard Marx.

So I did what I always do when I'm trying to decode a message from the universe (or Richard Marx), I went out for Chinese food. The universe often speaks in ancient Chinese secrets and ancient Chinese secrets are often found in fortune cookies. 

(Plus, I LUB LUB LUB Chinese food.)

When I finished the all-you-can-eat egg drop soup and salad bar the waiter brought me my fortune cookie and I ripped it open.

Learn Chinese--Dry Cleaning, it said, and then there were a bunch of Chinese characters, which I think was probably the secret added ending: (in bed).

But why would Richard Marx want me to learn Chinese dry cleaning in bed? 

I ordered some take-out just to get another fortune cookie. 

This one said, Learn Chinese--Tomorrow. Once again the added secret ending was in Chinese.

On my way out I told the waiter that his fortune cookies were defective. 

"They're telling me to learn Chinese dry cleaning.  Tomorrow.  In bed," I said. 

He took my fortunes, turned them over and handed them back to me.  Then he muttered a few expletives in Chinese that sounded a lot like "dummy."

Apparently I was looking at the flip side of my fortune.  The side that advocates Chinese literacy.

The other side of my fortune said this:

1. You don't get out of life what you want, you get what you are (insert secret added ending in Chinese here).

2. Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten (and here).

Obviously these ancient Chinese secrets were written in New Zealand or Australia because Learnt is soooo down under.

So then I went to a Mongolian restaurant to get a more authentic ancient Chinese secret.

(BTW, The thing I love most about Chinese and Mongolian restaurants is that the employees aren't afraid to vacuum around your table while you're eating.)

This time my fortune said, Commitment is what turns a promise into reality.  

I've got major commitment issues, which stem from my abandonment issues, which stem from my lack of sleep issues. 

So I went home and took a nap. 

And I had a dream (if that's what the universe wants to call it (wink wink)). In my dream (wink wink) Richard Marx was vacuuming and dry cleaning.  Then suddenly he was in a red curly wig and he was singing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow in Chinese.  Then suddenly he turned and looked right at me with his piercing eyes. Closer and closer he moved towards me until I was afraid he might just lean down and make-out with me.  

But instead he poked my eyes out and said, "I told you to hold on to the night, dummy"  

And then in Chinese he added the secret ending.   

That's when it finally clicked for me.  All of my fortunes had one thing in common--the secret added ending.

The universe is trying to tell me to get more sleep.

(Either that or I need a new vacuum).  


Barbaloot said...

I love Chinese food quite a bit...but I have a growing anger against fortune cookies seeing as they are NEVER fortunes. They are sayings. Usually annoying ones. But the cookie tastes kinda good...

The Garden of Egan said...

I kinda had a hard time following your post cause it was still bouncing around in your head, but I finally made it!
All I can say is that Richard Marx is truer than the BeeGees.


Sandi said...

I think your hub has been sneaking into the radio and the fortune cookies and he wants your dumb butt to spend more time in bed!!woohooo! go hub!
for some reason this whole post reminded me of very wonderful classic movie "a christmas story" hahahahaha.. have a wonderful weekend and I hope you and April recover from the shock of the news of my own personal heroin/spidermonkey/vomit when I catch your scent/sparkliness adventure!! over and out.

Sandi said...

p.s. did Richard Marx in a red wig look anything like Suli in a red wig?
AND by the way....exactly how many times DID you make out in the 80's?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey guys, I just took a three hour nap. I followed the advice of the universe and it felt really good.

And Garden I my lack of sleep issues had something to do with your lack of following issues. ;) Thank you for your testimony. hee hee

Sandi, ha ha Oh my goodness. You understand every nuance. And I bet Richard Marx wearing a red wig had something to do with me seeing Suli wearing a red wig yesterday. I never thought of that. haha

I don't know how many times I made out in the 80's, but I was in my prime, girlfriend--I didn't get married until 89--so more than the 90's anyway.

Barb, you just burst my bubble. I hold onto my fortunes like the iron rod. Are you saying they're just cheesy sayings? Learning Chinese Dry Cleaning isn't my destiny?

Sandi, I laughed at your Christmas story comment because I almost used my Little Orphan Annie secret decoder pin to figure out what Richard Marx wanted.

MaeRae said...

Richard Marx is maybe telling you that YOU were the young one that needed the connection in the 80's-he's good for things like that.(and big hair)

April said...

LOL @ Sandi! I think I will crawl under my sheets and see what fortunes come to me. That is I will crawl under the laundry and then under my sheets...there, that isn't so nasty sounding now is it!

And i am off in the morning to see New Moon and give out freebies from my work at the showing. Should I include some fortune cookies and some bobble heads of Richard Marx?

Martha said...

You are seriously losing it.

Rachel is painting the front porch with your left over brown porch paint because she needs money to see the vampires tonight. The only way I can get that girl to work is if she's desperate for money..

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am feelin the comment pressure, because my comment yesterday was sooo heeelarious. How can I top that. Oh well. Never mind. I will just make a lame comment about how I love chineese food also. And I am always a fan of anything that leads to more sleep.

Anonymous said...

My last fortune from a fortune cookie just said, "Hallelujah". What do you think that's supposed to mean?

Melanie J said...

I hate to break this to you but it's not Richard Marx trying to talk to you. It's your radio sending the message and it's saying, "Stop listening to adult comtemporary radio stations. You aren't old enough for that yet." You're welcome.