If you want to read my post for the day, read on.
Hey, so I got Miley Cyrus to write a song about my SAM-e Top 20 experience. Turn up my playlist and check it out.
Before I go any further with this contest thing there are a few things I need to clear up about my bio on SAM-e. Things of which I'm sure all of you have noticed.
First of all, one of my pals from the BYU-H concert choir tour sent me an email advising me not to marry Bill Shakespeare. She was concerned that I might get an STD.
I'll take my chances. True lub doesn't discriminate. That's alls I'm saying.
Wait, can I say one more thing? I took one of my twins out to lunch the other day and while he was shoving fried cheese sticks into his mouth he said, "Mom, I don't get that Shakespeare thing. You're already married."
"Oh honey," I said. "I was just trying to relay information about myself without having to come right out and say it."
"What information?" said my son.
"Well what did you learn about me from that bio?" I asked him.
He thought for a minute. "That you want to marry two guys?"
I explained to him that I didn't want to be all straight forward and say, "I like Shakespeare. And I like tennis. And I like Mozart. And I like Pad Thai."
Later on, while biting into his cheeseburger, my son said, "What if the judges don't know who Shakespeare is?"
"Oh, they'll know who Shakespeare is! Don't worry."
"But what if they don't get it? What if they think you really want to marry him?"
"He's been dead for 400 years," I told him.
Later, on the ride home, he got really quiet. "Mom," he finally said, "are you sure the judges are going to get that Shakespeare thing?"
I hope I don't lose because I just know my son will blame it on that Shakespeare thing.
Okay, second point, I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I used Fourth twice. I left out the Fifth. It has been brought to my attention, okay! One of my teachers, my ex-office mate, an old neighbor, one of my young women advisors, two of my sons, and several others have all emailed me and highlighted the error of my ways.
My twelve year old caught the error 30 seconds after I posted it.
"Mom, you messed up," he said, and then he began reading it. Fourth, I'm a writer! Fourth."If you're a writer, why'd you write Fourth twice?"
"I'm a writer," I said. "Writers are good with letters, not numbers."
My 2nd counselor asked me if I was being ironic because I bragged about how organized I was right before listing Fourth for the second time.
Ironically I can be ironic without even trying. One of my many mad skillz.
But fer reals, I'm pretty upfront about the fact that I'm dumb, right? So get over it.
And anyway, I cain't change it now. Once the profile is posted it's tattooed across the collective conscious. And sub conscious. You will always remember me as the girl who could make five points in four shots.
So I decided on my back up plan if I don't win this job. I'm going to write a novel about a harsh dystopian society where 20 people are thrown together in an arena and forced to fight it out to the death over a Good Mood Blogging job. I'm going to call it The Voting Games. The main characters will be joyologists and joy fairies and chief happiness officers who love puppies and cupcakes and all things sparkly. (Especially vampires.) They will be passionate, adventurous, infectious, optimistic, vibrant and enthusiastic characters who use exclamation points, lemonade, mustache bandanas and cleavage as weapons.
In the sequel, the winner will get to marry Bill Shakespeare.
I'm going to call that one Catching Fire.
Get it? Catching Fire?
Ba dum bum