Wednesday, November 18, 2009

It ain't that lonely at the top

In my last post I was pulling a Braggedy Ann about Utah being the happiest place on Earth. I'm sorry, but I refuse to make apologies for my false pride because it feels like just yesterday we were accused of being the most depressed state. 

(Does that make us bi-polar?) 

Anyways, I'm enjoying the high! 

In my last post I also mentioned that I was going to do a little googling to see if Utah uses more superlatives than other states.  Unfortunately, if you can believe it, there's never been a study done on superlative usage.

There have been other, equally important studies done, however.  I found one important study by a BYU-P Professor, who shall remain nameless (because name dropping about BYU-P gets you in trouble), but you can find the study on the BYU-P home page if you look for the headline: "Lemon-scented windex makes people more virtuous."  

This nameless BYU-P Professor concludes that clean smells unconsciously promote moral behavior and that people in rooms freshly spritzed with citrus Windex were more fair and generous than people in normal smelling rooms.  She is encouraging companies to start pumping clean smells into their offices to encourage more ethical behavior. 

What a good idea. I've decided to pour Windex into my daughter's perfume bottles when she starts dating. 
(You can plagiarize my idea if you want.  Just give me credit when your kids get married in the temple, k.) 

And if my Dumb and Dumber cooking blog project doesn't make me rich and famous I might start my own line of Crash Cologne. I will call it Parfumeur a la High Road, (written in cursive and said with a french accent).

But back to superlatives . . . I'm no expert on the matter, but I've got ears, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Utah is not only the most superlative state in the union, it is the most superlative state EVER! 

We KNOW how to use superlatives, baby!  If you don't believe me, watch Good Things Utah.

Good Things Utah is a show hosted by four stinkin' hottest, uber enthusiasticest, hippest women on speed that share with the rest of us all the glimmery, shimmery, glossy, glitzy, frosty, sparkly things about Utah. They tell us how to have a rock star bum and how to be a hipster and how to get that WOW factor. 

Everything they say and do is soooo cute.  And soooo awesome. And soooo FABULOUS! (Or FAB for short.)  

And they lub lub lub chocolate. 

Surprisingly, one of the good/better/best things about Utah is their chocolate. Move over Madagascar because in Utah chocolate is like fine wine. 

I did not know that. 

I also did not know that Utah is killing it in the world of chocolate shows. In other words, the best chocolate is coming from Utah.

Oops, do I sound like Braggedy Ann again? 

But seriously, I watched the ambassador of chocolate give samples of Utah chocolate to one of the hipster hosts with the rockstar bum and she said it was the most leathery, smoky citrusy, cheesy chocolate ever.

And I believe her (at least the citrusy part). 

So bottom line, once again we're at the top.  And you know what? It ain't that lonely at the top.

(Although just between you and me . . . not to be rude, it's all well and fab at the top, but . . . sometimes I feel like . . . something's missing.  And as John Mayer would say, "I don't know what it is." )


springrose said...

I personally found Utah to be kind of snobish when I lived there. Since I was not born in Utah I wasn't fully accepeted into any of the "groups" in the ward! And Gospel Doctrine class should have been call the Gospel according to the teacher class. So maybe what your missing is a little less Utah and a lot more Unconditional acceptance of those around?! Just my Idaho take on things! Still love you all in Utah however! There are times when I feel like I really missed out, the whole craft scene, DI thrifting, garage saleing! I mean, Idaho just plain wants too much for things at DI and garage sales, and most cute craft ideas come from Utah!

Becca said...

Here's a solution option for you: Try making everything the "second" superlative. It's fun. You can trust me, or I can expand:

"That is the second best piece of cake I've ever had."
"You are the second greatest teacher in this elementary school."
"Your legs are the second sexiest EVER!"
"You're the second nicest husband I've ever had."

Fun, right? And not quite Braggedy Ann. Close, though.
(My word-veri is "hotsesse" and I could go on GoodThings with some of that.)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha Becca, I'm glad you expounded. That cracked me up. ha ha ha I lub it. Maybe Hawaii can try that since they are second happiest.

Hawaii, you are the second best place I've ever lived.

Hey, it works.

My verifier is so right on!

Springrose, high five sistah!

Sandi said...

Whats missing is saying "aloha" in church, hanging loose at the beach, hearing a Polynesian choir singing I am a child of God, and smelling plumerias every day of your life!
I'm sure life in Utah is indeed glittery and glam and fab and all of that. But it ain't no Laie!
Rock star bums got nothing on non-rock star bums covered in a lava lava. haha
p.s. send me some of that Crash perfume STAT.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Leave it to the Mormons to make chocolate into something sexy and racy and, er, smoky. Sounds like I would fit right in, California born and bred genes and all!

April said...

smoky chocolate? I think not! Canadian chocolate is what I crave! Give me an Aerobar or a Caramilk Bar. My mouth is watering just thinking about them! I lub them!

I know what's's the eyes. They are blank....they look right through you. They don't look AT you.

Martha said...

It's not about the place being happy. It's about the person being happy silly. Luckily you are just happy where ever you are. Although I wasn't that happy when we lived in Tonga. I was happy when we lived in Samoa (I think the housegirl had something to do with that).

Anjeny said...

Of course something is missing...the beautiful sandy beaches of Hawaii is missing, duh!!LOL

I guess you must be really high on chocolate to use all those superlative words...HA!

Ok, I'm done trying to burst your bubble...I came to personally invite you (since you don't bother coming to see me on my blog anymore, how's that for a guilt trip?) to get your chocolate high, superlative rockstar bum over to my place and enter my first EVER give-away, aight?!

