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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Our First Annual Holly Jolly Halloween in Utah

In Utah, Halloween is more than just a holiday, it's a way of life.  People eat, sleep, and breathe the creepiness here.  

Not judging! The average person consumes 57 spiders per year in their sleep anyway, right?  

I wonder if Utah leads the nation in that statistic as well as all the other statistics. (Is it just me, or does anyone else feel a We're number ONE! cheer coming on?)  

(Insert jazz hands and double pike hurkey kick here.) 
 
So yesterday we participated in our first ever trunk-or-treat in the church parking lot and you'll never believe what happened. 

The sun came out! It was 57 degrees and no one even had to wear a jacket.  My kids wore shorts and t-shirts.  And a bunch of bloody face paint (which I had nothing to do with) that made people cringe and look away on site.  

Utards have tough skin, but sensitive stomachs. (Maybe because we lead the nation in spider consumption.) In Hawaii my kids would have received a high five or a chest butt for looking this disgusting: 




But here people couldn't stop grossing out. 

Luckily my twins didn't look as disgusting for school on Friday: 




So the verdict is in: My daughter thinks trick-or-treating in Utah is pointless. But I guess when you dress like the above aforementioned, it can get pretty darn chilly once the sun goes down. Especially when you have to walk a hundred miles in between houses just to have people gag every time they lay eyes on you. 

The boys, however, very much enjoy making people gag.  And they figure if they have to walk a hundred miles in between houses it may as well be Donny Osmond's house, or the mayoral candidates house or my x-door neighbor, Martha's brother's house--houses that are serious about square footage.  

So we took our van down to the River Bottoms, because let's face it, people who are running for mayor make home-made root beer and mint truffle cocoa and give out free Vote for Pedro stickers.  

And people who live by Donny Osmond sit on their front porch and fry up 1,500 scones that taste better than Chuck-a-Rama scones. And even better, they give out the secret to great honey butter--marshmallow creme.  

You heard it here first, peeps! 

The very best part about our first Halloween in Utah was coming home and turning on the fireplace and snuggling up as a family to stuff ourselves silly and watch that magical movie, Australia

Oh, and hearing my thirteen year old tell me we were watching a bad movie after it dropped the "F" bomb.  

And then hearing me call him self righteous.  

And then hearing him say, self righteously, that it's good to be self righteous. 

And then hearing me poke his eyes out with a full size Snickers bar. 


(No one messes with magic movies in my home.)


19 comments:

Martha said...

You got a FULL SIZED Snicker's bar. You lucky duck! Did you really go to my bro's house? Do you even know who he is? He's way cool though, he would give out full size candy.

Your kids look super scary and the bruises look really real.

Our kids hauled it in last night. The Blums and our twins were scary rollerbladers so they could go five times as fast and get five times more candy. That's fine as long as they scare with me. Now it's fast Sunday. What temptation for the kids not to eat all their goodies.

Martha said...

I meant share their candy with me, not scare.

Jillybean said...

We really lucked out with the weather this year. Max didn't even wear a coat, although I forced him to wear his pajamas underneath his super suit.
You should have come trick or treating in our neighborhood. Our neighbors give out really good candy, so good, in fact that we have tons of people that come here from who knows where to get the big candy bars.
One of my kids got a full sized Snickers "Charged" It has caffeine in it.
The bruises and blood look quite real.
And I don't think I've ever eaten a spider when I was asleep........at least I hope I haven't.

Jami said...

Wow, that's some mighty realistic bleedin' and bruisin' goin' on with your kids. I'm impressed: it's MUCH harder to make fake bruises than real bruises. (They are fake, right?)

Margaret said...

Those are great costumes!!!

Heidi Ashworth said...

I agree, Australia was quite magical--some of the magic even had nothing to do with Hugh. How fun to have a festive holiday that was fallish and coolish and allowed cocoa drinking and snuggling in front of the fire. It was 72 at our house that night. What's up with that?

