Monday, November 16, 2009

No one likes a frowny face

First of all, before I get to my post, can I just get something off my mind? 

I was stretching the truth when I said I have standards and that I only flirt with destiny. Sometimes I flirt with danger too.  And sometimes danger flirts back. Especially when I tease it in my fish net stockings and seven inch heels on a Friday the 13th. 

I think danger is a U of U fan because it didn't flirt with me until I was on my way to a BYU (Provo) basketball game. 

First, I almost got Kung Fu Panda kicked by a semi-truck on I-15. 

Then I almost got a Carl's Jr. french fry lodged in my wind pipe. 

Then I almost sang the Cougar fight song during half-time.

(They say close calls come in threes).

The BYU (Provo) basketball game was an appropriate Friday the 13th flashback.  The last time I attended a BYU (Provo) game was 20 years ago when my hub played point guard on the team--before Roger Reid told him (and the point other guard) that he had prayed and received revelation they should no longer be part of the team because his son Randy, who was also a point guard, was on his way home from his mission.

Have I ever told you this story?

Well then, pull up a chair and lend me your ears. (But cover them first because, if you haven't noticed, I like to drop names.)

My hub was recruited out of high school by Coach LaDell Anderson. 

Scholarships were offered and contracts were signed.  It was a done deal.  

My hub then followed the prescribed mission slash marriage blueprint for eternal salvation, but it wasn't long before he was awakened by the reality that the blueprint for celestial (fame and) glory isn't always (cougar) blue.  

The awakening began on our honeymoon when LaVell Edwards retired and Roger Reid became the new head coach. It wasn't a Friday the 13th, but it was bad luck for us anyhow--at least we thought so during our bitter voodoo doll stage. 

After the bitter voodoo doll stage we used to chuckle about it. 

"Maybe Roger Reid really did receive a revelation to renig your scholarship," I would say--usually while I was reapplying my sunscreen and digging my toes into the sand. 

"Maybe so," my hub would say in his hang-loose voice as he turned over on his swap meet beach towel to brown evenly on both sides. "They say Gad works in mysterious ways." 

Funny how one single revelation, when executed correctly, can knock your destiny onto it's Okole. It spun us, and three other BYU (Provo) basketball players, around and threw us for a loop.  

When we got back up we weren't in Kansas anymore. baby!  We were in Laie! And we were BYU-Hawaii Seasiders.  For life.  

And we liked it! 

Best revelation ever! 


But now we're back in Utah.  And yes, we have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad life, but gosh dangit, we're happy.  And we like it.  


Being miserable ain't the worst thing in the world. Especially when you live in the hap hap happiest place on earth.  

Disneyland, eat OUR dust!  

Utah is NUMBER ONE again! (hurkey kicks and cartwheels) In this recent article we top the list of happiest states. We're even happier than Hawaii, who got the silver medal in the happy olympics.  

Looks like I made a good move.  I've gone from happy to happier!

Wyoming got the bronze medal (not to be RUDE, but . . . bless their hearts . . . just sayin').

I have to admit it feels good to be happy.  But it feels even better to be happier than others.  I'm not a nani nani boo-er, but we are 12% happier than Kentucky and one of my best friends lives in Kentucky.  
You do the math.

According to the study, states who have "No one likes a frowny face" on their license plates are the happiest. 

Also states who have access to the most resources are happier than states who only have access to sun and sand and surf. I think this is where our access to porn, anti-depressants and prescription meds works in our favor.

I bet Utah leads the nation in access to superlatives too.   

I'll check into that and report tomorrow.



Lara said...

Roger Reid is a word I won't type here. This story just adds to the arsenal...especially knowing that he got fired from BYU for pulling something similar.

And, I'm pretty sure you mean LaDell Anderson, not LaVell Edwards who was the football coach. Pretty silly though that they had LaDell and LaVell...what is up with that?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee Lara, you're right! What is up with that? I better go change that. ha ha ha ha See how long it's been!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

If I was smart (dumb) I would have said that I had changed the names to protect the innocent.

Thank you, Lara!

Sandi said...

but we all know you are a dummy.

Melanie J said...

I guess it would be awfully hard to curse the fates or even Roger Reid if it leads to Hawaii. But I'm not a good person so I'd probably curse Roger Reid anyway.

Barbaloot said...

I remember going to games back in the Roger Reid days! I bet I would've liked 'em better had your husband been on the team then.

DeNae said...

Well I am just completely frosted by this story! It's all fine and good that your husband rallied and lived to fight another day, but speaking as a mom with three kids in college, a coach who revoked a scholarship just because he remembered his kid was on his way home from a mission would have me Fed-Exing a horse's head to his bed.

What is it with Mormons named "Reid"? We've got us a senator here in Nevada with that name who is 2nd on my horse's head list.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Denae you made me chuckle. Good job. Crash how did you know that I needed to read this today? I just got officially fired from my part time temporary job that I have had for 3 years because I came out of the closet to my gay boss that I don't beleive in
Gay Marriage. So I may be moving to Hawaii any day now. good to know.

Hey girl, get yourself over to my place so you can drool over my SYTYCD pictures. You won't want to miss them.

The Garden of Egan said...

