Monday, November 1, 2010

That Shakespeare Thing

If you only want to enter the giveaway click here.

If you want to read my post for the day, read on.

Hey, so I got Miley Cyrus to write a song about my SAM-e Top 20 experience. Turn up my playlist and check it out.

Mahalo Miley!

Before I go any further with this contest thing there are a few things I need to clear up about my bio on SAM-e. Things of which I'm sure all of you have noticed.

First of all, one of my pals from the BYU-H concert choir tour sent me an email advising me not to marry Bill Shakespeare. She was concerned that I might get an STD.

I'll take my chances. True lub doesn't discriminate. That's alls I'm saying.

Wait, can I say one more thing? I took one of my twins out to lunch the other day and while he was shoving fried cheese sticks into his mouth he said, "Mom, I don't get that Shakespeare thing. You're already married."

"Oh honey," I said. "I was just trying to relay information about myself without having to come right out and say it."

"What information?" said my son.

"Well what did you learn about me from that bio?" I asked him.

He thought for a minute. "That you want to marry two guys?"

I explained to him that I didn't want to be all straight forward and say, "I like Shakespeare. And I like tennis. And I like Mozart. And I like Pad Thai."

Later on, while biting into his cheeseburger, my son said, "What if the judges don't know who Shakespeare is?"

"Oh, they'll know who Shakespeare is! Don't worry."

"But what if they don't get it? What if they think you really want to marry him?"

"He's been dead for 400 years," I told him.

Later, on the ride home, he got really quiet. "Mom," he finally said, "are you sure the judges are going to get that Shakespeare thing?"

I hope I don't lose because I just know my son will blame it on that Shakespeare thing.

Okay, second point, I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I used Fourth twice. I left out the Fifth. It has been brought to my attention, okay! One of my teachers, my ex-office mate, an old neighbor, one of my young women advisors, two of my sons, and several others have all emailed me and highlighted the error of my ways.

My twelve year old caught the error 30 seconds after I posted it.

"Mom, you messed up," he said, and then he began reading it. Fourth, I'm a writer! Fourth."If you're a writer, why'd you write Fourth twice?"

"I'm a writer," I said. "Writers are good with letters, not numbers."

My 2nd counselor asked me if I was being ironic because I bragged about how organized I was right before listing Fourth for the second time.

Ironically I can be ironic without even trying. One of my many mad skillz.

But fer reals, I'm pretty upfront about the fact that I'm dumb, right? So get over it.

And anyway, I cain't change it now. Once the profile is posted it's tattooed across the collective conscious. And sub conscious. You will always remember me as the girl who could make five points in four shots.

So I decided on my back up plan if I don't win this job. I'm going to write a novel about a harsh dystopian society where 20 people are thrown together in an arena and forced to fight it out to the death over a Good Mood Blogging job. I'm going to call it The Voting Games. The main characters will be joyologists and joy fairies and chief happiness officers who love puppies and cupcakes and all things sparkly. (Especially vampires.) They will be passionate, adventurous, infectious, optimistic, vibrant and enthusiastic characters who use exclamation points, lemonade, mustache bandanas and cleavage as weapons.

In the sequel, the winner will get to marry Bill Shakespeare.

I'm going to call that one Catching Fire.

Get it? Catching Fire?

Ba dum bum


IWA (e - va) said...

Totally got it, even though i haven't read any of that series!

Im a numbers person and didnt even catch the fourth twice thingy... im going to blame it on being a word thingy!

Im so ready for you to win this thing... and if i didnt already tell you this.. you really have the best BIO! Hands downs.. the best!

PS. You're son is cute, but im sure you already knew that too!

Sandi said...

hahaha I cannot wait to read that book! I think you should make it that the contestants can be voted off the arena though, cuz cleavage girl is soooo gone! I didn't even notice your mistakes in the bio...I'm way too sleep deprived to do that. I hope your boy has come to grips with the Shakespeare thingy. We don't want him to be traumatized and have to have a daily dose of that Sam-e stuff.

IWA (e - va) said...

WOOOHOOOOO... Number 13! and page 3! Yay!

Susan said...

Catching Fire. HAHAHAHa. I didn't know that about Bill Shakespeare. See, I'm dumber than you.

T said...

I got it... kinda wish I didn't though :)

You're rocking this thing!!!

(if the judges don't know who Shakespeare is you don't want the job anyway... well, okay, maybe you do - so we'll keep voting on the off chance that the judges will know that Shakespeare rocks the word world but NOT know about his burning STDs

Barbaloot said...

This is fake off-topic, but have your kids read The Alchemyst series? By Michael Scott? Shakespear plays a role in them---that's why I thought of it. But they're pretty interesting. No Percy Jackson, but enjoyable and your kids might like them.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Ok I voted for you in Utah this morning on my sister's computer. And thanks to the amazing thing called a car, I drove myself home to Vegas and voted for you again on my home laptop. Sadly I don't have a dest top computer right now which is akin to living with out indoor plumbing but we are suriving somehow. Hey I just thought of another computer I could use to vote. Keep up the good work and I just might try to enter the contest for the blog ticket.

Stephen said...

I think Shakespeare's sexuality is questionable? I think he had a couple of daughters, but I don't think he liked his wife much. He only left her his SECOND favorite bed in his will. I guess he got the last laugh in that ongoing marital conflict. Are you sure that is the kind of guy you want? j.k.

Smart Helm said...

I have nothing clever to say (hence the stalking) but I thought the Hunger Game/Good Mood contestants reference hilarious.

Counting is over rated. I can say that. I'm an engineer.

Jami said...

Love the good mood gladiator novel. And of course your kids caught your error--it's part of the kid job description.

I'm still voting even though I don't want to win anything. 'Cause you are the cheeriest blogger in town. (Heads up: You might want to delete all those SPAM posts before the health committee comes in for a close review of CTDD.)