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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Light Saber Wars

I should write down every little thing that tumbles out of my daughter's mouth.


Today we were watching Bones--the episode where they cut through an enormous block of chocolate, only to find that they had inadvertantly cut through a dead body in the process.  


Ewwww!  


That's what normal people say, right? 


But that's not what my daughter said. Nope, she said, "I don't know why seeing a dead body in a block of chocolate makes me want to eat cake batter." 


She then proceeded to make herself a bowl of cake batter. Ewwww.


Okay, it's the sabbath so I think it would be appropriate to share a few life lessons I'm learning from trying to win this gosh darn SAM-e blogging job. 


There is always someone out there who is going to be more pop-U-lar than Glinda.  Prettier, wittier and go-gettier. Especially on Twittier.  


Wait. Twittier is not the same thing as Twitter is it?


(That wasn't meant to be rude. Just trying to find a rhyme.) 


Her name is Goliath. David beat Goliath with a slingshot, but can Debbie beat Goliath?  


I need a slingshot, peeps! 


Forget the sling shot, can somebody throw me a light saber, please!? I need to use The Force.


Oh, what am I saying?  I'm such a silly goose. People are handing me light sabers right and left. 


MAHALO Light saber bearers of good will and support. MAHALO so dang stinkin' much!


Yesterday my dear friend Dolly from the Laie hood took me out and treated me to a massage. A full body massage. Just so I could relax for the rest of the race.  It was my first massage ever and guess what dummy thing I did?  I hopped up onto the massage table and slid under that sheets fully clothed. 


Hee hee 


Did you know you're s'posed to change into your b-day suit to get a massage?  


Neither did I .


Despite the whole b-day suit mix-up, the massage was AMAZING--aroma therapy, ethereal music--it was almost like an out-of-body experience. The kind of out-of-body experience where you're just glad you're actually in-your-body, (but not of-your-body).  You get me?


(Raise your hand if you would be interested in winning a free massage if I give one away because the massage lady said she would throw one in for my cause.) 


Anyways, afterwards the massage lady told me to drink TONS of water because she had successfully released a lot of negative toxins from my body. I smiled and shrugged and thought "whatevah" but you know what happens when your body releases negative toxins? 


They get ticked. And then they linger around you all day trying to get revenge by whispering in your ear, "WHO do YOU think YOU are trying to win a big-wig job? YOU'RE crazy! YOU can't WIN!"  


Then they start comparing you to everyone else and you come out looking like a lame-o with a big L on your forehead. 


Negative toxins are so RUDE! 


But then three of my college creative writing buddies threw me a light saber and told me to keep the faith and to just keep being my bad blogging self. One of them is a bad blogger herself who goes under the secret code name of Moana Saves


She's got twice as many twitter followers as Goliath and she said she'd wield her power for me and use The Force on my behalf. 


Go check her out and follow her. She's got lots of great giveaways and product reviews. Plus she wrote the most amazing short story about a guy with a toe fetish when we were in college. 


And then! And then! And then! Brandon Sanderson talked to me at church! Me! Me! Me!



Granted he usually talks to me at church, but today he told me he was going to read my blog! (Aloha Brandon Sanderson!) Thee Brandon Sanderson, who was just in PARIS at a book signing. Ba BAM! 


Do you think Brandon Sanderson's vote counts double since he's famous?



Click here, Brandon! Click here! And if you want to mention me in your next book, I'm cool with that.

Vote for Me
Good Mood Gig from SAM-e


11 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

May the force be with you OBEWANdummy.

Off to vote now.
Lub ya!

DeNae said...

I voted for you again, chiquita banana. And we need to have an ear-to-ear conversation in the next couple of weeks. No special reason, 'cept we're both so stupid busy and I need a Deb fix.

IWA (e - va) said...

You deserve every light saber handed to you! Love that famous peeps read your blog!

Its funny because reading this post make me really think of the Sam-e products.. really, One day bored as heck during school, I went through the site and took the quizzes and tried to figure out if I need some kind of supplement to get me going!

Don't you know that the whole L thing on your forehead is cool now.. gLee made it cool to be a loser right? <3 gLee, even though their story line is heading straight into the toilet!

you can do this!

Paily said...

Crash, I think we should be friends in real life. Often when I'm reading your blog I just have to laugh. Then my hubby gets jealous cause I'm laughing and he's not. So I make him join in. Then there is joy all around. Thanks for spreading the love!

Momza said...

Glad you got a massage!
Relieved that you've got friends in Twitter places.
And you know some gamer dude in your ward who evidently has super karmic powers.
What else could you ask for?
oh and a light saber. you're good to go.

springrose said...

First I have to say, isn't it weird how we as humans put a voice with a face or a face with a voice, but generally they don't match the reality? You voice didn't sound like I thought it would. But by the end of you video it was completely you in my head! Weird, or maybe I am just weird.
Weve got to get you some votes!!!!!
Oh, and Riley is going back and forth to Primary Childrens. I will have to find out the next time they will be there so you can go and meet them. You will love the Ewings!

T said...

you're getting 3 a day from our house... the beauty of multiple browsers :) (unless of course that's cheating - in which case you know NOTHING about it... delete this comment!)

I'm coming with you to church next time I'm there k? and I might just have to bring my Sanderson novels... I'm sure he won't mind signing them during Sunday School right... I mean... are there OTHER things happening then?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, so much to say . . . T, YES, I will hook you up, girlfriend. With BS (Brandon Sanderson, of course. That wasn't a double meaning.) Of course there is nothing else going on during Sunday School. Rock wall climbing, maybe. Cuz it's the Sponge Bob ward.

Springrose, soooo, how was my voice different than it was in your head? Just curious. I totally get that though. I hear your voice in my head and it's soft and sweet. I was so suprised to hear Annette Lyon the first time. And DeNae. And David Sedaris. That one threw me for a loop.

My verifier says miskies. These are mi skies, peeps. And they are full of mi stars.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Springrose, I forgot to say that I WANT TO MEET RILEY so bad so YES, please, please let me know when she is here in Utah. I will be there in a flash. I wish LULU was already a magic dog so I could take her with me. I'm sure Riley would lub her guts.

Springrose, I was interviewed by The Daily Herald this morning and I told them all about the magic quilt. I am hoping to get lots of exposure for the project.

DeNae, I'm calling for fabric (flannel) and my sis and I are going to make a magic quilt for Matthew Blanchard. WOOHOO!

And yes, DeNae, we need some ear to ear. When?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Paily, did you marry Shea? Weren't you dating him a few summers ago? Please do tell. I would lub to me friends in real life. Where do you live?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, I can't tell you how many of my peeps have told me they are using the products now since this campaign began. SAM-e is brilliant. I'm going to try them out too. Let's do it together.