Wow, you really are a name dropper!
Glad you are 12% happier than you were even though I can't imagine it. I have never been to the state of Hawaii-land that you lub, but I'm thinking you must be so dang happy cause you couldn't have been unhappy in the land of perpetual ocean beaches. I hope you are still happy and in lub with Utah when it's January.

Martha said...

I'm glad Roger had that revelation and you ended up in Hawaii.

I had a similar thing happen to me with the BYUP tennis coach. She made me lots of promises and didn't keep them so I came here and I'm glad.

Anjeny said...

I think Crash is happier in Utah cuz not only can she cut in front of people on the road while entering traffic but she can also stick her tall(middle) finger at them and they will will just give her a big ole smile, you know, just to keep in tune with the "no one likes a frowny face"...LOL.

I just love your revelation stories.

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

Wasn't it recently said that Utah was one of the UNhappiest states??? I am so confused..

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

By the way, there is a giveaway on my blog, and if nobody else enters, Anjeny will win. And although I'd love to have her win, if nobody else enters, I may not be asked to have another giveaway. :-/

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha LoW! That seems right to me too. I mean, it only makes sense if they use more anti-depressants than any other state in the nations. But it feels good to be happy now instead of depressed.

Anjeny, ha ha High five. But at least I smile when I cut in front of people and wave at them with my middle finger.

Martha, me too. That's weird about your BYUP story. I never knew that about you. I do remember you when you played tennis at BYUH. You were the big man on campus.

Garden, I'm twelve percent happier than my friend in Kentucky. But I'm only 1% happier than my friends in Hawaii. Sun and surf only goes so far. Eventually you need you some real addictions to make it through the day.

Nutty Hamster Chick, I'm so sorry about your three-year part time temporary job. Don't ever come out of the closet! Didn't your mother ever tell you that? At least you got yourself some awesome furniture.

Ha ha DeNae and Melanie J. I hear you. And believe me, we almost did Fed-Ex a horses head to Roger Reid. So ironic though. Today my son came home from school and told me that Brandon Reeves is going to BYUH to play on the basketball team.

Brandon is the son of Dave Reeves who also got his scholarship yanked the same year my hub did and went to play for BYU-Hawaii. Brandon was a baby at TVA during those early b-ball years. How very fitting that he is going full circle and playing there just like his dad. He's going on a mission first, of course.

It was kinda surreal to be at the BYUP game and see Tyler Haws playing. He is Marty Haws' son, who my hub played with at BYUP. And now my thirteen year old and Marty's thirteen year old play on the same team and are best friends.

Are we that old that we need to start watching the Lion King and singing The Circle of Life.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, LoW I'm entering. And Pat, I'm coming to see your photos.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I'd love Anjeny to win too, BUT, I'm posting an advertisement for you LoW!

HA Anjeny!

Sandi said...

I am so confused with all this name dropping!

Dolly said...

I'm in Hawaii today and I don't feel even the second happiest yet. It's the wind and the rain and the wear and the tear and the back and the forth.... all zapping what is suppose to be paradise into a mere mirage.

I miss my Riyadh villa with the maid and the driver and the great winter weather and the suppression of women. There I could just socialize with all of my neighbors and go to spas just to get even with the articles of faith by seeking after lovely things while obeying kings....

I started another blog post this morning though, and when this jet lag mood passes, I'll finish it.

Glad you are in the happiest place on earth. If fate will have it, I will join you one day.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha Sandi, that's what name dropping does to me too. It's so much safer to make allusions.

Dolly, ha ha. I love it. I can so relate. Your comment cracked me up. It would be a great introduction to your next post about post vacation depression.

Yes, the wear and tear is frustrating. You just get things in order and BAM!

Loved the line about lovely things while serving kinds.

And the suppression of women . . . ha ha ha It's kinda fun to be suppressed. It's unifying and it give you something to complain about.

Gloria (The Mamafamilias) said...

I'll pass on the porn, but could you have someone pass me some of the anti-depressants and prescription meds? Or maybe just a never-ending stream of pedicure gift certificates. I'll take that. That would make me 25% happier than any of y'all.

April said...

And here I thought that everyone at BYU was perfect!

I remember the big stink that was made when Ty Detmer said the "D" word after a bad play. People were calling in to the local radio station and writing in the Deseret News to complain about it! hehehe!

Dolly, you are a much better woman than me! I would get myself into so much trouble. I don't take being suppressed very well. But then again, I've had practice.

Sandi said...

what the what, April?? I thought Utards were the best cussers in the world? did they really get mad when the D word was spewed forth from Mr. Detmer's mouth?

Mariko said...

I am totally ok with second happiest. I don't even want to be first happiest.
I wonder if they took that poll in the middle of winter or during summer break, when everyone who lives here was vactioning in Utah.

T said...

I didn't know I was so happy - what a nice revelation for my day though!!!

I still want to at least VISIT the second happiest place though... someday...

WV says colown... is that like a funny colon? I didn't think there was anything funny about colons... especially if you're not getting enough fiber...

Heidi Ashworth said...

Isn't Utah the state with the greatest number of women cluttering up the insane asylums? (Least, that's the rumor here in California.) Perhaps that's why the men, er, everyone is so happy in Utah. hee hee

April said...

T...I think is was trying to say clown....they are supposed to be funny, but they just creep me out! hahaha my wv is nardeas...plural of nards?