T said...

you evil Australia watcher you... (I loved that movie, F-bomb and all) wait, no - I meant of course that I loved it DESPITE the F bomb... ummm... okay, I'll stop digging my hole...

the lack of trunk or treating meant I had to hike a LOT for a minimal amount of candy around here... silly people who think we want to go back to the old way of doing things... I LIKE the quick and easy way!!!

Heather and Kyle said...

You guys did a lot for Halloween. We did nothing and we pit Ethan in pj's that said my first boo. We are not big fans of the holiday. The kids look great. Doesn't gross me out!!

The Wixom Zoo said...

Our bishop set up his fire pit on his driveway and roasted hot dogs for the trick-or-treaters that came his way. I lub my bishop.

Mariko said...

Are you worried that your kids are young enough to become real Utah people?

E told me that T covered her eyes in "The Hills Have Eyes", to which I said, "You watched that crap?"
We can be just as self-righteous over here, just not as eloquently.

April said...

Awwww....you're becoming more Utarded with each holiday! I love it!!!

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

St. Georgia doesn't like spooky either. Actually, St. Georgia believes that Halloween is the devils birthday.

Tell your son he can come live with me, that I won't poke him in the eye because I don't watch movies with bombs and so he won't have to say anything to me to get poked in the eye about. :)

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

(oh, and Halloween here was pushin' 90 degrees, peeps!!)

Ugh

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Martha, yes I know who your brother is! Isn't he the one who takes his square footage seriously? I remember meeting him when he came out. Was that him? Anyway, we went to every house looking for him and Donny Osmond. I'm sure he would have given out full size candy like all the other house down by the river bottoms. I kinda liked the "scare" their candy line better. ;)

Oh Jilly, I wish I could have seen Max. I LUB that kid. And you must live in a famous neighborhood too, where people run for political power.

I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS SUCH THING AS A SNICKERs "CHARGED" Kinda like Code Red Mountain Dew. How funny that someone actually gave them out for Halloween as if Chocolate alone wasn't going to make our kids hyper enough.

MISS HEIDI, thank you so much for the super cool Halloween card! You da bomb!

Jami, YES of course they are fake bruises. HA HA. I don't really kung fu panda kick my kids, or poke their eyes out. ;) (shhhhh don't tell)

In fact, HEATHER, it was your sis-in-law, the make-up artist who made them look like that.

Wixom, what an uber cool Bishop. It was a perfect day for a BBQ.

MARIKO and APRIL, I lubbed your comments. I couldn't sleep at all last night so I check my comment box at 2:30 am and it might my night. YES I am worried about that, Mariko. YES! But I don't think it's possible, right? They have their roots in Hawaii. Everything else is just leaves. And there are some really great, beautiful leaves to be grown. But thanks. It's comforting to know there is just as much self-righteousness there in Hawaii. I remember that now. ;)

April, that is my favorite line ever. UTARDED! I don't know why it strikes such a chord. hahahahahaha SO FUNNY! You will be seeing that line again. Maybe even as a headline.

Heather and Kyle said...

Bobbi did it? Wow. You will have to check out our blog in the next couple of days to see how Ethan was dressed up

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I had a Utard Halloween also. But I lub lub lub lubbed it because it meant that I was with all of my family and that has never happened before. The little kids were so cute together. It was awesome. But still everytime I go it kind of makes me more homesick to live closer to family. Dang I hate it when that happens.

wv: didschew, dids ya chew your candy?

nevadanista said...

Hahahahahaha! I can't stop laughing at your duaghter's picture :D That just made my day :) She doesn't look at all like she's too self-righteous for the ole f-bomb - or the crack pipe for that matter. Give her a high five a couple bong hits from me!

April said...

Were you up at 2:30 because you couldn't sleep? OR couldn't you sleep because you'd been skimming from the kids' Halloween candy? hmmm....I pick the latter!

MaeRae said...

Loved the kids bruises. They are the bomb. My boys would have loved something like that. I am no good with makeup! You will have to find the secret out to share the bruising color.