Anjeny said...

Went back to read the comments...I soooo totally agree with Sandi, Utah got nothing on Hawaii!!

~~wonder how many Utards are rolling their eyes and saying, "oh puleeease!!"~ and I don't mean you Crash, you are still

Tiffany said...

There is too much to love in this post. You've rendered me speechless.

Katherine said...

I don't know if you know my oldest daughter (19-years-old and goes to BYU), but she absolutely hates Good Things Utah, because she says it is so nauseating the way they try to promote being perfect (clothes, make-up, plastic surgery...) I can see what she means, but I still catch myself watching it every once in awhile...
She thinks that Utah Valley Magazine is the same way. You'll have to check it out!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee hee.

You guys are so silly. Sandi, I think you're onto something.

Could somebody please call John Mayer!

Yes, non-rock star okole's kick okole!

Miss Heidi, ha ha ha Amen, sister. Mormon's love to raise eyebrows while simultaneously feigning innocence.

"What? I was just talking about chocolate!"

We are so cute, aren't we!

OMGOSH April, that is so true. There's something kinda stepfordonian in the eyes. Not ALL eyes though, but that Beatles song, "I'm looking through you" comes to mind.

Martha, I think you're on to something too, with your housegirl comment. But aren't Samoa and Tonga the same place? ;) Hey, we are so ready for you guys to come! Hurry up!

Anjeny, my rockstar bum is totally on it's way over to your place. Your guilt trip worked. I love trips! And I need a vacation right now.

(J/K Martha! I know you think my life is already one long vacation.)

Katherine, I can't wait to meet your daughter and I'm going to have to check out the Utah Valley magazine. It will give me something to blog about. ;)

Homer and Queen said...

I love you my sweet little BFF! Love Utah choco and I have already dumped windex in McFly's room, bath soap and toothpaste.

April said...

LOL @ Queen and the Windex!

I am Lorinda W- you can call me LoW said...

I truly miss Utah with all my heart. I've been gone for 9 1/2 years. I thought that I would have visited by now.....

They also didn't have that show when I lived there but I've heard all about it. I heard they did a poll of Utah and Oregon women, asking "if you could only do one- your hair or your make up, for the day, which one would you choose?" and I heard that 100% Utahns chose make up and 100% Orgegonians (?hehe) chose hair.

Like, what's with that??? What's the odds???? And what are those women in Oregon thinking?!?!

I miss Utah.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Your post gave me De Ja Vu to that one time when I saw this awesome play and one of the characters sang:

That's why I couldn't be happier
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is, I admit
The tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated
But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier
(spoken) Well - not "simply":
(sung) 'Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still -
With this perfect finale
The cheers and ballyhoo
Wouldn't be happier?
So I couldn't be happier
Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true
Well, isn't it?
Happy is what happens
When your dreams come true!

So what do you think? True for you perhaps.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Hamster Chick I lub that song. WICKED. So penetrating. Yes, that is true for me, perhaps. Crossing bridges is complicated business.

I wouldn't have been able to do it if the universe hadn't been there holding my hand.

LoW, you are so darn cute. I love that you miss Utah. It's time for you to pay us a visit once again. That is so weird about the hair and make-up thing. I can see it though. Everyone's faces are very well dressed. Dressed to kill, actually.

I don't get that either.

I can't understand Oregon though. I will take a stab at it. It's the moisture. Every day was a bad hair day for me in the humidity. Here, sometimes I go for days without even brushing my hair.

Queen, hahahahah I LUB YOU too! And yay for McFly.

April said...

I will now go to bed singing WICKED! I lub that musical!!! Can you tell I was home sick today? I've commented 3x's in one day! hehehe!

Jillybean said...

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have GTU in my life!
How on earth would I know when that new outfit is out of style and I need to buy a whole new wardrobe? (because HELLO, we shouldn't ever wear anything for two years, What would everyone think if we are wearing brown instead of teal, brown is SO 2008)
How would I ever learn that chartreuse is the new black?
How would I ever learn the newest, trendiest ways to decorate my home without the special guest from Robert's craft/Stampin' up/Taipan trading company, showing me how to make a huge three dimensional star out of chipboard, scrapbooking paper, glue dots and really cute heart shaped brads?
How would I ever find out that I really can get rid of my crows feet/age spots/cellulite in one office visit during my lunch hour?
How would I ever know which bakery/restaurants have the best panini sandwiches?
How would I know where to find the biggest, most frosting covered cupcakes in the galaxy?
But most of all, how would I ever know that the one host lives in Park City? (bless her heart)

I think we should organize a field trip to a live taping of GTU. We can wear our skinny jeans with ridiculously high strappy heels, which make our legs look great even though they make our feet hurt, then the way home we can stop and have lunch at Cafe' Zupa's then stock up on Christmas decorating supplies from Robert's craft, then talk about how cute and darling everything is! (while eating chocolate cupcakes)

Sandi said...

I'm sensing a little hostility.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha Jillybean. You crack me up. You know your Good Things Utah.

And Sandi, come on! We don't use that word 'round here.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I personally am horrible at superlatives, the worst EVER! :) even though I live in the best state EVER!

Just sayin...

Love good things UTAH but you are only allowed to watch it if you are a stay at home mom. So I no longer qualify, it's sad.

Miss ya!

Tiffany said...

Lemon scented perfume is brilliant. I can't believe some one has not invented it yet. Probably because when people put on perfume they are not looking to be more virtuous.