Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Pride and the Prejudice

It's been 20 years since I've lived in Utah, but it's all coming back to me now--the pride and the prejudice. People here appear to be compliant and tolerant, but when the weather turns cold their true colors shine through. 

I hate to say it, but around here they discriminate against coats, hats, gloves and scarves.  

The more the temperature drops, the less clothing people wear.  

The first day my kids wore their new coats to school everyone pointed and laughed and called them marshmallows. 

They haven't worn their coats to school since.  

It makes me wonder sometimes if we're in one of Stanley Milgram's psychological experiments because not only do they not wear their coats anymore, they also don't wear their jeans. In fact, since it's now 30-40 degrees outside, they have reverted to shorts and t-shirts. 

And it's because everyone else has reverted to shorts and t-shirts too.  

Or less.

Today at Target I saw a lady in the parking lot wearing nothing but a spray tan and a spaghetti strap tank top.  

What's, uh, the dealio?

A few weeks ago I caught my son riding his bike to scouts in full uniform and . . . BARE FEET! 

I've also caught another son running down the street in the snow in his . . . SOCKS! 

And this is not because they are Hawaiian--I could understand that--this is because they are Utarded.  

It's gotten so bad that my kids now taunt and tease ME when I go outside with a pair of mittens and a scarf, or wear boots to church.  

"It's not THAT cold," they say, yet just a month ago they were saying, "It's freezing!"

I used to try to protect them and force them to bundle up, just like I used to force them to wear sunscreen in Hawaii, but you know what? You can't get skin cancer from frost bite so what's the point?

I came to this conclusion quite suddenly one day last week when I was getting my kids ready for school and found my son sitting at the fireplace tying his shoes . . . without a stitch of clothing on.  

Buck Naked! 

With Shoes! 

I wish I was joking because then I wouldn't have the image burned into my brain.  

I thought of giving him my usual lecture about how he should probably wear a jacket, but I just stood there, speechless.  And then I turned and walked away.  

Some lessons you have to learn on your own. 


April said...

I hope he's recovered from the sparks of the fire! Now that imaginary image is scorched on my retinas! Except it's my boys sitting in front of my imaginary fireplace.

Now I won't be able to concentrate on New Moon! GREAT! hehehe!

Momza said...

We moved to Colorado from Phoenix...I know whereof you speak...I saw my neighbor's daughter walking by the house one morning, wearing a t-shirt and flipflops--it was 19 degrees!
I yelled out the door,
Katie! where's your coat? What about some shoes?!"
She laughed, "Aww Sr, Anderson, it's okay."
It's been 10 years now, and my kids are the exact same way. I don't understand it.
Apparently, just old fogies have to worry about hypothermia.

April said...

Ohhh...and I was first!

April said...

Whew....just beat out Momza there! Nice to meet ya Momza! =)

kemarias said...

Can you say Naked as a Jay don't know the origin of this phrase. It seems to fit the scenario. No one knows the cold like the old bones..(smile)

The Garden of Egan said...

Wow! Hope his feet stayed warm.
This phenomena is not just for the Utarded......I'm seeing it before my own eyes at BYUI.........maybe those are Utarded BYUI students though. Maybe I'll have to hang out my car window while they are crossing outside the crosswalk and yell at them "hey are you Utarded?"

Kristina P. said...

My favorite is seeing 20 year old girls wearing tiny little skirts and sandals with no stockings, when there is 6 feet of snow outside.

Clearly, you won't be able to snag a man if you are wearing cute boots.

IWA (e - va) said...

Maybe they're confused because In & Out is coming to Orem! (i must say.... Im actually Jealous that you live there now!)

Im totally one that wore Slippers in the snow.... I was in denial!(and maybe a little Utarded!)

Martha said...

The thing that I am most afraid of when we come to Utah is freezing to death. We only have tennis shoes and slippers. What shoes do we wear to church?

The kids don't have coats or jeans or anything. Can we borrow the marshmellow ones since you're kids aren't wearing them?

When I was growing up in Indiana I remember freezing all winter especially at church. Our ward rented an old building and I swear the heating didn't work. I wore long underwear under my long knee socks. To seminary we used to wear snowmobile boats or our deerskin slippers.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

When it was -18 degrees (literally) outside in Park City, parents would send their kids to school in sweatshirts. That's it! Ummm, -18 calls for mittens, don't you think???

My husband, being from Provo, wears shorts when it's 30 degrees. New Englanders DO NOT do as the Utards do and they stare at him as if he is some sort of mentally ill alien. Here they put on full on puffy coats and mittens in the 50's!

Colleen said...

So here's Yo-E at the train station in Switzerland in September wearing shorts, and she said people were laughing and pointing. She had no Swiss change to go into a bathroom to change, and even the girl who was assigned to pick her up, saw only her cold bare white legs. It was so shocking to see someone dressed so "inappropriately" (in September, isn't that still summer?) that she didn't even look at her face and Y had to wait another two hours to get picked up. It makes me laugh to see all the big fur-lined sweaters here that people bundle up in when the weather hits 70.

Aren't you coming to Hawaii for Thanksgiving?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

HiGH FIVE New England ALyson!!! AMEN and AMEN. I lived in New York where people are prepared for the cold. I LOVED it. But then comfort is a priority to me.

Martha, YES, you can wear our coats and jeans. I actually bought an extra brand new down coat that is Garrett's size. Jimmy can wear it. Plus we have plenty of extra jackets. I kinda have a fettish about jackets for every occasion.

As far as church shoes? I bought tights for Tatum to wear with her dresses and she just wears regular shoes. She won't wear them of course. What size is Rachel?

Can't wait until you come.

