Friday, November 26, 2010

Utarded Food Parties

Raise your hand if you feel like you just returned from a 10 days cruise. On the S. S. Turkey.

Me too! Just polished off my third full-on Thanksgiving dinner and I can't zip up my pants.

Soooooooo, how was/were your food party/(ies) this year?

All three of mine were tremendous, as my MIL would say, although I have to admit food parties in Utah are very very different from food parties in Hawaii?

First of all, in Hawaii it is considered rude to leave a party with the leftover food you brought with you. The host gets all the leftover food to divy out among his guests. You can bring home as many plates of food as you want, but if you bring a bag of chips to a party in Hawaii, consider it gone. For good. Don't even give it a second thought.

(Not that a Polynesian would ever bring a bag of chips to a party. That's haole food. Why bring one bag when you can bring 5 bags, plus a bucket of shoyu chicken, a foil pan of laulau, and a tray of panipopo.)

In Utah you can't even pay your host to take your leftovers off your hands. Yesterday, after dinner, I was like, "So can I please leave this pie with you? And this gravy? And the rolls? Wouldn't you enjoy a few rolls to make turkey sandwiches tomorrow? Can I leave it, please? Please? PLEASE?"

"Oh, NOOOOOOOO," protested the hostesses. "NOOOOOO WAY! I will just eat it if you leave it."

Uhhhh, yeah, that was kinda the POINT! But Whatev!

Another difference between the food parties in Hawaii and the food parties in Utah is the size of the plates. We all know that size doesn't matter, but when it comes to plates, it DOES matter. In Hawaii the paper plates are like lunch trays. Sturdy. With five seperate compartments to keep your food groups organzed.

Do you wanna see the plates at my family party yesterday?

It's the same size as a pie tin, and only an inch bigger than the dessert plates.

It's not my mom's fault though. It's the stores fault. It's all the stores in Utah's fault. Honestly, my mom couldn't find any bigger plates in the whole state of Utah. She said so herself.

And besides, my family doesn't eat very much.

She also said so herself when I frowned on the miniature bowl of gravy she had prepared. So I made a whole nother, huge, honkin', ginormous bowl of gravy, just to show her she was wrong. But she was right. No one ate it. And on my way out the door the hostess threatened to throw it away if I didn't get it the helk out of her house.

Another big difference between a Utarded vs. a Hawaiian style food party is I'm pretty sure they don't watch t.v. programs about cholesterol during Thanksgiving dinner in Hawaii.

And I've never seen anyone where snowman pajamas in public in Hawaii either.

Imagine my chagrin when what to my wondering eyes did appear through my open-minded blinds.

Is that my famdamily? Going on a pre-turkey-dinner walk? In public?

And is that my . . . hub?

Wearing snowman pajamas?????

(Do you think that will ruin my chances at getting the SAM-e job?)

Despite all the differences, one thing remains the same in both Hawaii and Utah--the hypnotic power of Tryptophan:

(Eyeballs added to protect the innocent.) (And because I really like eyeballs.)

Ah, but I jest (except about my hub's snowman pajamas)! I was diggin' on every little thing about my family food parties this year.
The only thing I didn't lub was that Lulu didn't get to come along.

She had to spend Thanksgiving all alone . . .

All by her lonesome . . .

All by her very own self . . .

Yes, it killed me.

Do you think it's weird that I left a few lights on for her. Along with some David Archuleta Christmas music?

And do you think it's weird that I'm writing a letter to the prophet to see if dogs can be sealed to their families forever?

P.S. First time in more than 10 years my hub and I didn't do Black Friday. Instead I cleaned out my closets and . . . you won't believe this . . . started hanging stuff (pictures) (and clocks) (and mirrors) on my bare nekked walls.

And the clocks are set for . . . Utah time . . .

I now know what time it is in Utah.

Do you think I'm almost done grieving?

Do you like my hot cocoa pot?

P.S.S. Oh, and hey, don't forget to click and vote. I'm getting close to 3,000 so I only need 10,000 more in the next 14 days. Easy Peasy lemon squeezy.

Vote for Me


IWA (e - va) said...

Thanksgiving in AmSam in similar... our Faculty meeting got heated when were trying to decide whether to do a whole Thanksgiving meal or not.. The NOT's won, because we didn't want all the families spending a bunch of money on something we really didn't need! (because we all knew that they would bring pans and pans and pans of stuff even though it was just a school party!)

Thought of you tonight.. did you see there is a Kung Fu panda 2 coming out?

PS.. everything you said here about hawaii parties was absolutely true!

Gotta go vote! i've been loving the deep thoughts... Jack handy is genius!

T said...

I think I want to spend next Thanksgiving in Hawaii - could you let ManOfTheHouse in on the plan?

Is black friday a little more tolerable there?

I definitely would be digging the bigger plates - those are exactly the same plates that the "kids' table" had to use - to protect my innocent nice plates...

even though a few small children did end up at the adult table... screaming...

ahhh... the holidays, gotta love 'em. Even when they do start with the Flu.

have I cluttered up your comment box enough?

Off to vote!

Stephen said...

We have been in our house for a year and a half and still haven'
t put up one of our pictures. I don't think we are depressed about moving away from a tropical island, just lazy.

Sandi said...

I love the clock! For a minute I thought it might be a coffee pot but then I remembered where you are and what you stand for. Of course it's a cocoa pot. Good luck with the snowman pj's, it seems like he's kind of attached.

Leslie said...

Debbie...reading you post made me realize that I wasn't the only one still grieving for Laie! Lice posted some photos of the Turkey bowl at Laie's Elementary and I was homesick...I wanted so badly to be there again...and as for the food, it took a while to get use to again! Poor people on the mainland, they don't know the real meaning of a party,'s all about the food and the sharing the left overs with everyone!

wendy said...

I have been on an eating marathon since I got here it seems.....stress eating. turkey eating. pie eating. left over eating. I don't like people to feel bad, so when they say eat..I do.

I am almost pretty sure kinda sorta believe dogs are sealed to our families forever. I love our doggie...standard poodle Lucy.

And it is very cool that you left David Archuleta Christmas music on for your dog.

Martha said...

If jeans are too uncomfortable maybe you could suggest that Al wear sweat pants like the rest of the fam.

So my hub has been encouraging me to step up and quit talking about helping the Kahuku tennis team and do something about it. So I had this huge talk with Gillian today. I told her that I needed to help with the H.S. team so Josh and Rach could get a good practice in. At first she was like "nope, no way, I don't need any help".

She seems to think her Kahuku teams have always been super good and the reason they are so good is because of her. I didn't want to remind her that last season the boys team only won one match, (yet Josh won all but 2 matches). And any good player that she's ever had has learned from their parents like the Porters or the Framptons.

I did tell her that she should do what's best for the team and not for herself and I think, although I could be wrong, that she's wavering.

Then I happened to come across the new acting Athletic Director (Mrs. Macadangdang) and gave her the same talk. So we'll see what happens.

I'm just getting fed up with coaches. Josh's bball coach is not turning out too well. It's so frustrating. I can't really do anything about the basketball coach, but I feel like I should do something about the tennis coach.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

I'm sorry, did you say NO ONE ate the gravy? What is going on in Utard? Have they lost their minds?

Also, LOVE the drool in the eyeball picture. Priceless.