I LUB LUB LUB all the stories. It is SO NICE to commiserate about this so I know I'm not CRAZY!

Garden, I'm shocked BYU-I is experiencing this same phenom. I've attended and that place is stinkin' COLD. Wind chill minus zero. And slippery.
I am going to go out on a limb and say that Utards are attending and influencing. It's all part of the Milgram experiment.

Sooooo Sandi and April, how was NEW MOON?? Huh? Huh? Huh? I'm anxiously awaiting the report.

Momza, I guess people are Utarded in Colorado too.

The Crash Test Dummy said...


ALOHA! Yes, we're coming. We want to make sure Truman doesn't have it too easy in the Turkey Trot. It's going to be a drag winning by a full lap this year. ;)

That is a funny story. Hee hee I love the image of Yo-E's bare white legs. LOL.

Hey we just heard the news that Tueller is going the History Day gang. I told Tatum to tell them to do THEIR BEST and win so we can meet you guys in New York and D.C.


P.S. I'm not really coming for Thanksgiving. Boo hoo

April said...

hahahaha!!! "My Eyes" just started playing!!! hahahaha!!!

And yes...New Moon was better than Twilight. Which does not say much. Now don't get me wrong. I enjoyed reading the books. They were an easy read but a movie can NEVER compare to a movie. And Kristen's acting drives me nuts, but with that said. For a teen flick it was fun. And Jacob is HOT! I can say that with all the confidence in the world that my hubby will never read this. =)

Sandi said...

April is right..about it all. Especially the Jacob statement. oh me oh my it is not right for me to be lookin at a 17 year old like that! haha. Had a blast with all the girls, got a good chuckle from all the CHEESE in the movie, and ate a big fat steak at 10 pm when we were done. All in all a good night :)
p.s. email me your address so I can send you a wedding announcement!

Sandi said...

p.s. I've GOT to know the ending to that nekkid boy in tennis shoes story!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

He got dressed and caught the bus to school.

The end.

Apparently he was waiting for something in the dryer and was never planning on going to school naked as a jaybird.

Still, it's disconcerting to see your son put the cart before the horse like that.

I better not say the wolfman is HOT or smokin' HOT because fo' sure my hub will read it and he will say "While I'm working my tail off all day, the dummy is looking at HOT guys. Tsk tsk."

Or my son with read it and say "MOM, that's SICK! That's DISGUSTING! You're a married woman!"

It has happened once before. When 5 city workers knocked on my door to ask if they could cut my trees. Actually they were perfectly posed on my front lawn like calendar models. I kid not. I thought I was being punked or that they were going to break out into YMCA or something.

My son tattled on me to my hub that I said they were HOT and all of the above was said.

But what I meant was they were HOT. It was, afterall, 90 degrees outside. I think they needed a tall glass of water.

So last night I asked my daughter if she wanted to go see New Moon with me. She turned up her nose and said. I don't want to see THAT movie. Then just five minutes ago she came racing into the house all smiles and out of breath saying she needed money because she was going to see the warewolf take his shirt off with her friends.


I need to come hang out and eat steak with Sandi and the girlz. April you can come too, but bring your book.

April said...

I'll see it again...if I must.... hehehe!

April said...

And I lub your story about your workers on your front lawn....I can say all of this stuff and my hubby won't even know....helk, I could say all this on my own blog and he wouldn't even know! Gad, I lub that man! Bless his heart. (I'm all out of Crashisms!)

OMGOSH!! wv says wofterie.....a french werewolf?

T said...

oooh - haven't seen the movie yet but I've watched the clip of wolf boy stripping down and transforming multiple times... per sitting...

A friend of mine said yesterday that she wanted to wash her laundry on his abs... I about DIED laughing... but it is an appealing thought... I think I'd start with clean laundry though - and just t-shirts maybe... don't want to be embarrassed by the mismatched socks and holey jeans :)

ummm... what I meant was that I'm glad your son got dressed before catching the bus - despite the cold there is a public decency law here in Utah :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha April, you forgot to say "just sayin" but you did a pretty good impression!

I can't believe my verifier gave you a French werewolf!!! How in touch is my verifier!?? It's almost freakish.

But not quite.

T, I like that idea too. About the laundry. But I would never say it here. Because it's sick and disgusting and I'm a married woman, for goodness sakes.

Sandi said... girl did the same thing to me, only I saw ahead and bought her a ticket to go with me even though she said she didn't want to. She only shushed me once during the whole movie. we bonded over the abs made for doing laundry on. how special. the end.
by the way- I just got back from chaperoning a stake that included in YOUR YW calling?

Mariko said...

That's ridiculous.
I wore my coat to the movie theater tonight.

val of the south said...

My niece in Alaska used to wear flip flops to school in the below freezing winters until they had a fire drill...she almost lost her toesies to frostbite. And she wasn't even Utarded.

My husband is the weird one wearing shorts, flip flops and his down vest in the snow...he's a Utarded ex-californian!

And my kids...totally paranoid about "puffy jackets" too - must be a common mistake amongst newly transplanted Utards.

April said...

Mariko....our movie theater was cold too!! What's that all about!

The Mom said...

Crash, you are my favorite author. If you wrote a book I would buy it. You make me laugh.

We talked about your twins over dinner tonight, when we were discussing the difference between fraternal and identical twins. Darcie says yours are DEFINITELY fraternal because they look NOTHING alike.

Amber Lynae said...

Maybe the less clothing is an attempt to show faith in God's ability to control whether. Maybe the Utards think that if they wear it long enough with enough zealous God will have pity on them and warm things up a little. And they are right... if they do it long enough it will become spring and then summer.